I'll Never Forget

Spoiler

Written: Saturday, May 10, 2008
Title: I'll Never Forget
Description: This poem is dedicated in loving memory to my Grandfather, who died on Saturday, February 23, 2008, 1:20 pm.
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Just thought I might share this. Any thoughts are welcome.
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My grandfather was a big part of my life, and I miss him dearly. I don't think I ever truly let him know how much I loved him. And I wish that I could go back in time and tell him that I loved him.

I miss you Grandpa.

I'll never forget,
All the times you
Laughed out loud
In mirth and joy.

Or the way you
Looked as your
Age began to gain
On you.

I'll never forget the
Laughter in your eyes,
Or the simple joy
You took from being
Outside.

I'll never forget,
The love you gave
To everyone that came
Inside the house.

Or the love you
Had of food. A
Simple love that
Went deep.

I'll never forget,
The way you laughed,
Or the sound of
Your voice.

I'll never forget,
The way everyone
Cried at your death.
Or the pain in
Grandma's eyes.

I'll never forget the
Way Steven cried
And almost refused
To be a pallbearer.

Or the suspense and
Tension everyone that
Loved you felt while
You were in the hospital.

I'll never forget how
Much love was given
To you in return for
Yours.

And I'll never stop
Thinking of you.
I'll never stop
Remembering how
Serene you looked
As you lay in that
Coffin.

I just wish, that I
Could have said
Good-bye.

I'll never forget
That you loved
Us, no matter
What.

Hi there, Lisa.

This is incredibly sad to read, and it's a memorial, so I don't really think that I can touch on content as far as what I like to see in a poem or whatever. But, I want to give you a quick tip on grammar.

Since you decide to use punctuation in this piece, it needs to be consistent, correct, and used well. The same goes with capitalization. In the piece, you have commas thrown in places where you need no commas, and your capitalization is off as well. Know that this is my biggest bone to pick with this piece, so you did fairly well.

I also want to challenge you on something, Lisa!

Now, you provide tiny clips into scenes of the end of his life in this poem; I think you can give us more and paint a beautiful portrait in memorial of your grandfather. You clearly have the passion and talent behind you, so I want to see wonderful things from you. If you decide to edit this later on, add-on to it, or whatever, consider my challenge to give images and happenings from the scenes. The poem makes the reader sad; now make him cry.

Keep writing,

-Lumiface