Bubbling Light

So I have absolutely no idea where to put this, but Other is always a good place to go. When in doubt, post to Other. Hah. Well lemme know what you think, I'm trying to get back in my writing groove.


Happiness moves in the grooves of life
Up and down, through fields of strife.
Like a river of bubbling light
Constant, constant through the fight.

Just a sip from the tiny stream
Or a ride down the roaring rapids,
The scenery is always changing
Yet the time is never vapid.

And sometimes people build dams to block it,
Keep it from flowing, sometimes stop it.
But rivers can not be contained,
Eventually the dam is strained.

Through the cracks the river flows
Laughing and bubbling back down the road,
And people come running to take a dip,
To hang their feet in the groove.

Because happiness is just like water,
Finding the swiftest course to laughter,
Moving through the grooves of life,
With you through the fields of strife.

Ah, I like it.

It was very....smooth?
Easily read, and made me happy

I'm honestly not a big fan of a constant rhyming poem, but this was different. I feel like the rhyming sort of expressed how the water (or happiness) kept flowing.

Very nice!

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! Sort of just a get-back-in-the-groove thing...Thanks again!

I liked your metaphor and how you developed it. There were also sections that flowed very nicely and reflected the water itself, as Niki said. However, you broke your rhyme scheme a few times, which really threw off the feel of the poem. Try making your rhyming constant all the way through the poem. Also, to really get that flowing, musical feel, I'd try writing this with a syllable pattern also. It will be tough to get both the rhymes and the syllables, but if you work through it you'll have a very cool poem.
Nice work.