His Family Picture

First grade class
Crayons on paper
Instructions to draw
A family picture
Teacher walks around
Smiling at the families
On the white paper
Some draw moms
And Dads
Some draw just Mom
Brothers, sisters, pets
They have happy, smiling
Faces
But one boy's
Is not so gleeful
The teacher stops
Sits next to him
Quietly asks
Will you tell me
About your picture?
The little boy nods
He points out two stick figures
One has tears pouring
Down her face
The man figure's
Hand is clenched in
A fist
The boy whispers
That's Mommy and Daddy
Mommy cries a lot
'Cuz Daddy gets mean
And he hits her
He points to a smaller
Figure
With long yellow hair
He says That's
My sister
She's bigger than me
She used to be nice
Before Daddy got mean
Now she puts needles
In her arm
And she doesn't
Remember me
He points to the smallest
He says That's me
I got purple all over me
'Cuz of Daddy
He smiles up at the teacher
Do you like
My family picture
The teacher has tears in
Her eyes
She goes to the phone
Makes calls in
Hushed whispers
She thinks that
They'll help him
But the little boy goes home
And his daddy gets mean
And hits, kicks, punches
The boy cries
Mommy, help me!
Sissy, save me!
They cry
But ignore his pleads
Until the boy stops crying
In the morning
The teacher is told
The sad, sad news
She cries
Tears of agony
Self hatred
Loathing the social workers
She called
They should have helped
She keeps
His Family Picture
In her desk drawer
To remind herself
There's so much more
She can do than make
A couple of calls

ucantchangeme wrote:First grade class
Crayons on paper
Instructions to draw
A family picture... Already, this poem has my attention. Weelll done.

The teacher stops
Sits next to him
Quietly asks
Will you tell me
About your picture? Already, I feel like I'm about to cry. This is the part where readers start to relate, if they can. It's just a really sad bit of your poem. :/ It's good, though.

So, yeah. This was a VERY fantastic piece, if I must say so myself. I really enjoyed reading it, and it was rather sad... I don't know what else to say about this, because I didn't seem to find anything grammatically wrong or whatever. So, all in all, good job, and keep up the good writing

Awww such sad poetry from everyone today. :'( But this told a really meaningful story, and I can't say anything more than that really. I think you could've done a little more in illustrating it, but the story is beautiful (well, horrible, but you know what I mean). Just try to improve the way you tell it, because the story itself is really touching.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver13

I swear, this poem has moved me so much that I began to cry. I feel the same way about what your first reviewer pointed out. I do think, that if you've ever experienced this that you need to find someone to help you. I can't exactly say too much exept that this is just wonderful, so sad and I've actually had a friend who endured this.
Write on,

Wisp.