Fly Me to Polaris

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So as a class assignment one day, my English 110 professor tells the class to write a paragraph of "where our mind is." So i did just that, but then i broke apart the sentences and added some stuff and made it into a poem. =P hope you guys like it..

Fly Me to Polaris

Adrift in the somber shadow of space,
I reach for the distant twinkle of a star.
I grasp the closest edge,
But light can’t be solid.
Even the brightest star fades away,
As that twinkle effervesces from the gentle touch of your hand.

I am then guided back.
The faint yet intense argent-moonlight guides me,
Leads me,
Leaves me lying on the white sands of my island.
Beneath that vivid moonlight,
The water is paved in a silver shimmer.
I can hear every wave,
Breaking and crashing in an endless march,
As it washes up beside me.
Each breath of the wind carries through the trees,
Harmonizing me with its lullaby.
The leaves and branches dance in the shadows,
They move about like the flicker of a flame.
They dance,
And it’s parallel to the lullaby.

However,
The cryptic shade of night still lingers.
A soft evening chill was still present.
It finds me,
And I shiver.
My surroundings,
Being here,
It’s surreal.
This feeling,
This freedom,
It consumes me,
Leads me,
Leaves me,
Breathless.

I then feel the whispered drop,
Of a single tear,
From the crying sky as it makes its way down my face.
I then wonder,
If I were the rain that falls from the sky,
Would it bring me closer to that lost twinkle of a star,
So far-off into the distance?
It is out of my reach.
I stretch out my arm,
But each time my star grows dimmer,
Escaping,
As it fades away into the nearing daylight.

So just take me there,
Fly me to Polaris.
That’s where my mind is,
That’s where I want to be.
My mind is everywhere,
But not where it’s supposed to be.
My mind is everywhere,
Elsewhere,
Just not here.




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this was beautiful. the imagery - the description - wonderful.

i liked:

But light can’t be solid.
Even the brightest star fades away,
As that twinkle effervesces from the gentle touch of your hand.


The faint yet intense argent-moonlight guides me,


Each breath of the wind carries through the trees,
Harmonizing me with its lullaby.
The leaves and branches dance in the shadows,
They move about like the flicker of a flame.
They dance,
And it’s parallel to the lullaby.


I then feel the whispered drop,
Of a single tear,


So just take me there,
Fly me to Polaris.


some suggestions, though: in the second stanza you say "beneath that vivid moonlight", in which the moonlight was recently just stated. it just qualifies as not redundant, but it sound so as you read it aloud.
also, the last stanza had a lot of repetition in it. may i just offer this possible solution:

But not where it’s supposed to be.
It's everywhere
Elsewhere,
Just not here.
Carpe Diem.




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Gender None specified
Points 890
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thanks im glad you liked it. :wink: i haven't written in a while so hopefully it isn't too bad for my first post. hehe



All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
— Jane Wagner