As the brave, i march up to the front, side by side, the brave march up to the front, for those of the coward, fight alone, next to none, but those who are the brave, here i lie, for you to pray, remember me, on this day, i fought for freedom, in Flanders field, where the poppies grow, for those of the sins, i lay here, as the brave who marched up forward to the front, tears are shed, for honor, for peace, for you, where the poppies grow, we remember the ones who r missed, on remembrance day we remember, where the poppies grow, side by side we marched as the brave.
Hey Lance, firstly, welcome to YWS. This is really good for a first post. I thought that it was well thought and had good description. I just think that if you made it a have a better format, then it will be a lot better. Just try to maybe use a new line after each comma, so it seems less like a block of text. That's all I really have to say. Keep writing.
"As the brave, I march up to the front, Side by side, The brave march up to the front, For those of the coward, Fight alone, next to none, But those who are the brave, Here I lay, for you to pray, Remember me, on this day, I fought for freedom, In Flanders field, Where the poppies grow, For those of the sins, I lay here, As the brave who marched up forward to the front, Tears are shed, for honor, for peace, for you, Where the poppies grow, We remember the ones who are missed, On Remembrance Day we remember, Where the poppies grow, Side by side we marched as the brave."
This would be a better format to write your poetry in, as kingolions also suggested. Keep writing though, and improving on old works is always nice.
