A shallow puddle

How is this poem? Good, bad? What needs improvement?

A shallow puddle
near the middle of the road
The clouds have now tired
from crying so much

The water lays still,
collected:
a dent in the asphalt
in which dross has found refuge

The anfractuous outline spills outward
-back in-
at the drop of two stones
intent to break that glass surface

Similar circles emerge at the "plink"
and ripple to the ends of this water.
Though the surface is not so fragile
for it has swiftly found peace,
back again to its impassive state

Amongst the floor-bidden rocks
and floating debris
is a face, deep in thought,
gazing upward at sky,
and reflected behind are clouds.

The puddle shrinks steadily
though still sitting on road.
From the sidewalk, it's small,
insignificant beside others...

And an ice cream truck bounces past.
The contents of this particular dent
erupt before they sprinkle,
and lay,
remnants of cloud left to dry in the sun

Hey

A shallow puddle,
Near the middle of the road.
The clouds were now tired,
From crying so much This stanza seems a bit broken up, you need something to keep the two parts together

The water lays still,
Collected; This should be a semicolon because it is not a list.
A dent in the asphalt
Wherein which dross has found refuge

The anfractuous outline spills outward
-And back in-
At the drop of two stones
Intent on breaking that glass surface

Similar circles emerge at the "plink",
And ripple to the edge of this water.
Though the surface is not so fragile,
For it has swiftly found peace again,
Back again to its impassive state

Amongst the floor-bidden rocks,
And floating debris,
There's a face, deep in thought,
Gazing upward at the sky.
It's reflected behind are clouds.

The puddle shrinks steadily,
Though it's still sitting on road.
From the sidewalk, it's small, Why from the sidewalk? If it looks small from the sidewalk, then say so.
Insignificant beside others...

And An ice cream truck bounces past.
The contents of the this particular dent There's no need of specifying which one, you only talked about only one.
Erupt, before they sprinkle,
And lay,This here would probably sound better with the line above.
Remnants of cloud left to dry in the sun

Alright this isn't bad, it's pretty good actually. I like the way that you wrote it, just be careful with not overusing the word 'and' and keep your lines structured. Overall, it think you used your imagery and all that fairly well. I love that you were talking about a pot hole It was creative. Keep writing!

-Truth-

Hey there, Vic! I liked this piece, though it took more than one read to grasp it. The reviewer above me did a pretty decent job of catching punctuation and grammar (which is usually my job!), so I'll just point out one thing that he didn't, give you a pointer, and leave!

The contents of this particular dent
erupt before they sprinkle,
and lay,
remnants of cloud left to dry in the sun

'Lay' needs to be 'lie'. Simple enough! To lay is to put or place something. To lie is to actually recline and be still. So there.

The other thing that bugged me about this was the unevenness between stanzas. I'm a stickler for symmetry. It's a good piece, but it has a way to go. Keep it up and let me know when it's revised!

-Lumiface

P.S. I know you didn't do this, but just as a note, know that not every line of a poem must be capitalized! You'll catch why, I hope.

At times there comes a poem that really impresses me, in your case though the idea is so simple and everyday you still managed to convey a great deal of emotion with stunning ease. But the proof is in eating the pudding, not looking at how wonderful it seems, doesn't matter if icing is gorgeous what really is the test is whether it's tasty. Well that metaphor went on longer than I thought it would. On to the review. First I shall reread the poem.

Again I'm impressed it's beautifully simple, and message conveyed is straight-forward yet it has more than one layer, not to mention taught me a new word, always a good thing. Not only that, it's just pure amazing imagery, a puddle you never thought could be so interesting, but the skill, the ingenuity of this piece is impressive. At times it does seem chaotic, but I feel this adds another layer to the poem, that the rain is never in a pattern it's drops randomly. I feel the flow of this works much like that. And the ending adds a whole circle of life vibe, that the drops will dry, and puddle will vanish.

Overall: Yes this is good. I couldn't help thinking it, reading it last night. But reading it again, I'm astounded by how good this is. I especially like how simple it is, yet how complex, much like drop of water.

Hope this helps.

Hey there Victoria! I'm Sporks and I'll join in with these reviewers.

I must say that I disagree with most of the "corrections" that were made by Truth. Not every line needs to be capitalized, to be honest, you don't even have to capitalize anything. If it's for stylistic purposes, then you can go as crazy as you'd like. I mean, e.e. cummings could do whatever he wanted with poetry, and it wasn't dismissed as being incorrect.

To be honest, I think it's great the way it is.


Sporks