...

4 posts
Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1855
Reviews 56
...
Last edited by blackbird12 on Mon Nov 01, 2010 3:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.
If I had wings, I would have opened them.
I would have risen from the ground.

-Mary Oliver




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8691
Reviews 180
I really like this. I like the emotion and the images depicted; it was sad, sweet, and a bit creepy at the same time. And do I detect a bit of sensuality too? ;) I'm not entirely sure what all is up with your capitalization, but that's a minor flaw. Great job. :)
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1312
Reviews 64
Hi the poem is very well written and I like the way it flows, don't really have anything negative to say ... keep up the good work =)




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 92255
Reviews 1748
Great poem, I loved it. I will say the capitalization is absolutely not a problem, as it was clearly done stylistically...and look at E.E. Cummings: He didn't use hardly any capitalization or punctuation at all, and look how famous the man is!

I only have two quick nitpicks:

I can count the stitches
crawling on the doll like ants, [should be "doll-like," with a hyphen, especially since the first stanza had a hyphenated word somewhere]


[/quote]button eyes gleaming
like your bruises,
it curls in my fingers, [what is it? The ragd oll as a whole? This is just a tad confusing because you were just talking about button eyes and now you go back to "it," which is presumably the rag doll, but it sounds a bit awkward]
neck tilting to the side [/quote]



Everything has to be taken on trust; truth is only that which is taken to be true. It's the currency of living. There may be nothing behind it, but it doesn't make any difference so long as it is honoured. One acts on assumptions. What do you assume?
— Player (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)