Wanderlust

I wake up to find my face stained with tears. I don’t even have to look in the mirror to check if my eyes are red-rimmed and swollen, anymore. I just lick my lips, taste the familiar flavor of salt and water and I know.
Each day I go through the same routine. Wake up, lick my lips, dry my face on my sleeve and with a piece of chalk, draw another star on the ink-black wall of the dormitory in hope that one day I’ll have drawn enough stars to earn myself a wish.

Three-hundred and sixty-four. One for each day since I last saw him… And let him go.

I step back to stare at my artificial sky and wonder.

Will I ever have enough?

They always tell me that in life there are no second chances. Once you’ve made a mistake you can never undo it. You have to live with it. Even if it hurts. Even if every day you die a little inside. Even if you know you’ve suffered enough and wish you could go back in time so you could make a better decision, the right decision.

But still, I cling to the belief in miracles. To the belief that one day, God might decide to let me have my wish with a child-like obsession because I’m afraid to face the reality that maybe, because of me, Kaleb won’t ever come back.

*Oh gosh -.-" This is how my NaNo's going so far. I'm not sure which way to go. I have two different plot lines that I have to choose between. fjdslkfjldlkfs, I'm dying to edit, but I can't, or else I'll never get done ;_______;

You're a bit enthusiastic with commas in this i'll put them in brackets. It sounds good so far, keep working at it!

Angels-Symphony wrote:

I wake up to find my face stained with tears. I don’t even have to look in the mirror to check if my eyes are red-rimmed and swollen(,) anymore. I just lick my lips, taste the too-(lose the 'too' here, i think it'll sound better without it)familiar flavor of salt and water(,) and I know.
Each day(,) I go through the same routine. Wake up, lick my lips, dry my face on my sleeve, and with a piece of chalk(,) draw another star on the ink-black wall of the dormitory in hope that one day(,) I’ll have drawn enough stars to earn myself a wish.

Three-hundred and sixty-four. One for each day since I last saw him… And let him go.

I step back to stare at my artificial sky and wonder. I like this bit, nice imagery

Will I ever have enough?

They always tell me that in life(,) there are no second chances. Once you’ve made a mistake(,) you can never undo it. You have to live with it. Even if it hurts, even if every day you die a little inside, even if you know you’ve suffered enough and wish you could go back in time so you could make a better decision, the right decision.

But still(,) I cling to the belief in miracles, to the belief that one day(,) God might decide to let me have my wish, with a child-like obsession, because I’m afraid to face the reality that maybe, because of me, Kaleb won’t ever come back.

*Oh gosh -.-" This is how my NaNo's going so far. I'm not sure which way to go. I have two different plot lines that I have to choose between. fjdslkfjldlkfs, I'm dying to edit, but I can't, or else I'll never get done ;_______;

Hello there.

I think Lee corrected pretty much all the mistakes, so I won't repeat.

This is a good start. I like how it's going so far, but I want to read more! I'm a little bit confused about the guy/girl? Anyways, just here to say that I like the little bit you've posted.

Keep writing!

-Other One

@leebass
Thanks for the review ^____^ Haha, yeah, I'm not the best with punctuation evidently...

@theotherone
It probably is a bit confusing -.-" This actually isn't the beginning, it's a part of the beginning, so I understand the confusion.

I don't have much to add to the previous comments, except that I can't wait to hear the rest of it! Beautiful imagery and language, it really made me step back and take a breath. Keep it going!

Love this! I really want to read more. I think the first person who posted pretty much did cover the grammatical errors. I think you did absolutely wonderful! Please write a continuation, like maybe a background on where she is, who Kaleb is, etc. Otherwise, fantastic and I love the picture.

Your intro is wonderful. You used great diction and imagery. You set up your plot and character simply, but beautifully at the same time.
This seems like it is going to be a wonderful story. (: I can't wait for more.