Did any of it ever really matter? she wondered as she looked out at the passing strangers beyond the glass of her window. She tried to pretend that she were one of them. Perhaps she was really an old woman on the way to the grocery store. Perhaps she was the mother of a wild seven year old, scolding him for his crazed display at that specific moment. Or perhaps she was always Anna. Who else? For she did not feel old, or like an embarrassed mother. What she felt, was broken.
Anna sighed and glanced out the window once more, gazing wearily at the fallen leaves of autumn. If only things had been as they were before. They never would be though, and she knew it well. If she knew anything, it was that things had changed now. Things always do.
A gentle sound of her mothers radio played through the wooden door of her room, and she smiled at it. Her mother hated punk music, and she was playing it at an ubseen volume to try and make Anna feel better. Her mother might have thought this display of kindness would plant the seed of happiness in Anna's heart, and perhaps draw her out of her room. It was a futile attempt, but sweet, none the less.
Anna again tried her pretending game, this time, imagining she was actually a beautiful girl in a floral dress that was passing her window just then. The girl had a certain kind of look about her that Anna knew all too well. She had the look of a girl in love.
Dismissing the game quickly, she turned away from the window. Her face carried a pained expression of loss and sorrow. If only she could be someone else! If only she could feel wha that girl was feeling again. It was as if sh would always be alone now. She had her shot at rue love. She could not have another. What she had felt while in love was...perfect. Like there was nothing on earth except light, and it was the light of her love! How bright it once was! how gleaming and golden life was to her then. Nevermore.
Wind thrust itself against her window violently, as if trying to enter through the shut portal. It was a symbol of her actions over the past few days. She had tried so hard to understand why it was Darren did not love her anymore. She begged with him, and pleaded, but he would not tell her. Was it another girl? she had asked, but recieved no responce in return. Had she done something? Silence. He had mearly told her that he did not love her anymore, and that she should go. That's all. After she had given him everything withing her. Everything.
She had been dismissed like a silly child. One too uninteresting to play with, and too bothersome to be around. He had said goodbye to the girl he swore love to. Just like that. A snap of the fingers was all it took. What had she been to him but a plaything? A toy to be disposed of at any time he so chose? Who was this man?
Retreating back to her warm chair next to the window, she sat listening to the angry winds cry. It was the sound of her heart breaking. It was the sound of her futile cries for a second chance. The locked window would not budge against it. Nothing could budge against that powerful glass except...and then she realized. Many things could break it down. Glass would shatter if heated to the right temperature. It would break if many men pushed against it. It would fall apart if something heavy enough pushed through. But this meant nothing. Darren was not made of glass. He was made of stone. And he had crushed her already. Anna could do nothing but let go.
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