For the Love of Fashion Chapter 3

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1074
Reviews 5
“Row row your boat roughly down the stream…merrily merrily life’s but a living hell,” I sang quietly while squeezing the sponge letting the water run down my leg. I sighed happily, dropping the sponge on the tray and leaned back, dipping my leg back into the water.

The annoying sounds of a phone rang woke me up from my little nap. I made an annoying sound back but pick up the phone that was laying on the towel next to me on the toilet seat.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, is there a Miss Ellen Lee?”

“Yes.”

“Hi, Would you like to be one of our first 100 customers to test out our new product that gives you a beautiful smooth and soft skin-”

“Listen buddy, this is not a great way to call someone when they’re in the tub.”

“May I call you some other time?”

“And we are not on a date. So goodbye pestering telemarketers.” I pressed ‘End’ and placed the phone back on the towel. Time for a little nap.

Two hours later…

Rapid poundings came from the door from the apartment door jolted me awake. I groan while getting up, but since I forgot I was still in the tub, I slipped back. In while doing so, I managed to hit my head against the wall.

“Ah shit!” I hissed, rubbing the back of my head.

“Ellen? Are you okay in there? I tried to call but you never picked up! Ellen?” More poundings. Oh shit. I quickly got out of the tub, draining the tub.

“Ellen! I’m not leaving until you open this door. Are you smoking weed or did you pass out from over drinking? Ellen!”

No, what the hell is she doing here? No way. She? Coming to visit me? I drained the tub while I got out, covering myself with a thick cotton robe.

“Ellen! Open this door. The bitchy landlord lady is telling me that I’m getting annoying.”

“I am not bitchy! I just haven‘t had my cigarette yet,”

What is my spoiled but loving best friend doing here?

“I’m coming. I’m coming.” I announced and opened the door.

“Oh god, Ellen! I thought you were dead.” Said Amy, while hugging me.

“Then I’d be happy not to be here.” I replied, giving her a hug back.

“You were always the funny one in the group, Ellen.”

“Thanks for the compliment, Amy.”

“You’re welcome dear.” She smiled pushing her Coco Chanel glasses to her head to look around at my apartment.

“I was being sarcastic.”

“Oh dear, what happened to this place?”

“Renovations. Tan is not the color for the whole apartment. What happened to you? I see you got another boob job.”

She turned around, giggling. “I know. I love it. It’s a bit bigger than before but that’s the price you pay for having a plastic surgeon as your daddy.”

Amy is the exact opposite of me. We’re both rich. I’m not spoiled or having any silicone in my body. Amy, however, is spoiled and probably had more than 25 silicones stuffed in her body. She had her first nose job at sixteen while I had my second boyfriend. And yet….we are best friends. How did we met? She suggested I get breast augmentation. Should have listened to her.

“And you also got black hair extensions.”

“Pbbt, no my hair grew out. I was thinking of styling it with long swept bangs, but you know me, I don’t want nasty fingers of an inexperienced hair stylist to touch my hair.” she combed her manicured nails through it and sat down on my lumpy couch.

“So, what are we going today?”

“It’s 6 p.m.” I fell asleep for two hours. Eww…pruny raisins skin. “Yep, that’s when the day gets started.” Amy said, putting her Alexander Mcqueen bag on the couch.

“Out of all my friends, you are the only one that hasn’t changed.”

“Is that a good thing?” I ask, going to the kitchen. She sat on the Island chair, leaning her head against her hand.

“Oh yes, but also a bad thing. Ellen, you’ve never had a good fashion style…” Amy said, sticking out her index finger as number one on the list.

“A little.”

“….Aren’t very good at maintaining a relationship…” Her middle finger stuck out.

“They were all just the same bunnies that wants to hop in my pants.”

“…..No plastic surgery done on your body.” Her ring finger stuck out.

“I like to age naturally, Amy.”

“I know Ellen. That’s why I love you. Because you’re not fake like most people these days. And, yes you may seem bitchy at some times, but aren’t all girls?”

“…..Did you put any liquor in your coffee or drink?” I ask, worried that she might have.

She laughed and waved her hand at me. “Silly Ellen. No. I don’t drink unless it’s a social event. Or champagne.”

“Then what are you trying to say?” I pinched a bit of white bread, popping it in my mouth.
“I’m trying to say is…Elle, you are my only friend that haven’t changed a bit…and I want that to stay the same. And since I’m doing part time in Clayton State, I don’t see much of you. Let alone talk.”

“So basically…you miss me and I am your true friend.”

“Pretty much.”

I grinned and gave her a big bear hug. “I miss you too. And thanks for that speech.” She squeezed really hard.

“I miss you too. And you’re welcome.”

“Want something to eat?”

“Ellen, we all know you can not cook.”

“I can so….cereal…PB&J…..um…rice….salad…”

“Yea, food that everyone can make. Come on, let’s go. There’s a concert at Philips Arena. Some hot band is playing there.”

“Wait, I forgot to tell you.”

“What?” Amy ask walking over to the couch to grab her purse.

“I got an internship at Love & Glamour Magazine.” Amy dropped her purse and screamed happily with me as we jumped up and down.

“No way!”

“Way!”

“No way!”

“Way!”

“No way!”

“I’m about to slap you because I’m not repeating anymore Amy,” Amy giggled.

“I’m so jealous of you right now. Love & Glamour magazine is the most popular magazine ever to hit the stands in US and internationally. So how did you get the job?”

“I…uh…bumped into Josephina Garcia.”

Amy gasp, making her mouth into an ‘O’.

“The Editor in Chief and also the daughter of Jose Garcia, the one who created Love & Glamour magazine?”

“I wonder why she offered me the job so quickly,”

“Elle, you are so lucky right now. When are you starting work?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Lucky bitch. Anyway, get dressed. We’ve got a concert to go to. A restaurant to celebrate your job. And a club to dance the night away.”

“Ames, I’m 18. I’m not all-”

“Not this club. This club is for teens so no alcohol drinks-shame-just sodas and juice.”

“…Are you sure it isn’t a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?”

“Oh, come on get dressed.”

“Alright, alright.”

Sorry for posting the wrong chapter.
Happiness is a perfume you can not pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself <3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1817
Reviews 82
“Row row your boat roughly down the stream…merrily merrily life’s but a living hell,” I sang quietly while squeezing the sponge letting the water run down my leg. I sighed happily, dropping the sponge on the tray and leaned back, dipping my leg back into the water.

Row, row, row your boat, roughly down the stream...merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life's but a livng hell,"...while squeezing the sponge, letting the water...on the tray and leaning back, dipping my leg into the water. (It distrupts the sentance fluency if you use 'back' twice in one sentance.

I made an annoying sound back but pick up the phone that was laying on the towel next to me on the toilet seat.

I made an annoying sound, (back?) but picked up the phone that rested on the towel on the toilet seat.

"Hi, Would you like to be one"

"Hi, would you like to be one..."

“And we are not on a date. So goodbye pestering telemarketers.”

What? The date sentance doesn't make sense. Also, it's 'goodbye, pestering'.

Rapid poundings came from the door from the apartment door jolted me awake. I groan while getting up, but since I forgot I was still in the tub, I slipped back. In while doing so, I managed to hit my head against the wall.

Rapid poundings that came from my apartment door jolted me awake. I groaned while getting up, but since I forgot I was still in the tub, I slipped back in (with a splash).

I quickly got out of the tub, draining the tub.

I quickly jumped out of the tub, reaching down to drain it on my way out.

Said Amy, while hugging me.

said

Pbbt, no

Pbbt, no!

touch my hair.” she combed

"...touch my hair." She combed

I’m not repeating anymore Amy,” Amy giggled.

I'm not repeating anymore, Amy," Amy giggled. (Two Amys? What?!)

Awesome story! I loved your point of view of those who live fabulously!

~Taylor~
~formerly Ilovebubbles123

"There's only one thing
to do
three words
for you.
Ooh, I love you.

There's only one way
to say
those three words
that's what I'll do.
Ooh, I love you. "

For you.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 72525
Reviews 1220
Hello there. I'll be your reviewer this lovely Review Day. That said, I haven't read the previous chapters. If I bring up a point that was addressed in an earlier chapter, feel free to disregard that point.

Overall, this chapter really didn't hook me. It felt shallow, unrealistic, and rather bland, to be honest. While I normally don't mind having minimal description in favor of dialogue, both characters sounded pretty much the same, so I really couldn't tell them apart. As a result, my general impression of the chapter was "Yak-yak-yakkity-yak. Is there a point to this? Can we have some action now?"

The unrealistic comes in with how the characters speak and their actions, or lack of actions. For instance, Elle when Amy is pounding on the door, does not say a peep until the very end just before she opens the door. A bit unusual, especially if the person at the door is fearing for your life. At the very least, a "Hold on a moment! I'm coming!" shortly after the pounding starts would make sense.

A second instance is how Elle gets a job at a fashion magazine while Amy is remarking all the while (and making a pretty huge deal) about how Elle lacks fashion sense. How do you get a position at a fashion magazine without fashion sense? It makes no logical sense.

The shallow is a result of the lack of connection to the characters, their conversation, and how Amy is described as the girl with the boob job/plastic surgeries. Shallowness is fine if that's part of their characters, but even the most shallow people have some depth to them, and I'm not seeing any hinting of that depth.

So yes. Adding some more description of the characters actions so that they're not talking heads would be good. Also, a bit more substance behind your characters to give them a bit more dimension would make them stronger and less-shallow characters, which will help your readers connect to them better. A good way to add a bit more characterization would be to describe their body postures and actions as they're talking; not only are you also describing the character, you're also showing us their general attitude, and that can go a long way in making a character feel more real to your readers.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR



[as a roleplayer is feeling sad about torturing her characters] GrandWild: "You're a writer, dear. Embrace it."
— GrandWild