Death Alley

I'm guessing this goes in Narrative.
Anyway I wrote this after I finished my english formal writing test. My friends say it's like a metaphor for heartbreak, I kind of guess it is.

Down death alley,
lies a girl.
With a broken heart,
no one will mend.

Standing next to her,
is a young man.
With a sly grin,
plastered on his face.

A knife lies in his hand,
covered in red.
One heart broken,
more to go.

I like it! It was quite short but I thought it was clever, the way you depicted heartbreak. The only typo was "With a broken hear,", I think you meant "a broken heart"? I also didn't think you had to put commas after every second line. other than that well done

I liked the style and imagery you employed in this piece. The idea of a back-alley murderer being a metaphor for a heart-breaking boy is pretty interesting. The first stanza turned me off from the poem though. The whole "broken-hearted girl" idea is incredibly overdone. To avoid falling into that, I'd suggest trying to describe the girl in a way that shows that her heart was broken without directly stating it.
Altogether, a good piece. I enjoyed it.

I think at the end it should be one broken heart down _____ more to go.It's a good poem, it has murder and broken love/hearts in it. But, I dont think the last stanza flowed very well with the rest of your poem. You have the hang of it though, keep writing chicka(:

First off, I'd like to say I enjoyed this. Very interesting piece. All I really have to critique are a couple nitpicks about diction (word choice).
And although I'll only be speaking about two words, those two words can make a difference. Remember, poems are rather short, so every word matters.

Standing next to her,
is a young man.
With a sly grin,
plastered on his face.

There are two parts of this I want to address, both of which are in bold.

The mood and image you've created through the first and third stanzas is that of something dark, evil, and relatable to murder (bloody knife, you know). Correct? Good.

So, nitpick one. "With a sly grin." Sly. Although this isn't too bad of word choice, the connotation is that of someone who's clever or mischievous, like a thief or conman. Surely those both could personify the perpetrators of broken hearts, but you've chosen the image of a murderer: someone who stabs his victim in the heart. That isn't someone who's clever or even mischievous. It is an evil act, wicked, sick.
I'm not saying 'sly' was a bad word choice, though. I'm just saying there are better choices. Just work around with it a bit (but do not say "with an evil grin" because that would be horrible).

My next nitpick is the verb 'plastered'. Now, plastered is a great word. Thing is, it doesn't fit quite perfectly. Here, ask yourself this: what image comes to mind when you hear the word 'plastered'? It sounds like something that's been slapped on, stuck on, and it feels almost pasty because we can't ignore the actual image of plaster. Maybe even a little gross. Perhaps even goofy.
Once again, not a bad word choice. But once again, there are better choices.
In order to find a replacement word, I want you to picture this guy in your head and put it to words.

He stands over you as you cry, holding the knife that cut deep into your heart. He glances at the blood, your love, dripping from its tip; and a smile creeps upon his lips. He's cold. Heartless. Drinking your pain, his smirk grows.

Does that help at all? What word can you use to describe the image in your mind? Really get into character as you write.

Alright, those are my two main points, no matter how wordy they were for such miniscule subjects. I thank you for writing this, because I truly enjoyed it. Good luck with future rewrites and projects.

Oh, and as one last parting tip: you don't need to end each and every line with a punctuation mark. For example, in the stanza I have quoted above, you put commas after 'her' and 'grin'. Don't put commas there since they're not needed. You should only put a comma in if it is grammatically necessary or if you really, really believe the pause it creates to be beneficial to the piece.

Okay, now I'm done. See ya later.

Hm. Well, this was a lot more...intriguing. I could see the darkness, the creepy smile on the guy's face. However, the girl doesn't interest me. She needs something more. I don't know. I need to feel attached to her. Show a necklace her Mum gave her when she was two, or her hair, or something about her face--something to make me want to rip the jerk-wad's head off, yes? I mean, he's a murderer--bad. But currently I don't care about the fact he did anything, which means either my insanity is showing or you might want to think on that.

Yeah.

But I liked this a lot more. It was short, but it carried so much. *envies* And, as always, I love anything put in an urban setting. I'm a city-slicker, so I know about allies--I can imagine the alley. Garbage, asphalt, maybe a stray cat looking on, pigeons, a hawk waiting to catch a small bird somewhere up in the air. It makes me think of my hometown (which is disturbing on a whole 'nother level).

So, just make people feel more. I feel the madness seeping off your bad-boy, but the girl is dead. I mean, she is dead. But I don't care much for dead people, unless I know them. Death is death is death...and now I'm sounding psychotic...

Adios and hope this helps somehow.