Stranger

A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart
Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry
Because of a stranger
Yes, that's what you are
Your lies are just the proof
that I should not trust
I feel like I'm breathing pure dust
Turn around without saying farewell
With your coat on your shoulder
and your hands in your head
Walk to the horizon, smell the fresh air
Thanks for this moment
I wish you the best

Wow, that was wonderfully written. I especially loved the first two lines,
"A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart"
Those words were very strong to me, because - If I've decoded the message well enough- I can relate to them.
Also, there's one thing that was confusing me in the eleventh line "and your hands in your head" - I wasn't sure if you meant "your head in your hands" but it could have meant something to you. I'm not sure, but otherwise I really felt that this was a work of art x]

This poem does a great job of conveying its intended emotion and meaning. It's one of the best I've encountered on this site. I also was confused by the eleventh line, not knowing whether it was mistyped or had a hidden meaning. The last two lines were particularly meaningful to me because of how fleeting and heartfelt they made the poem seem. Awesome work.

Solvalery wrote:Wuuuuhooo! Click like if...well, if you like it! xD
That poem down there kinda sucks
but I was mad then and it made me feel luck
so I opened chrome and I typed the URL
and I posted it for you to... read?
NAH! *Sol re-writes*
That poem down there kinda sucks
but I was mad then and it made me feel luck
so I opened chrome and I typed the URL
and then I posted it on YWS!

A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart
Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry This sounded a little strange; maybe consider rewording it.
Because of a stranger
Yes, that's what you are
Your lies are just the proof
that I should not trust
I feel like I'm breathing pure dust I didn't quite understand this line. Clarify, please.
Turn around without saying farewell
With your coat on your shoulder
and your hands in your head Do you mean head in hands?
Walk to the horizon, smell the fresh air
Thanks for this moment
I wish you the best

Overall: I really liked this poem. I found myself connecting to it. So job welll done, Sol. You should write more poetry. Keep writing~Blue.

Hey!

Solvalery wrote:my eyes want to cry

I would just say "I want to cry" ... eyes are just the things that tears come out of, they don't have a mind of their own, haha.

Solvalery wrote:pure dust

I like this line but I think you should use a different word than pure, because dust isn't pure.

Solvalery wrote:and your hands in your head

I don't understand this... how can hands be in a persons head?

I like the rest

Solvalery wrote:and your hands in your head

Woah! Seems like there's trouble with this line! xD
Well, what I meant was that the guy would be worried/confused and wouldn't know where to go or what to do, because when we're worried sometimes we put our hands in our heads! xD But thanks for the reviews, everyone! And Emily, we can put our hands in our heads, like when we brush our hair or something like that! xD Well, that's what I meant! Graciaaaaaas!

oh haha i get it now

Cool! Your poem got featured! xD

Anyway, I wouldn't comment much because the others had already caught a lot of things. I'm just here to say that I like and I think that it's cute poem XD. The last lines were the ones I loved the most .

- Whisperer -

O_o Mysterious.. ! Beautifully written, my love! This poem it really describes how you don't know who this person is, and I get a mental picture. I like the mystery, it captures your audience. Very nice chikaa!

Hello there Solva!

Maybe one thing that you need to make this poem clearer is that you should try to connect (more) the narrator and the 'stranger' well. It seems a bit blurry to understand.And are you talking about love? acceptance or what? The theme's a bit general and if you would've been specific, then this poem can stand independently. I also want to clarify about your punctuations. I haven't even seen one, so you should try placing it on the poem for a better flow or pacing. All in all, this has potential but just like what I've said earlier try to make things more vivid. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing and peace out,
Yuri

Yuriiko wrote:And are you talking about love? acceptance or what?

I would like to answer that, but right now I'm not even sure if I'm standing in front of the computer or if I'm still in my country! Gaah! I'm confused, wish me luck! Thanks Yuriiko!

A very good poem indeed! my favorite part of the poem was
"Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry Because of a stranger"
even though you write about the stranger, there is still fear of the stranger. But at the end you with the best for the stranger. I quite like this poem. Looking forward to see more.

Beautifully written! You did well in describing that the person feels like a stranger to you. Maybe a little too well.....Anyways, to me I was getting the impression that you knew the person but they've now changed but I couldn't feel it. All I saw was a stranger that the narrator doesn't really in fact know. Maybe a few details of how they've changed would help clear it up.

A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart
Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry
Because of a stranger
Yes, that's what you are
Your lies are just the proof that I should not trust you?
I feel like I'm breathing pure dust Why?
You Turn around without saying farewell
With your coat on your shoulder
and your hands in your head
You? Walk to the horizon,and smell the fresh air
Thanks for this moment I wish you the best.