I am me

I am me

I am who I am
That’s all I can be
The person who runs my life is me
I’m no queen of Siam
Or some other country
The person I see in the mirror is the only one that I see

I am my religion
I am my beliefs
I can choose for myself if I want chicken or beef
My smile is my weapon
I follow my heart
You will recon
That I see the finish line from the start

I am not going to lie
Or cheat you like others
I’m willing to try
For my mother, father, or brothers

I am unique and I love to prove it aloud
I cannot just sit there and blend in with the crowd!
I’m fun and outgoing
I love to have a good time
Life in slow pace is way too boring
Is being truly happy such a crime?

I am every note that I write and sing in my songs
I will say that I’m sorry if I know that I am wrong
I am unwritten
My own different person
I try my best to do what is right
For my dreams, I am willing to fight

I am a person that loves to share
I’m a person that loves to cares
I might not be perfect
A little marred if the shoe fits
My flaws are my strengths, they don’t make angry
Because I believe in individuality

I am my reflection
I always want the prize
Myself and food, have a connection
If you know me you wouldn’t be surprised
I have not regrets
And never tell myself it’s as good as it gets

I don’t listen to what others say
When they talk about me in a negative way
I love to make pastries, I love to drink tea
I’ll never change that because I know I am me

Nope, not happy with this.

Firstly, you've forced a rhyme. I don't know how many times I say it, and I'll probably end up saying it plenty more: DON'T start rhyming until you're pretty darn good at poetry. Contrary to what people think, rhyming does *not* make your poem good; rather, it makes it sound childish and badly done. "I am my beliefs/I can choose for myself if I want chicken or beef" was appalling, and some of the "shares/cares" or "say/way" ones weren't much better. Don't rhyme until you're confident in what you're doing, and much more experienced than this.

Secondly, your choice of theme: you've hit a loser right from the start. Just the the 'broken relationships' or the 'I hate myself' poems, then 'I am what I am' pieces of work come up from teenagers so often that it's unbelievable. The fact that you've started it off with "I am what I am" is quite painful: it's one of the most overused phrases around. The thing is, I've seen a hundred versions of this poem, barely different, and until you can drag something new and exceptional out of the old cliches, try and find new and less-worn topics.

Thirdly, your punctuation: you haven't got any. A poem is meant to be read; it's meant to flow. How can we get a feeling for where the breaks are if you have no commas, semi-colons, full-stops? It's a rare poem that's anywhere near complete without them.

Finally, your structure. Again, non-existent. The line lengths were pretty much random; there was no rhythm, meter, flow, anything like that. Read it out loud to yourself; see how awkward it is. In the future, you need to think about how your poem flows when it's read; your punctuation and how many syllables you put in a line need to reflect that.

Basically, it just isn't going to fall for you on this one: you've chosen a bad topic, and executed it badly. You need fresh, original ideas; punctuation; structure, and most definitely to hold off on the rhyme.

That's all.

Don't take this the wrong way way Backgroundbob but, you're like the Simon cowell of the yws. Harsh but, true. Now if you look at the core meaning of the poem I guess that I can see what you mean fallenangel but, the words you chose...sound weird especially the chicken and beef part.
I know chicken and beef is a metaphor but, it takes out the dramatic meaning of your poem and makes it sound silly.

thx 4 the constructive critisism. It WAS froces ryhming because it's sum gay english thing
Ang it was supposed to be a humersitic metaphor
Anywayz, ya

Point of advice? Write in real English: that includes comments. It needs to become a habit.