A poem for BGL

We're all just six feet under,
shut away from the world.
Our secret's are sins
and we should be ashamed.

Yet, we all walked forward,
and held our colours high.
And we bore the consequences,
as we no longer cared.

Those who share our secret,
come out and breathe,
Don't let this world tell you
that your love is wrong.

We are the ones,
the best friends,
the designers.
The humans.

So let us share our colours,
and let the world see.
That we are the Bi, Gay, Lesbian kids,
and let the world accept,
what they see.

retrodisco666 wrote:We're all just six feet under,
shut away from the world.
Are Our secret's no comma needed here are sins
and we should be ashamed.

Yet, we all walked forward,
held should either be: 'and held' or 'holding' our colours high.
And we bore the consequences,
as I think 'for' might sound better here we no longer cared.

Those who share our secret,
come out and breathe.
Don't let this world tell you, comma not really necessary
that your love is wrong.

We are the ones,
the best friends,
the style guru's no comma needed,
the designers. Style gurus? Designers? Being a tad stereotypical aren't we?
The humans. That was a nice stanza finish.

So let us share our colours,
and let the world see.
That we are the Bi, Gay, Lesbian kids,
and let the world deal with maybe 'accept' or some other word could go better here. 'Deal with' sounds a bit...harsh,
what they see. Again, nice finish

All in all, this is great! It's got a great flow, and a really powerful message! Not that everyone has the guts to go through with what this proposes, but it is a very powerful and clear message. It's a simple and beautiful poem that gets the message across. Well done, great job, and KEEP WRITING!

TIGERSPRITE

P.S. This is pure curiosity, but are you actually gay or just supporting? And *likes*

Are secret's are sins = “our secrets are sins”
This is a great poem, "we" gives a very united feel, and I like how the issue of the poem isn't revealed until the end - a person's sexuality.
"Yet, we all walked forward,held our colours high.And we bore the consequences,as we no longer cared." This is probably my favourite part of your excellent poem, showing that it is better to be true to yourself than to lie to gain acceptance from shallow people with prejudices, as their approval isn't worth it.
I find it hard to criticise this poem because I honestly thought it was amazing! Very empowering, and bold issue. I hope more people get to read this, and maybe learn that each person should be accepted for who they are
keep writing

I agree with the first guy on corrections in grammar. Other than that, WOW veryyy niccce! It made me stop everything I was doing and focus all my attention on your poem. It gives such a good vibe and I love the point it is making. I'm not gay or bi, but I do support them, alot of my friends are and I'm really glad you wrote this poem! (:

Wonderful concept- I think that at parts, it felt a little forced, and the rhythm wasn't too easy to get a hold of, but otherwise, this was nicely done. The first stanza especially felt a little detached, but otherwise, great job. I'm a major supporter of the LGBT community, and think spreading awareness is a wonderful thing. Great job.

-Coral-

I really like this! Although I've never dealt with much discrimination for my sexuality, I have friends that have, and it's horrible. Any nit-picks that i could have pointed out have been mentioned already, so I'd like to tell you great job, and I loved your strong finish. I really liked the flow of the poem. Normally I prefer poems with a rhyming scheme, but there's poems here and there, like this one, that I find I love without the rhyming.

Again, great job!

Keep writing!

xoxo,
Kiicoh.