Summer My Love

She started running to me so fast I couldn't see
It seemed like an eternity since she met last year with me

She was so warm and inviting I didn't want it to end
but I didn't think about it during our fun back then

There were always those little moments only we shall never forget
And all the people she introduced me to that I'm so happy that I met

For it to never end was my only intent
but she had to leave again and quickly she went

As she left from my arms I felt a quick chill
It was familiar yet agonizing almost like it held me still

As I watched her fade away her colors changed to bright
But the spirit of her emotions were dull and not right

Until next year my love I count the moments until we meet
for now I must face the pain of not having my four month treat

The chill is hard to bare as I wait for it to pass
I will sense her approaching and different emotions will flash

I look back on all our times for every day we're not together
I can't wait until you return to rid this horrid weather

You always be the best of four for things you do for me
It's like a treasure I try to open but only you possess the key

You hold the book of my favorite memories that I love to look through
Every time we meet you seem to have added something new

I can't wait until I see you again with your new spectacular surprise
You will bring acceptance as well as complies

The love and memories that kindle us I know will never die
But until next year to our past I must say goodbye

Hi Ben, welcome to YWS.

I would suggest trying this poem without a rhyme scheme. While reading it, I frequently got the impression that you were focused more on rhyming than on saying what you wanted to say. If you get rid of the rhyming, you'll be a lot more free in how you'll be able to express yourself.
Also, the poem didn't really create an picture in my head. Adding some imagery so that the reader can see and feel exactly what's going on will help a huge amount.
You clearly put some feeling into this. Try just laying out your thoughts and senses and forget about rhyming and stereotypical poetry. You have the emotions here for a poignant piece.

This work well...is rather childish with the rhyme scheme. I understand what you are wanting to do, so you were able to present that. As for the poem in all I am not impressed. I would suggest go back with your pen and write till you drop. Observe things, read more works from others and find a similar style and start with that. Reading and being able to understand the concepts of poetry is a useful tool when writing.

I hope you keep writing and only take this as constructive advice, rather than be bashing you for you're inabilities at this time. I am sure with just some time you will do well for the future.

Hey Ben,
I really liked the story of the poem. I could connect wih it and it made a lot of sence. Your word choice was not over done, and simple, but yet it got the point across lovely. I liked it (: One thing though, the rhyming is a little over done. An idea maybe is to rhyme ever other line, or take a few rhyming lines, but the poems true meaning, and the rhyming do not mash as well together as they could. I did enjoy it though! Good work! (:

Hello,
This is really good but I think you're overdoing some things like using "fancy" words when normal words would work just, if not, better. It was very romantic and I felt the heartache in it.
Highlighted words or phrases are things that I changed or my comments so if I wrote it I would do that but, again, it's just me and you don't have to pay any attention to me.

"She started running to me so fast I couldn't see
It seemed like an eternity since we met last year

She was so warm and inviting I didn't want it to end
but I didn't think about it during our fun back then

There were always those little moments that only we will never forget
And all the people she introduced me to I'm so happy that I met

For it to never end was my only intent
but she had to leave again and quickly she went (again?)

As she left my arms I felt a quick chill
It was familiar yet agonizing almost like it held me still

As I watched her fade away her colors changed to bright
But the spirit of her emotions were dull and not right

Until next year my love I count the moments until we meet
for now I must face the pain of not having my four month treat

The chill is hard to bare as I wait for it to pass
I will sense her approaching and different emotions will flash

I look back on all our times for every day we're not together
I can't wait until you return to rid this horrid weather

You'll always be the best of four for things you do for me
It's like a treasure chest (maybe? it's optional.) I try to open but only you possess the key

You hold the book of my favorite memories that I love to look through
Every time we meet you seem to have added something new

I can't wait until I see you again with your new spectacular surprise
You will bring acceptance as well as complies

The love and memories that kindle us I know will never die
But until next year to our past I must say goodbye"