the frozen heart and the wood

this is #4 and 5 of my Wood series PLEASE review
p.s. don't get confused about the queen part, I am still writing the odds and ends (LOL)


The Frozen Heart


There in the bottom of the ice pool lays the frozen heart.
It’s a jewel so beautiful,
We can only dream of it.
All those who seek fortune want the frozen heart.


Ruby red,
Sparkling with tiny diamonds,
The Frozen Heart.


It is the thing that makes the hood able to bewitch our minds.

It is the thing that holds the power of The Dream Hunter.

It is the thing that created the Midnight Wolf.

The Frozen Heart is beautiful yes, but beware its flicker,
Or you to will become a servant of the Frozen Heart.


The frozen Heart lies in the pool of ice calling to its slaves.
Hurry!
We must save all those who bow to the Frozen Heart.



The Wood



Many have went,
None left.


Many sought,
None reaped.


Its Black branches,
It’s dangerous
Dwellers:

The Midnight Wolf,
The dream Hunter,
The Hood.



The Frozen Heart
In it’s bed of ice.

Dangers lurk in the wood.


The Queen of mercy
Rules her kingdom there.

Beware the raven’s call,
Beware the Moon,
Beware the Sun.
Beware those who reside in the wood.


But one day soon you will go there,
So now you know what lurks in the wood.

Hey chickah! It's me your homie rememberme? haha no foreal remember me?! lol. Okay so I really like this poem I like how its layed out and spaced out, but not trying to diss on your bruh but I think you can be more discriptive than this infact I KNOW you can! Just sometimes readers want something more descriptive so they can picture it and imagine it better, it helps you tell the story better. But you did really good with detail! I liked it, I liked the sparkly heart. One line I really like was "The frozen Heart lies in the pool of ice calling to its slaves." I like how the frozen heart is burried deep in a pool of ice calling to its slaves, but who are the slaves? I'd like to know more about the story behind this poem, other than that I love it!
Love
Your home skillet

Hey there Flow here for another review. Sorry for the lateness, busyness you know.

The Frozen Heart


There in the bottom of the ice pool lays the frozen heart. I think if you split this into two lines it would be more powerful.
It’s a jewel so beautiful,
We can only dream of it.
All those who seek fortune want the frozen heart. This line seems a bit jumpy. You don't really flow into it at all.


Ruby red,
Sparkling with tiny diamonds,
The Frozen Heart.


It is the thing that makes the hood able to bewitch our minds.

It is the thing that holds the power of The Dream Hunter.

It is the thing that created the Midnight Wolf. Interesting. I like how all of your poems come together to create a story.

The Frozen Heart is beautiful yes, but beware its flicker,
Or you to will become a servant of the Frozen Heart. I wouldn't say Frozen Heart again or the repition gets obnoxious. We also know what you are talking about when you say it instead of Frozen Heart.


The frozen Heart lies in the pool of ice, calling to its slaves. I would say it not the frozen heart.
Hurry!
We must save all those who bow to the Frozen Heart. This was jumpy, and not a very clean ending.



The Wood



Many have went,
None left.


Many sought,
None reaped.


Its Black branches,
It’s dangerous
Dwellers:

The Midnight Wolf,
The dream Hunter,
The Hood.



The Frozen Heart
In it’s bed of ice.

Dangers lurk in the wood.


The Queen of mercy
Rules her kingdom there. I would have put her story before all of this.

Beware the raven’s call,
Beware the Moon, Just put the moon and the sun, and then put an and at the beginging of the last line. (Omiting the beware.
Beware the Sun.
Beware those who reside in the wood.


But one day soon you will go there, Random, out of nowhere. I also think getting rid of the but would make it sound better.
So now you know what lurks in the wood.[/quote]

All in all this is, ok. I liked how you tied all of the stories together, but the details are getting a bit dull. You lost your color and the very essence of mystery you had before. You made it so plain, you lost the colorful words and the colorful description. I think add that back and it could be perfect. I have never read a series of poems before, but I think the idea is lovely. Well that's about all I can say.

-Flow-

I had to finish the series. These are great poems. I especially like The Frozen Heart, and The Wood seems a good poem to sum it up. I love how you talk about the heart, give us such a good picture of what it is and what it does, but the first line of last stanza doesn't seem to go in the last stanza. It's like there's supposed to be more description there, like there should be more to the poem. Maybe add more there? I understand the ending, though.
The Wood: A nice title, sums it up very well. The first stanza: "Many have went, None left." does that mean that many went into the woods, but there is no one left? Or does it mean that many went into the woods and none left the woods? They both make sense, I suppose. Either way, they are both very nice poems. They flow well, have good descriptions, and are about original topics. Very nice. Keep writing!