Life is Good

Spoiler

Okay, really don't know how to feel about this piece. I wrote it up in a sum total of thirty seconds, so feel free to tear it apart.

A bottle of Coca-Cola,
My dad’s smile beyond my cap,
A day of misadventure and
What else is needed?
I like life like that.


A broken rule or two,
And in return a broken bone or three,
A measly price to pay for fun
Isn’t it?
Things just work like that.


Well time to ponder future,
Time willing me to reminisce,
There is little to regret or long for -
For it’s all mine still, isn’t it?


Things hurt and break and
In this time, they give and take,
But in the end we’re all just fine
With all we have, ‘cause it’s all we need.
Then we come to realize, don’t we?

Life is good. I can accept that.

Love this! It's a cool piece! Keep on writing!

this si really good and i love the imagery in it lol i coyuld picture all of this in my head it is funny and cool at the same time... keep writing and ill keep reading lol xox

I like the light yet deep feel of it.
But I think you should give it a title, how would you feel if your parents left you nameless?
I think you should name it 'Life is Good'.
Or anything you like but please give a title it's very crucial for any piece of writing.

But I think you should give it a title, how would you feel if your parents left you nameless?
I think you should name it 'Life is Good'.

Well thanks, 'cause I think I agree.

Hi.

I'm going to start off by saying there's something weird about this poem. It's kind of confusing what you're talking about, and because of that, it comes off as being very bland. It also seems that you're attempting to rhyme, but you're just not quite making it. Like you rhyme, and then the next line is not rhyming or the rhyme just isn't quite right. So if you read it aloud, it just doesn't roll off the tongue quite right. It needs work, but it's interesting and I like the idea.

I absolutely loved it! It was amazing. That is really all I have to say.

I think you are amazing and want more to come from you!

I especially loved these parts!

StoryWeaver13 wrote:A broken rule or two,
And in return a broken bone or three,
A measly price to pay for fun
Isn’t it?
Things just work like that.


Well time to ponder future,
Time willing me to reminisce,
There is little to regret or long for -
For it’s all mine still, isn’t it?


Things hurt and break and
In this time, they give and take,
But in the end we’re all just fine
With all we have, ‘cause it’s all we need.
Then we come to realize, don’t we?

Life is good. I can accept that.

Keep writing, I am begging of you. Don’t let any of us down!

A very laid back feel of a poem. And I like that in it, very redeemable, but it seems to be lacking a certain luster, maybe more depth, or perhaps different words. The topic is personal, and maybe not relate able. Personally I like to be able to relate, and connect on the same level that you are writing it.
And I would try to stick to a certain rhyme scheme, not necessary but I think it would help the poem greatly. On the note of grammar, I found nothing wrong, but then again I'm no English teacher.
Hope this was helpful, I look forward to reading more from you.

I feel like this poem lacks rhythm and flow. I know that it is free form, but even that type of poetry has a certain rhythm to it, even if it isn't defined by a set meter.

The thing that is difficult about poetry is that it requires an intuitive ear and understanding of words and the way they sound together. While this is of great importance in prose, the overall length allows the writer to be a little less refined and still capable of producing a good piece (although, without this inner understanding, they may never produce anything GREAT).

I said that this understanding is based upon intuition, but you can still learn it by studying great poetry and seeing what works and doesn't work. You just need to work harder at it.

I know that my review is a bit nebulous, but it's hard to be more specific when the diction and rhythm needs tweaking. Trying to give examples of what to change would be difficult.