To accomplish

Exhausted from crying, the little girl fell on her knees.
The cold snow was piercing into her bare legs, making her shiver.
She looked for answers in the sky, but found none.
Her lips turned blue as her eyes showed black.
As the snow started to fall once again, she was defeated.
Cold and alone, she was left in the snow for dead.

Hello, I shall be your reviewer for today, I'm of course LastPaladin. As I read this poem a thought occurs to me, it's not exactly that much a cliche, but it seems like there should be more. I'm at a loss to fully comprehend this, it seems like it be a great piece if it didn't just jump into the actions. Who is this Girl? Why is the title 'To Accomplish' to accomplish what death? These are some of the many thoughts flying through my skull, with a poem this length I should never be this confused! But nonetheless I'll try:

Exhausted from crying, the little girl fell on her knees.
The cold snow was piercing into her bare legs, making her shiver.
She looked for answers in the sky, but found none.
Her lips turned blue as her eyes showed black.
As the snow started to fall once again, she was defeated.
Cold and alone, she was left in the snow for dead.

Okay, you grip us immediatly as well confuse us, but this early okay, we are sure we shall find out why she's crying. Wait---wait, no one said this was in the snow, there was no hint, it was like once upon a time a girl was crying, the snow was cold. It's like one leap away from context, why is she in the snow, why should we care? Okay I like the desperation emphasised here, but if she's in snow, wouldn't it be snowing or at least hard to see the sky. So she's dying, how the heck, what's going on? Explain? Explain? Defeated by what, why couldn't she move, was she paralyzed, was their demons waiting for her, what?!

Overall: What is going on here, it seems like half a poem, not a full poem, seems like we're missing two or three stanzas, I feel we should know more, but what we know just confounds us to extreme lengths, what is going on?!

Sorry, this just plains confuses me.

Nice, but just a few things.
It seems like you could have added a little more detail or something.
Maybe another stanza to let us know why? or how? or when? or when?- you get where I'm going with this.
For example-

Exhausted from crying, the little girl fell on her knees. Why was she crying? I know this not a story, but maybe you could mention someone or something other than her so we know how she was afflicted.
The cold snow was piercing into her bare legs, making her shiver. We don't really need to know that the snow was cold, it just takes up unneeded space- unless you added it for dramatic affect. If that was the case, leave it.
She looked for answers in the sky, but found none. Maybe try- She searched the sky for answers. it's shorter and says the same thing, but a more direct affect.
Her lips turned blue as her eyes showed black. - You could also say- Her lips were as blue as her eyes were black.
As the snow started to fall once again, she was defeated. - The snow began to fall incessantly, signifying (or something els-ing) her defeat.
Cold and alone, she was left in the snow for dead.Once again, in the snow.. just seems a little redundant.The reader can already tell that she is "in the snow" due to you mentioning that it was snowing, so you could just cut that part out.

All together now
*waves baton*-

Exhausted from crying, the little girl fell on her knees.
The snow was piercing into her bare legs, making her shiver.
She searched the sky for answers, but found none.
Her lips were as blue as her eyes were black.
The snow began to fall incessantly, signalling her defeat.
Cold and alone, she was left for dead.

Viola!
Now all you need to do is add detail!
Hope this Helps.

-jojo

CecilieLorentzen17 wrote:Exhausted from crying, the little girl fell on her knees. Why is she crying? Maybe explain vaigly?
The cold snow was piercing into her bare legs, making her shiver. Try to show that she is shivering, not tell
She looked for answers in the sky, but found none.
Her lips turned blue as her eyes showed black.
As the snow started to fall once again, she was defeated. Why is she defeated? How long has she been in the snow for? When did it stop snowing? Some of these questions could be answered if you added more depth into your lines
Cold and alone, she was left in the snow for dead.

This poem has a lot of potential but there is a lot of space for improvement. Maybe by answering the questions that I've put in bold in the line above could add more depth and description to the poem. Keep writing,
~Crim

My turn to have a go at this!
I'm Sporks, by the way.

Exhausted from crying, the little girl fell on her knees. Why is she crying?
The cold snow was piercing into her bare legs, making her shiver. What an awkward phrase. First, get rid of passive voice. Now, with the verb "pierce" the fact that it's going into something is understood. So get rid of "into." Also, why tell us it's cold? It's not like there is hot snow. Unless it's for drama, in which case, make that clearer.
She looked for answers in the sky, but found none. "Searching for answers" is a much more vibrant way to describe this. "Looked for answers in the sky" is just bland. Searching gives a sense of urgency, whereas looking is casual at best.
Her lips turned blue as her eyes showed black. Hmm. I like this, but it seems quite sudden. Maybe something about her lips turning blue as her eyes fade to black?
As the snow started to fall once again, she was defeated. Defeated? Once again? When did the snow stop? What?
Cold and alone, she was left in the snow for dead. Repetition of snow here comes off as redundant rather than gripping and poignant.

Okay, so I think you have the pieces of a chilling poem (Ha! Aren't I punny?) but I think you need to flesh it out, explain just a teeny, teeny bit and you'll have it. Also, watch for weird wording and redundancy.

Keep Writing!

Sporks