All The Faces - Inspiration

Covered faces: can't tell who is who.
Impossible expressions you can not read.

But what happened those neighborhoods
where you'd see open doors and open blinds
so everyone could behold "your" beauty - your home?

Now, trapped in a card board box I feel the tension,
the suffocation
but somehow this is your home
and you feel safe.

Objections and no worries. You are strong.

Outward appearances mean nothing to these people
so I am like a pebble laying on the ground.
They don't know me - they don't care for me.

That how it is here,
for you,
family is everything
and I know I can't butt into that.

I almost feel apologetic,
if it were not for you explanatory words filled with excuses
and regard.

This new "world" is close; connected, and you openly fill me with it.

____________________________________________________________________

*Sorry if the ending comes up short. I kind of wrote this on the spot, in a sort of whip so to speak, but I'm just hoping it's good enough so that you guys can tell what I'm trying to say through this. Any critiques are fine. Tear it to shreds if you must. Thanks.

Hello CreativeFreak,

This is a good start, but you are right the ending needs work. Maybe you could write about how they wish to be free of their life, or how they've been mistreated by life. Whatever you decide for the ending I know it'll be great.

Objections and no worries.

I think you meant no objections, and even if you didn't it fits in better with the poem. I'm not trying to tell you how to write your work you can do that for yourself.(And your doing a great job if I may say) I just hope I was helpful.

Hey there
I'll make this short; corrections I suggest in red and comments in bold.

Covered faces; can't tell who is who.
Impossible expressions you can not read.

But what happened those neighborhoods
Where you'd see open doors and open blinds,
Where everyone could behold "your" beauty - your home? why the quotations on 'your'?

Now, trapped in a card board box, I feel the tension, I feel that last part should be with the next line
The suffocation
But somehow this is your home Is it not that 'somehow' she/he feels safe, not that it is 'somehow' his/her house?
And you feel safe.

Objections and no worries. You are strong.

Outward appearances mean nothing to these people
so I am like a pebble laying on the ground;
They don't know me - they don't care for me. Loved that part

That how it is here,
For you,
Family is everything
But I know I can't butt into that.

I almost feel apologetic,
If it were not for you explanatory words filled with excuses
And regard.

This new "world" is close; connected, and you openly fill me with it.

Now, every line should always be capitalized. I see that you did it at some places and not at others, try to keep it constant. Overall, this is not bad. It's a bit iffy on the subject... I don't think I really understood the main idea of it at all. Maybe, if you want to make it clearer, you could impose us a more outlined story or you could keep it as open as it is, it's you're choice
Keep writing!

-Truth-

Covered faces: can't tell who is who.Impossible expressions you can not read.But what happened those neighborhoods where you'd see open doors and open blinds so everyone could behold "your" beauty - your home?Now, trapped in a card board box I feel the tension, the suffocation but somehow this is your home and you feel safe.Objections and no worries. You are strong.Outward appearances mean nothing to these people so I am like a pebble laying on the ground.They don't know me - they don't care for me.That how it is here,for you,family is everythingand I know I can't butt into that. I almost feel apologetic, if it were not for you explanatory words filled with excusesand regard.This new "world" is close; connected, and you openly fill me with it.

in this i feel what your feeling but i dont understand what your talking about it kind confusing but other wise i really like it

Covered faces: can't tell who is who. This is a good starting line
Impossible expressions you can not read. Nice idea but needs to flow a bit more, i would try and rearrange some of the words if you can here
But what happened those neighborhoods - what happened TO those neighboorhoods
where you'd see open doors and open blinds -I think you can maybe cut this line a bit shorter, it makes you stop while reading and have to go back and reread it again.
so everyone could behold "your" beauty - your home?

Now, trapped in a card board box I feel the tension, I like this idea
the suffocation ,
but somehow this is your home
and you feel safe.

Objections and no worries. You are strong. This line seems to pop out of nowhere? Just because of where it is placed.
Outward appearances mean nothing to these people
so I am like a pebble laying on the ground.
They don't know me - they don't care for me. - a relatable feeling to many, this is good i find
That how it is here,
for you,
family is everything
and I know I can't butt into that. I'm not sure about using "butt into that", it draws away from any poetic feel
I almost feel apologetic,
if it were not for you explanatory words filled with excuses
and regard.

This new "world" is close; connected, and you openly fill me with it.

I think this poem has a very good idea to it, it's relatable however i think it needs some restructuring and more flow.
I think it has a lot of potential!
Em

Hello.
When I saw the cover of this, All The Faces - Inspiration, I was hoping for a really indepth poem. Maybe about multiple-personality-disorder. I didn't expect this.
The theme is pretty good and the meaning comes across.

"Impossible expressions you can not read" - I would use, "Impossible expressions i am unable to read." It flows better and you can not read is a tad bit unintelligent.

"But what happened to those neighborhoods" remember to check over your work.

The repetition of 'open' in the 4th line is unnessercairy. It doesn't add to the poem, nor make it flow better.

"...You are strong" BAM! where'd the hell did that come from? Depressing, sullen, neutral... super confidence buster!? This is out of place and does not belong in this poem.

The use of 'butt' in the 5th last line is totally not well used. It takes away from the poetic language and the feeling behind the poem. A common, ugly word like butt is totally in the wrong place in this poem.

After overviewing this poem, I can see that it is fairly ok and that it hits home with what you are trying to say. It has a two really well done stanza's which makes it a shame for the handful of mistakes and disruptsions in the imaginative and intellectua flow of the poem. Keep on writing.

~nova.

I liked this poem but I need to know one little thing. What is the motive and moral. I need to know because I like the words but I didn't get the motive and moral. I don't get the plot. But I think that you should keep on writing in order to perfect it. I like it though, I really do, no lie.

It is nice and lovely, but I too, wish to know the moral and motive. Otherwise, this could become something great. It has a lot of potential.