For the Unknown

-For the Unknown-

For a time,
It-could-be a crime.
Another day,
It-could-be quite fine.
For every day, a chance,
And every dog, it's way.
Now, may I have this dance?

This is one of my first attempts at poetry, so please, be brutal . ^.=.^

*This story was written in midst of English class, ironically, during poetry reading. I'm no poet, I'm a writer, but I was told I had a knack for it so what the hay?

Okay, so I really like this. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be critical, but there was a rough rhythm to it that was really natural and cool. The only thing I didn't get was the last line but somehow it also had that kinda swagger to it. I like your style, it's the kind of loose stuff that I really like to read. If I were to give you some advice, I'd just say try to make it a little longer so you could elaborate on it a little more.
Anyway, keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I like it
The only thing that annoyed me was

TheWalkinDude wrote:And every dog, it's way.

because of the saying "every dog has its day" and i feel like that is what it should say. But then it wmight have sounded dumb if you said the word day twice, so I guess it's ok haha
Good job.

Dude,

There is a word for this kind of epic.
LEGITEAMITE (pronounced le-gite-a-mite): expresses superiority to regular legitamacy.
Quite cool, eh?
Anyhow, I liked this a lot when I finally figured out what it actually meant.
I wasn't sure why the "It-could-be" was all hypenated, is there a reason for that?
Just wondering, I don't think it needs to be changed.
I'm not very sure if the title is very fitting, but other then that, it seems good.

On a seperate note, I strongly believe you should keep up writing.
Not only is it fun, but creative outlets will always prove useful throughout your life, no matter where your path takes you.
With a little bit of practice, and maybe reading up on some poetic literature if you have the time, and take some of the advice you get here on this site (the kind, logical criticism, not some of the less-then-savory mean spirited comments you'll run into here once in a while) you could further your writing skills greatly.
Don't hesitate to PM me if you need any help, advice or motivation.

Keep it up,
QL798

Thanks for the replies, you guys! I wasn't sure this poem would generate much but a little banter or riff-raff, but seems people actually do like it.

Okay, first off, at Weaver: Yeah, keep in mind I wrote this in the middle of class (well, technically at the end of class; everyone was leaving and I was still writing on my notepad) and I didn't exactly plan on putting too much meaning behind this. But I still went with it all the same. Thanks again, dude!

At Emalily: I had originally put "Every dog, it's day" and on the tp line put "Another way" but I didn't like the sound another way, because it just doesn't seem right. Thanks for the comment and I'd glad to post my next poem! (funny, being that I'm not a poet, but, I guess we all have our gifts we feel arn't really ours to own.)

And last but msot definitely not least, at Quietloud: Dude, that's awesome how you put that thing there. Really schweet! As far as those dashes, those weren't even in the original. As I was typing this, I thought about a poet who did lots of dashes. I think it was mily Dickinson or someone. Can't remember. But she did that to express importance or just to have a beak, as if singling that one word out so it can really be soked in. I thought it worked with mine, because I'm talking about a different time frame, in a sense.

At Everyone: Thanks again, and yesw, yes, yes! I'll keep writing, forever and always!

Zac (A.K.A. The Walkin Dude)

I do like this. It's very different, and your rhythm and use of words are hard to follow, which I think that's how it should be. I like the message it sends, and that it sends very different kinds of messages depending on who's reading it, this poem is mysterious, i like it.

Thanks, rememberme! Uber awesome that my poem has generated this kind of response! I've got another poem I wrote in my economics class that I think I may post, just to see what people think. Oh! And the title I know, it's odd, but I wrote this with the intent of mystery and that the reader could interperet it in his or her own way, and I though nothing was more mysterious than the unknown, so I just put that as a title.

'For a time, It-could-be a crime.' You have no clue how catchy that sounds xD Great job, it's awesome