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Deleted...didn't like it.

As I say to everyone else who I review who hasn't asked me specicifally in my WRFF, I will do this without going through and nitpicking but just grab at what I can and place it right in front of you. I'm just going to mention that I love these. The way you explain thing is thrilling. When I read the prologue and the raping part, I honestly felt frame freeze time; I couldn't pull my eyes away from the screen.

With intense words you caught my attention and captivated me like the Anglefish and Dory. But, I do have one little thing to add, you don't always do this. Sometimes you 'beat around the bush' and it dulls down what you're trying to say. But then sometimes you make me feel as if I am watching what it happening. Here, I'll give you an example.

Walking up my friend Annie's stone pathway, I took a deep breath. When I got up to her big red door I rang the doorbell with every last inkling of hope I had left.

This is beating around the bush. You don't even need the part around the big red door as I already know that you're headed in that direction. You could've cut it out and just began with the doorbell ringing.

Pain shot up my arm from my fingers as I felt and heard a crunch when the car door slammed on my hand. I scream spilled from my mouth involuntarily. The sounds rang through the car and my ears for what seemed like forever, before he got in and once again I felt the familiar pain of a punch in my eye.

Whilst here, you've done an excellent job, I felt like I was sitting in the front car seat and was watching every little movement through a camera.

You see what I mean? All you've really got to do is get to the point and add as much adjectives, nouns etc. as you can and your words will light up like the rest. I never thought I told you this before but you have real talent as a writer and I wouldn't be surprised if this became book.

One other little thing is that you introduced quite a few characters in this that I cannot remember any of their names but a few.

Jordan appeared, as well as some of my other friends D.J, Laura, George, Brandon, and Brianna.

Don't use so much. I have this distinct problem, too. I feel as if everyone should know my characters as I know them. Don't, period. Just mention them as friends for now. And the ones you do bring out should have a distinct personality. I get Julie's and Jordan's and the evil man (my nickname for him), but I am having troubles with Annie. Give her more fire, make her something else.

What you've got so far is fine but I want to see more emotion from her part. If my best friend told me she was pregnant and I didn't know the full reason, I would be gasping like a fish pulled out of water (especially since my best friend is a guy, I'd definitely be on the floor gasping for air). Make her be either disgusted or make her show some sympathy but more to Jordan's POV. I see you've already done that but ellaborate more on it.

Good word, Fiction. I haven't much more to comment on because those were the only problems I had with this. Keep going, honestly. I want to see what happens and I want to see what happens now. And I joke you not.

Happy Writing,
Apple.

Hey there I'm Truth and I'll be reviewing this chapter tonight. I'll start with the least pleasant..

Nitpicks:

The door swung open and Annie’s smile dropped ,and brown eyes faded when she saw me.

You don't really need the 'and' here, I find it sounds better without it.

With a sigh, she asked, "what do you want Julie?”

I'm not sure 'giving is the right word for this here... I've replaced it with 'with' but it's your choice.

“Jordan,” I whispered. He looked back up at me and I could see the hatred for me in his eyes. “I just wanted to-”

I believe that should be 'hatred'

Cutting through her lawn, I continued walking around aimlessly; If Annie wasn’t going to help me, no one would.

I suggest a semicolon here. It keeps the flow, because those two segments are still related and can complete one another

She had stood by me through everything else in my life, but not this? When I truly needed her? She's had been my best friend. How could she just turn her back on me?

Alright here, you are switching from past to present tense... she 'has', 'need', 'has' again... when all the rest of the chapter is in past tense. You're doing pretty good, considering this is a very common mistake, just make sure you keep an eye out for those

He was the only one who would be looking for me, not wanting to risk me telling anyone anything.

There's another one here..

His knuckles turned a pale white color as his grip tightened on the wheel,and his voice rising, as he said“Get your ass in this car right now before I come out and get you myself, and I swear if I have to do that it’s not going to be pretty.”

I would suggest taking out the 'as he said' because I realize you have that type of thing a lot in there and removing it just takes off a bit of stress on the sentence.

I felt a slight relief, but continued to try and wrench free from his grip on my arm.

I believe you meant 'wrench'?

I saw a car screech to a stop in front of us as I clutched at my eye. As my eyes drooped, the person in it all but jumped out of the window to get out of the car.

'In front' should be two separate words.. just some minor typos

Alrighty, now for the overall chapter, I thought you described really well the emotions of your character. You're making us feel through her, which is great. I truly felt sad for her through out the chapter. The plot, I think is really good, from what I have read in the synopsis It is surely something I don't see everyday but you do a great job of explaining your story so far.

The characters could be developed a bit more... they don't seem really different from the average flat characters to me yet so that definitely should be something to work on, to shape them into your creation.
Great job, it really has a lot of potential
Keep writing!

-Truth-

Good job! Again, make sure you're checking your spelling, grammer, punctuation, etc. before you post.

I really like what's happening so far. The main character seems too much of a victim, though. She seems to whiney, like "Oh em gee, my dad is beating me up, no one loves me, im unable to protect myself, someone save me". I realize she's getting abused by her father but.. toughen her up a little as you progress through the story. People who go through this usually blame themselves for the beatings. If your character isn't new to the beatings, like they've been happening for a while, they should be thinking things like "It's my fault he's hitting me, because I'm a bad daughter." or "here comes the punishments that I deserve." stuff like that.

Keep writing!

My bag slung over my shoulder; I slowed my pace down to a walk. Cars whizzed by me, and I felt like they were all watching me. Walking up my friend Annie's stone pathway, I took a deep breath.

When I got up to her big red door I rang the doorbell with every last inkling of hope I had left. I could hear some laughing from the inside. The door swung open and Annie’s smile dropped and brown eyes faded when she saw me.Okay, I just want a little more description, but not the physical kind you keep giving us. Imply the moods the house brings a little more - ie. warm, comforting, or maybe uncomfortable. It'll give us some better idea of who the character is and such, and before we've even met her catch a glimpse of her character.

Okay, another note. Would she really call him dad? I mean, he is, but I've known people who were abused by their parents, and they always say "my father/mother," or even call them "Mrs./Sir." Doesn't necessarily have to be changed, it's your story, but calling him Dad just sounds too friendly and familiar.

My feet felt solid ground again. I felt a slight relief, but continued to try and wretch free from his grip on my arm. A flash of a car just driving right passed us was the last thing I saw before his hand came up and punched me in the face. My eyes closed and my hand went to my mouth, feeling the blood along a gash on my lip.
past

I liked the ending, really fast which worked perfect. Anyway, overall I'm still hooked and excited to see where this keeps leading up to.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

There are just a few common mistakes, mostly unneccisary capitalization and a few verb tense mistakes. Nothing too big. Very good writing though!