Wings

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 790
Reviews 59
All they told me was
it had been a car.
Said, “Today’s the day.”
And fashioned me
from your skin.

At first I was milk-white,
like fog hovering
over a gray and desolated earth.
Yet day by day the sun
quickly taught us to be peach.

I grew up to match you,
and would sometimes spread
my joints up-up and away;
in some smiling gesture
or crazy seizure of happiness.

We weren’t even different,
I felt that was a fact.
As clear as a fog-less earth...!
But people didn’t look at us
like we were the same.

I really don’t quite
fully understand it myself,
I only know that
wrapping myself around you
was the most I could do.

Quite useless I was,
and you seemed to catch on.
Said, “Today’s the day;
you don’t do me any good.”

And tried to un-fashion me.

What good am I,
to only litter the ground
with evidence?
I know how heavy feathers can be
when gathered up as one.

“Heavier than rocks.”
I know that’s what you called me.
Just a parasite
feeding off your carved-out bones-
like pumpkin shells.

Where were the seeds?

The good stuff inside?
I fought to stay with you.
“Just explain to me;
why is there not even a candle?”

We weren’t even unalike,
I felt that was a truth.
As clear as a cloud-less sky...!
But people didn’t look at us
like we were even similar.

All they told me was
it had been a car.
Said, “Today’s the last day.”
And seized me
from your life.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Got Support~?
viewgroup.php?f=336




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 940
Reviews 44
I think I like it, but I'm not sure I understand it. Obviously you do though, an despite my ignorance I like the words you have used.
:)
If I die young
bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river, at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
<3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3649
Reviews 106
Hiya, Hibiscus! You reviewed something of mine, and I thought I'd return the favour. :D
Firstly, I very much liked this. Even though the emotions were subtly shown, I could feel them coursing through this piece. It was powerful, very powerful.
I have to agree with Emalily, however - I wasn't sure what this was about. I wasn't even sure who your characters were. The two differing, confused conclusions I drew were: 1 - that your MC died in a car crash, or 2 - that this is based on something else you've written - a novel, maybe? - and is something to do with this girl being taken away from ... her mother? Her friend?
Apart from that, I enjoyed this greatly.I loved your phrasing and your usage of words: everything flowed beautifully and had some kind of eerie charm, laced with something like danger, that made me want to keep reading. I kept thinking that everything would clear up at the end, however, and then when it wasn't very clearly explained I felt a bit confused :? but perhaps that's just me.
Overall, a very good poem. I think it was just the right length, and I certainly did not find it boring. Keep writing, my friend, I sense talent!
God bless,
Ignis :pirate3:
The POTATO of DOOM

A thousand times it calls your name
A thousand times you hear it
And fools are those who heed its call
But fools are those who fear it.


The Interesting Thoughts of Edward Monkton



I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.
— Leslie Knope