Breathe
He sat at the table, watching the rest of his family as they cleaned up after dinner, quietly, not a word spoken between all four of them. He saw his mother sneak pitying looks, and purse her lips as though she was disappointed by him, by what he had done.
‘You know the least Mike could do is wash up along with everyone.’ Trey complained, casting angry glares at his younger brother, who simply stared blankly back at him. The atmosphere tensed and their father studied the exchange in alarm, his mind reeling. He felt worthless, watching his family fall apart, and not being able to do anything about it.
Trey frowned, leaning on the dinner table, he had his game face on and was ready for a fight. He had been man of the house for two years, he didn't feel like letting it go for some mental nutcase that had just returned to infiltrate on their happiness.
Mike smiled, and rolled down the sleeves of his vintage jacket. ‘My apologies, at St Paul’s the nurses did all the cleaning up.’ He said. He grabbed the sponge off the sink, and dipped the dishes into the warm soapy water. He stared out of the window, watching his reflection scrub the dishes in circular motions. It was almost calming…almost.
***
Mike sat on his four poster bed. He had spent most of the evening ripping down his old posters, and growing more annoyed with each visit his mother made to his room. She made excuses each time; at first it was to bring down refreshments, then it was to ask if he wanted to watch the ball game even though she knew he hadn’t watched football for years. He could feel anger bubbling inside of him, but he counted 1-100, and then started to arrange his socks. He had one for every day of the week, it was his way of keeping control of the world.
‘Hey,’ Trey said, as he slid into Mike’s room for the first time in two years. He made it a point to avoid that room, it gave him nightmares. Sometimes when he walked in he could still see Mike writhing on the floor, frothing at the mouth an empty can on shaving foam lying next to him.
‘Hello.’ Mike replied in his ever formal way. ‘Did mother send you?’ He asked, as he began to colour-code his shoes.
‘Yes, mum sent me.’ Trey said, ‘Ever since they kicked you out of the nuthouse, you talk like you’re in some black and white movie. Dude, chill out. You’re scaring mum.’ Trey said, squatting as he spoke to his brother.
‘Could you please kindly exit my habitation.’ Mike said, his hands shaking, as blood fled from his face but Trey remained. 'Get out, please.' He repeated.
‘No. I came here to talk to you, to make you see sense.’ Trey said, ‘The bloody doctors said you were fine. They said that you were back to normal, but you don’t look it. You’re dressing like someone just dragged you out of Grease and it’s scaring me. It’s scaring mum, hell, even dad’s freaked.’ His hands were trembling, his eyes downcast.
‘I’m sorry that I have caused such disturbance, and terror. Now get out.’ Mike said, his shoes long forgotten.
‘Oh screw this anyway. I don’t know why I’m even talking to you. Keep up the selfish behavior Maestro.’ Trey said, pushing himself up. As he was about to leave the room, something stopped him. ‘Why?’
‘Why what?’
‘Why did you do it?’
‘Do what?’
‘You know what I’m freaking talking about, why did you try to kill yourself?’
‘Didn’t the doctors tell you, I suffer from major depression apparently, not that I believe nor understand what it means.’
‘No, really. Cut the sarcastic bullshit. Why did you try to kill yourself?’
The room went dead silent, and sounds from the TV downstairs could be heard. Mike looked at everywhere but Trey and after what seemed like an eternity, he turned to his sock. ‘Oh dear, I think I messed up the days. Friday is right next to Wednesday.’
Mike reached to close the door soon after Trey’s footsteps echoed in the hallway.
***
Mike was lain on his bed, waiting for sleep to descend upon him but he just kept waiting, and waiting. Until it was morning. As he waited, he thought about how his life had gotten so far off course, how everyone in his family despite their faults thought themselves higher than he was? He mused on this subject until his head ached. He didn’t want to think about the past two years but he found himself going back to it.
To himself and Samantha; her smile, her hair, her smell, her colour -the purple motif that seemed to follow her everywhere. He had thought her the love of his life, the center of his world, his all in all. He had never felt that way about anyone. He was going to ask her out, but he sought his brothers advice, and permisssion -the first and the last time. Trey said yes, but then again Trey always said yes. It didn’t matter what the question was, but he should have noticed the glint in Trey’s eyes when he asked.
He remembered that Monday morning, it was sports day. Himself and Trey were in the 500m, 100m, and 200m races, he had joined relay to be with her. It was a hot afternoon, he could hear the buzzing of the bees, the smell of freshly mowed grass, the cheers of his team as he gripped the baton. He had planned to lose for her, but halfway through she slumped onto the floor.
It was such a blur, next thing he knew Trey was bending over her. Trey had saved her life…not him. He had failed her. He didn’t deserve her.
Trey did. And it was all the more crushing because he had gone to the first aid class, not Trey, and he had sparked up a conversation with her. Not Trey. Trey hadn't even liked her, first time he had mentioned her, he made a haphazard joke about "Goth Chicks", chortled like a child and then threw the Rugby ball in Mike's face. But he knew, the second that she returned to consiousness that he had lost her...He just pushed the thought away, into a crevice deep in his mind.
****
Mike raised his head from the pillow, it was morning, he could hear his father pace to and fro above him. He could also hear his mother screaming at Trey, anything to wake him up. He smiled, not much had changed since he left the Garrett household.
‘Mike,’ She called, running towards him. ‘I thought you left cause I saw Trey leaving and all.’ He ran his hands through his hair nervously, and tugged at his shoelaces. Samantha had asked him to meet her after school, she had wanted to ask ‘something important’, she begged that he told no one about it.
‘So?’ He asked. He could feel himself slowly going red, maybe if she asked him first, he wouldn’t have to go through the torture of waiting for an answer.
‘Do you think maybe Trey has like a girlfriend right now?’ She said. ‘I mean, I’m not asking because I’m interested or anything because that would be kind of weird and…er…’ She blustered. Trey? What?
'There might be a slight chance, him being Trey and repulsive to girls.' He said, his heart thumping as he made a last-dash attempt at sarcasm.
'So, yes?'
‘No. But I’ll put in a good word for you okay.’ He croaked. 'Do you mean Trey, the guy who still watches Tom & Jerry, and finds bouncing a ball against the wall entertaining? That Trey?' He wanted to ask but he didn't.
‘What? I never…’
‘It’s okay, no need to be embarrassed. It’s a natural thing.’ He said, forcing down a smile as he repeated his mother’s words during the 'sex talk' another discussion he tried in as much as possible to forget.
She opened her mouth to thank him, but he had already began to talk, he mumbled something about having to go.
The next day he never arrived back at school, or the other day, or the day after that.
He dusted his clothes for school, and polished his shoes. His mother was in front of his door, with her ears firmly placed in the keyhole. He sighed and opened the door, ignoring her apologies as he strode down to the car. It was his return to school, ever since two years ago.
He pushed the doors of Ethon Grammar School, and was slightly disappointed, it was like he had never left. He pulled open his briefcase, and put the items into his locker. Next to him a girl was doing the same, only she had a schoolbag like 99.9% of the school. She looked up to find him studying her and she smiled. After that smile, he was lost. Her colour was blue -Icy Blue-.
He watched her close her locker, and swing her bag over her shoulder gracefully. Her air swung in the wind also, and filled the air with scents of Heads&Shoulders. Her smile was infectious. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt, and a pair of shorts. He was struck dumb, and he knew, he just knew that she was the one for him...
'Hi, I'm Mike and you are?'
She eyed him up and down; taking in his carefully polished shoes, his striped shirt, long dark coat, and gelled back dark hair. Let out a snort and walked away. Mike smiled and followed. A smile on his face, his head reeling with thoughts of his new love, goodbye Samantha, hello -----
The End
