abuse part 2

read my poem abuse first if you want the full thing


I come back to the dirty little shack i left her in
she is still there.
Lying very still
very broken.
Blood on her face,
bruises down her arm but still she is very beautiful.
She is a goddess.
I kiss her head.
I cry.
This time i hit too hard,
left her too long.
Whatever it was she is gone now
up with the other angels.
but now no one like me can hurt her.
I am a murderer
a monster.
I take the razor I kept in the drawer
for when she was bad,
I make small slits in my wrist.
Let myself feel the pain the punishment
for ending her life.
I curl up next to her one last time.
I wont even see her up there,
with the angels,
I will be in hell.
I will always remember her for her godlike perfection.
I lean in so close that when I breathe her auburn hair ripples slightly.
I kiss her cold pale cheek.
I whisper I love you.
I almost can see her smile
then i slit my throat
slowly I drift away
I am a murder.

goldentouch wrote:read my poem abuse first if you want the full thing


I come back to the dirty little shack I left her in
she is still there.
Lying very still
very broken.
Blood on her face,
bruises down her arm but still she is very beautiful.
She is a goddess.
I kiss her head.
I cry.
This time I hit too hard,
left her too long.
Whatever it was she is gone now
up with the other angels.
but now no one like me can hurt her.
I am a murderer
a monster.
I take the razor I kept in the drawer
for when she was bad,
I make small slits in my wrist.
Let myself feel the pain the punishment
for ending her life.
I curl up next to her one last time.
I wont even see her up there,
with the angels,
I will be in hell.
I will always remember her for her godlike perfection.
I lean in so close that when I breathe her auburn hair ripples slightly.
I kiss her cold pale cheek.
I whisper, "I love you" I think that's how it is supposed to be.
I almost can see her smile
then I slit my throat
slowly I drift away
I am a murder.

That was very sad. There was a bit of a dark theme too. You missed a few "I"s. But that was kinda it.
~Ladypurple.

Isha here to review.

The first thing I want to say was that I actually really did like this. Like Purple said, you forgot to capitalize a few 'i's' but, other than that, it was very good.

The emotion was clear, and the imagery was good. It had a very dark, very sad feel to it, which I'm sure is what you were aiming for. It flowed well and hooked me in very quickly, which is, of course, another good thing.

Purple got all the nitpicks where the capitilization is, so I suppose that's all. Sorry for the lame review, I just thought I'd say something. xD

Peace out,
Ish.