I died with a smile on my face

I dont have a proper name for this yet but I just came up with cause I feeling really down lately so if anyone wants they say any suggestions, apart from that I hope ya's like this. And I know its really long but hey ho that can happen !

My life was over from the beginning
But then my eyes saw you
That simple and yet mysterious smile
I still see day to day
Wondering when I can see it again

When I saw that smile, I was so light
But that twinkle in your eyes
Wanted to say so much more
I still wish to know to this very day
Maybe it was some words,
you were holding on to

You showed me something I thought I lost
I trusted you with all my heart,
and even entrusted it to you
Which I never saw again,
Along with your soul,
vanishing into that ungodly night

I do not dare look at my chest,
to see where my hearts being torn out
I knew it was with you,
But you were not with me

Now I only wander between this life and the next
Thinking why? Why to me?
You took my heart but gave me a new sight
Ignorant I once was, but you showed me different
Opening my eyes to the more explicit
You showed me the true world
It’s like me sadly to be
It’s heartless and wondering where it is
Lost among many with not much reason to live

Sometimes I sit and wonder,
What the point of this all?
We live life, to eventually die
Ones end is another’s beginning

There are 6 billion people living
6 billion different pains
6 billion different hopes and dream
And 6 billion misfortunes and deaths..

Grim as it might be, the truth is always that
And that’s that, but that’s me
And you are you
But look at the big difference

I wonder if you know,
If you know want you’ve shown me
But its too late now
Now I’m sitting by your grave

A heartless man to begin with
And one to end with
But you were the in between

When you were taken from me
In cold blood nothing the same
I sweared to you, it wouldn’t be in vein
I promised to deliver that I did
Leaving a trail of black blood to here

They wished they’d never lay a finger on you,
Just like I promised, my blood continued to flow
Things start to go dark, its alright
Sitting here is good enough, beside you
Just wait a little longer I’ll be there soon,
Then my questions can be answered, save one
The question of what will become of the world I’m leaving

Head and eyes getting heavy,
I can the blood and bullet holes
But the one thing I can say that others can't,
I died with a smile on my face
Knowing for once in my life, I did something good

My life was over from the beginning
But then my eyes saw you (these first two lines are a bit sappy and cliche)
That simple and yet mysterious smile
I still see day to day
Wondering when I can see it again (If you still see it daily, why are you wondering why you can see it again?)

When I saw that smile, I was so light
But that twinkle in your eyes
Wanted to say so much more
I still wish to know to this very day
Maybe it was some words,
you were holding on to (I love the idea of an eye holding words in its twinkle, but some of the wording was awkward)

You showed me something I thought I lost (be more specific, what did you think you had lost?)
I trusted you with all my heart,
and even entrusted it to you (this is just a restatement of the previous line)
Which I never saw again,
Along with your soul,
vanishing into that ungodly night (I like the idea of the writer's heart vanishing into the night with her)

I do not dare look at my chest,
to see where my hearts being torn out (cliche)
I knew it was with you,
But you were not with me (this is unnecessary and obvious. we've already been told that she's not with the writer)

Now I only wander between this life and the next (what does that mean?)
Thinking why? Why to me?
You took my heart but gave me a new sight
Ignorant I once was, but you showed me different (awkward wording)
Opening my eyes to the more explicit
You showed me the true world
It’s like me sadly to be (awkward wording)
It’s heartless and wondering where it is
Lost among many with not much reason to live (is the world alive? I don't understand the comparison here)

Sometimes I sit and wonder,
What the point of this all?
We live life, to eventually die
Ones end is another’s beginning

There are 6 billion people living
6 billion different pains
6 billion different hopes and dream
And 6 billion misfortunes and deaths.. (This stanza seemed to come out of nowhere. Why is it part of the poem? How does it relate?)

Grim as it might be, the truth is always that
And that’s that, but that’s me (These two lines are very awkward. "That" is overused and just not a great word for poetry in general. Try to use more descriptive, specific words)
And you are you
But look at the big difference

I wonder if you know,
If you know want you’ve shown me ("want" should be "what")
But its too late now (it's)
Now I’m sitting by your grave

A heartless man to begin with
And one to end with
But you were the in between

When you were taken from me
In cold blood nothing the same
I sweared to you, it wouldn’t be in vein ("vein" should be "vain")
I promised to deliver that I did (awkward wording)
Leaving a trail of black blood to here (What is the black blood?)

They wished they’d never lay a finger on you,
Just like I promised, my blood continued to flow
Things start to go dark, its alright
Sitting here is good enough, beside you
Just wait a little longer I’ll be there soon,
Then my questions can be answered, save one
The question of what will become of the world I’m leaving

Head and eyes getting heavy,
I can the blood and bullet holes (reword)
But the one thing I can say that others can't,
I died with a smile on my face
Knowing for once in my life, I did something good

I wasn't able to really draw anything from this poem because there were so many awkward wordings and random tangents. If something isn't absolutely essential to the meaning of a poem you're writing, you should remove it. Try really cutting this down and go through and fix wording mistakes so that it's a much tighter, cleaner poem. Once you've done that it'll be much easier to actually critique the poem you intended.

You are an amazing writer, and this poem is awesome. I love it! It is rather long, and that effects the understanding of the poem a little bit, because it has so many points they just wanting to be with the person that died. It gave the impression, of learning of the world, and trying to save everyone. Maybe you could cut it down a bit. Even if you don't it will still be an amazing poem. and you will always be an exceptional author. I hope I was helpful.