The Tales of Alexandria Hamilton Chapter Five

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Who should Alexandria fall in love with?

  • A. Stephan Morgan 100%
  • B. Charlie Freeman No votes
  • C. Derek Young No votes
  • D. Chase Johnson No votes

Total votes: 2

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After getting unpacked in my new and wonderful room, I decided I needed to go into town. I needed to get my laptop fixed as soon as possible. I found Mom on the second floor’s sitting room. When you reached the top of the staircase, you see this huge window with French doors . They opened out on to a beautiful porch, which had a wonderful view of my near death. The walls were coloured a pale yellow, and the furniture were brown leather. There were a few books on the bookcase, but not much. She was sitting down, enjoying a glass of white wine, and it wasn’t even five o’clock yet.

“Mom, did Marshall go somewhere?” I asked. I hadn’t seen my cousin since the incident in the front yard.

“He and Cassie went into town. He said he wanted to look around.” He and Cassie were in cahoots about the front yard. He went to go get checked out at the hospital. I smiled a bit.

“I need to go into town.” I said.

Hoping she caught my drift, she replied, “The car keys are in the kitchen, on the hook.”

I nodded and started to walk away, but she called me back. “Alexandria, there is one catch: someone must go with you.” When I started to protest she added, “We do not know this town. I want someone with at all times when you go out. Okay?”

I knew where she was getting with this. I decided to play along. “Okay. Who do you think should come with me?” I asked.

“Well, I would pick either Charlie or Stephan, but the choice is yours. “ She said. She looked over at me and smiled.

“You know you’re just as bad as Aunt Sherri.” I went to my room, and grabbed my messenger bag, my phone, and some money, just in case I get hungry.

I knew that Stephan’s room was closer and he would probably already be ready, but there was something I
had to do before I left.

“Johnson.”

“Hey, it’s Alexandria.” I said. I smiled at the sound of his voice.

“Oh, Alexandria, I was wondering if I should call the police there in Maine. I was worried.” His voice softened. “How was the flight?”

“It would have been great, if my aunt hadn’t put me next to two boys who are completely annoying. She’s matched me up again, Johnson. I have to stay here with them, for three months. Not to mention that my mom said I can’t leave the house without someone with me. Johnson, save me. Please.” I begged him.

“Alexandria, you know I want more than anything for you to be here. They’ve stuck me with a rookie.”

“Hey, it wasn’t too long ago that you were a rookie.” I said.

“Yeah, true, so true. Anyway, you need to enjoy this vacation. By the way, did you ever get the chance to look at those photos I sent you?” His tone was more serious when he asked this question.

“No, sadly. I looked at some of them, but my stupid cousin broke my computer and now it won’t start. I’m heading into town to get it fixed as soon as I hang up the phone. Maybe you could get the number of the local police and fax me them. Serge has the number.” I suggested.

“He’s out now, but I’ll asks when he gets back. Anyway, I heard you couldn’t even go on vacation and not get into an investigation.” He chuckled.

“What can I say I like to work. Anyway I haven’t visited the station yet. Who knows there might be a serial killer on the loose.” I said.

I heard some shuffling in the background. “Hey, I’m so sorry, Alexandria, but there is so much going on here, I can’t talk for long.”

“It’s fine. I should be heading out anyways. Will you call me tomorrow?” I asked him.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll send those pictures to you somehow. Hey, I miss you.” He said quietly.

“Oh afraid that someone will hear that you have a heart? I miss you too, Johnson. Bye.” I said.

“Bye. Oh and Alexandria, don’t get yourself shot, okay?” He said good bye and hung up.
I walked down the hall. Aunt Sherri had given us room assignments, and I think she said that Stephan was room 17. I stood outside the door and waited until I heard some sound of movement in the room. I knocked on the door three hard raps.

The door swung open, and Stephan was smiling. My guess is that he looked through the peep hole. “Miss me already?” He asked.

“No. I just got off the phone with Johnson and I need to go into town.”

“Why don’t you drive yourself? You’re old enough.” He walked in to his room and I followed him.

“Trust me, I would if I could, but my mom won’t let me go unless someone goes with me.” I said. His room was almost exactly like mine. The wood flooring, the four-poster bed, the beige curtains, it was mostly beige. My room was different instead of it being beige, it was pale blue.

“So you chose me? I feel so loved.” He turned around and faced me. He had stopped so abruptly that I ran into his tall figure.

I regained my balance. “I figured you’d be more fun than Charlie. Charlie seems. . . . strange to me.” I confessed. He was odd. He didn’t talk much.

“Oh, you’re just overreacting, Alexandria. He’s fine.” He said.

“Okay whatever. Meet me out front in five minutes.” I left him in his room. I went downstairs and into the kitchen.
The kitchen was really big. It had nice granite countertops, with black cabinets. They wrapped around the walls. Its shape made it look like an L. The appliances were all stainless steel. There was an island in the middle of it, the stools were black wood. It was all very modern. I went to the fridge to get a drink. When I opened it, I found that someone had purchased some food and drinks. It was just enough to tide us over until someone could go shopping for food. I grabbed a Vitamin Water and looked at the set of keys. They had labels so we could tell them apart. I looked at my options. I could either (a) go looking like I had a bunch of kids or drove for a group in the sixteen passenger van (b) Look like a soccer mom in the minivan (c) look hip in a Prius or (d) take the Porsche. I took the keys to the Porsche and went outside. I opened up the car and put my bag in the back. I leaned against the car and waited for Stephan.

It took him five minutes longer than we planned. When he came out I was debating whether I should leave him here or wait for him. He came out with his hair drenched and new clothes on. “Who are you dressing up for?” I asked when he was in earshot.

“I would only dress up for you, Alexandria.” He replied. He was wearing khaki shorts and a polo.

“Okay, what the hell are you wearing, Morgan?” I asked. I was still leaning against the black car, when he came up to me.

“What? You don’t like it? Maybe I should go change?” He started to turn back.

“Oh no, you don’t?” I said. I caught his hand and turned him around. His hand was warm. It felt good to have something warm in my hand.

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. They were a rich chocolate brown colour. They had depth. There was a little light of warmth in his eyes. They were soft and kind. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t have a boyfriend while I was doing it. I had to focus. Boyfriends are just a distraction, right? Besides, this guy didn’t even like me. He was in college. I have just graduated. There’s no way. . . is there? While this internal argument was going on, I forgot that I had to go into town. “We should probably go if we want to make it back before dark.” I said quietly, knowing that he heard me perfectly.

I used my legs to walk to the driver’s seat, and climbed in. I started up the car. He was still standing there, looking as dumb as ever. I honked the horn. That woke him up as much as a cold bucket of water would. He jumped a little, then walked over to the side and climbed in the passenger seat.

“Buckle up.” Was all I said. I put the car into reverse and spun out of the driveway. I righted myself and stepped on the gas.

“You think you can go any faster?” He said.

I answered him by stepping harder on the gas. We ventured into town. I found a parking spot near the square. I got out of the car and looked at Stephan. “You going with me or venture off by yourself?” I asked.

He walked over to my side of the car, and replied with a question of his own, “Where are you going?”

“First the computer store so I can get my laptop fixed, then to the police station. After that I might just walk around. It all depends on what happens at the Police Station.” I out on my sunglasses and started walking. He hung back, so I shouted, “You coming or not?”

He mumbled something, and came running up beside me. “So what happened to your computer?” He asked.

“Long story.” I murmured. When we came to the first shop, I told Stephan I needed to go inside.

“I thought you said you had to go to the computer store.” He said. He was anxious for something to happen. He was thinking of asking me something.

“Ask it already?” I said.

“How did you know I was going ask you something?” When I pointed to my head, he continued, “Fine. I was wondering if you wanted to get something to eat before we go back to the house. It’s just that, I saw this little diner on the way here and wanted to try it out.” He looked over at me sheepishly.

“Are you asking me on a date?” I asked. We had this discussion on the plane before Charlie had arrived.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be considered as a date. It could be just considered as two friends going to get dinner.
Although I’d consider it as a date.” He mumbled this last part.

I smiled over at him. “You think of it however you want. I’ll go out to eat with you.” I kept smiling while I walked into the store. It was an herb store. A rush of scents overwhelmed me. My eyes started to water. I walked to the back of the store and looked for the person in charge. “Hello? Anybody here?” I turn around to look at the front of the store. Stephan was smiling like a young boy on Christmas morning. I turn back around to the counter. I was looking at an herbal lip balm, when a young lady walked in.

“Can I help you?” Her voice was soft. Her face had babyish features like she hadn’t quite grownup yet. She had long brown hair that waved down to her waist. She wore a bright red lipstick with soft coloured eyes. She wore a cotton dress I had seen in the local dress shop.

“Yes, hi, my name is Alexandria Hamilton. I’m looking for somewhere to get my laptop fixed. Do you know anywhere local I can get it fixed at?” She stepped closer to the counter.

“There’s Burt’s. He’s about a block down the street. He can help you.” I said my thank, and turned around and walked away. Before I went out the door, I turned around to ask her where the police station was, but she had already disappeared to the back room.

“What’d they say?” he asked when I went outside.

“There’s a place called Burt’s that’s a block down the street.” We started walking again. “So, what are you going to do this summer?” I asked him.

“Sit around a lot. I mean, this is such a small town in Maine, there’s not much to do here. Maybe I’ll just hang with you and Charlie all summer.”

“Well you we can hang out before and after work. I happen to have gotten a job here. Remember? I don’t know about Charlie though. You could just hang with him. Then after I get off, we can go out or something.” Not only will this plan make Stephan happy, but it’ll get me to know more about Charlie. Brilliant, I thought.

Stephan pointed to a sign that said Burt’s Electronics. The front of the store was a little weird. It had a barber pole and the barber colours, red, white, and blue. It had tile floors. Stephan leaned over and whispered, “Are we in the wrong place?”

Then I see a drop of blood on the floor. I lean down and see a trail of blood. “Stephan, this is blood.” I point to the droplets of liquid. I follow them back to the back room door. Here there is a bloody handprint. I had to think quickly for what to do. “Stephan I need to go in there.” I looked up at him. He looked at me like I was crazy.

“Alexandria, are you crazy? Somebody could be dead in there, or worse the killer is still in there.” He was whispering.

“I need to go in there. I have to find out what happened. It’s probably just a stapler accident.” But, I knew it wasn’t. I opened up my bag and grabbed one of the many pairs of gloves I keep in there. I handed my bag to Stephan. “I’m going in. I need you to call 911. Say that there is blood and a hand print in it in the electronics stores. Say that I’m in there.
Okay?” He nodded grimly. I saw him take out his cell phone. “Not in here! Are you nuts? They could here you. Go outside.” He shook his head. “It’s for your safety. Go I’ll be fine.” I pulled out my standard issued 9mm gun given to me by the police force back home. I clicked off the safety.

“Were you ever going to tell me about that?” He asked in a panicked whisper. He was freaking out because of the gun in my hand.

“Eventually.” I turned around and kicked open the door. I pointed my gun around the room making sure it was clear.
There was another door. I kicked that one open and saw a dead body. The window was open and a breeze blew in. I went over to what I assumed to be Burt. I checked his pulse. There was no rhythm. I put my ear to his mouth. He wasn’t breathing. I’d say he’s officially dead.

I heard a creak in floorboards. Someone is trying to sneak up on me. I turn around, ready to shoot, when I see its Stephan. “Don’t shoot.” He said. His hands were up in the air, like he was surrendering. I holster my gun and reply.

“Don’t sneak up on me.” I said. I turn back to the body. “Did you call the police?”

“Yeah, they’re coming.” A few minutes later I hear sirens. I walk out the door, and go into the front.
Three cop cars pull up. Out of the first car comes an elderly man. Maybe late fifties early sixties. His white hair was blowing in the wind. He wore a flannel shirt with a jacket on top of it. I know its summer, but it’s Maine, it’s still a little chilly sometimes.

He gestured for me to walk with him. When Stephan started to follow, He waved him back. I filled the man in. “So you’re the legendary Alexandria Hamilton? Thought you’d be older.” He held out his hand and introduced him as the chief of the police, Larry Stimson. I showed Larry the dead body. “Yeah, that’s definitely Burt.” He raised his radio. “Get the ME we have a dead body.” In a few minutes the whole crew was here. Forensics were taking prints, other officers were taking pictures,, and the medical examiner was checking the body. I was allowed to stay in the room while the process was done. I walked over to the ME and asked her a question.

“I’m not allowed to release information to the press.” She replied. I pulled out my badge, and showed it to her. “Ah, I was told about you. You’re like Monk.” I got this quite a lot.

“Yes, except I don’t have OCD or Sharona.” I smiled. I poised my pen, ready to right.

“Yes, we’ll talk about your gift later. Burt here seems to have suffered from suffocation.” She says.

“But there aren’t any strangulation marks on his neck. Does that mean that he was poisoned?” I wrote this down in my notebook.

“Could be. He also has a broken nose.” She said. She was writing in a clipboard, I was writing in my notebook.

“That’s where the blood was from. He must have gotten into a fight and then drank something the unsub gave him.” I wrote that down.

“Alexandria,” said the booming voice of the chief, “I need you to do your thing.”
I turn around and tell him what I need. “I need everyone out. Only a few people can stay, but they must stay still. I can’t be distracted.” I walk to the front of the store. I turn around and wait until he got everyone out or standing still. There was a young man, maybe Johnson’s age. He wore jeans and a plain t-shirt. He also wore a badge, which is why I didn’t complain.

I took a deep breath then concentrated on my surroundings. I stood at were the unsub came in. There’s no sign of forced entry. I looked at the floor. “Chief see these? This is where our victim was hit in the nose. He got into a fight with the unsub. He was hit and fell down. He got back up and went to the back of the store.” I followed the trail, to the counter. “But he didn’t go back until he took care of something at the counter. This is where he drank his death.” I saw the look of doubt on the young cop’s face. “I’ll bet you ice cream that whatever the poison was drank out of was in this trash can.” He nodded which I took as an agreement. I held the trash can up, and with gloves on rummaged through it. Sure enough there was a water bottle in there. I held it up in victory. “I don’t forget easily.” He smiled and I smiled back.

“I won’t forget.” He wrote down in his notepad. “Bag it.” He said to a chubby man. I gave him the trash can and in return he gave me a scared look. It happens from time to time.

“Then he went into the back room, where the poison immediately kicked in. He stumbled though, here.” I bent down and pointed to a point of where one of the floorboards lipped up. Which is why he ended up like he did: face down with a pool of blood coming from his nose. The unsub escaped through the window.” I stood back and watched their faces. Chief’s face looked like he was hard in thought. The young cop’s face held amazement in it. I watched their faces evolve from doubt to amazement to every other emotion.

“Alexandria,” said Larry, “that is one hell of a gift you have.”

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.” I murmured. I felt dizzy. I went out the back door. “Damn,” I said. I kicked the grass and then kept my gaze to the ground. I was never good with finding dead people. Then, discovering how they went. I took deep breaths. In and out, in and out, I told myself. I needed to calm myself down. Usually I had Johnson here. All I needed was someone to tell me something soothing like “Its gonna be alright.” I turned around to see the young cop.
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -Lucille Ball




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Finally, a crime scene investigation! I decided to take my keyboard off caps lock for once. Is the young cop Derek Young? Because I don't remember another character name Derek. I just can't wait for the next chapter! YESH! OOPS MY CAPS LOCK IS BACK ON, SORRY. BUT KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day




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Hey CharlotteGrace :)

I'll start with the unpleasant things first,

The walls were colored a pale yellow, and the furniture were made of brown leather.

'Colored' was misspelled and it should be 'were made of brown leather'.

Hoping she caught my drift, she replied, “The car keys are in the kitchen, on the hook.”

Her mom was hoping she caught her drift while replying? I think you meant Alexandria so it's better if you put that first part after this:
“I need to go into town.” I said.


“We do not know this town. I want someone with you at all times when you go out. Okay?”

You're just missing a 'you' in there.

“Well, I would pick either Charlie or Stephan, but the choice is yours. “ She said. She looked over at me and smiled.

“You know you’re just as bad as Aunt Sherri,” I went to my room, and grabbed my messenger bag, my phone, and some money, just in case I got hungry

Okay here, there's this verb that is in disagreement with the rest of the sentence, which is all in past tense. It's not that big of a deal, everyone does it without realizing it but it's not really accepted to switch verbs tenses like this. Just be sure to go over your writings before you post them to make sure all of it is in past if you start from past, or get someone to take a look at it for you, because they are very hard to spot in your own work sometimes. This, below, is another example. You're switching too much from present to past, from past to present again in there...

I heard a creak in floorboards. Someone is trying to sneak up on me. I turn around, ready to shoot, when I see its Stephan. “Don’t shoot,” He said. His hands were up in the air, like he was surrendering. I holster my gun and reply.

“Don’t sneak up on me,” I said. I turn back to the body, “did you call the police?”

“Yeah, they’re coming,” A few minutes later I hear sirens. I walk out the door, and go into the front.
Three cop cars pull up. Out of the first car comes an elderly man. Maybe late fifties early sixties. His white hair was blowing in the wind. He wore a flannel shirt with a jacket on top of it. I know its summer, but it’s Maine, it’s still a little chilly sometimes.

Now, I also see that you put a period after your dialogue. After your last word, before the quotation marks, there should always be a coma, if you add something that goes with it such as 'she said' or 'with that I...' if it's not already ended with an exclamation or quotation mark or if your next sentence is independent from the dialogue (but even then, it would be better to make a new line with it).

“He’s out now, but I’ll asks when he gets back. Anyway, I heard you couldn’t even go on vacation and not get into an investigation.” He chuckled

There's just an extra 's' here, some little typo.

His room was almost exactly like mine. There was the same wood flooring, the four-poster bed and the beige curtains. It was mostly beige, but instead, mine My room was differentinstead of it being beige, it was pale blue.

By saying 'almost exactly' and then using 'different', you're contradicting yourself. My suggestions are in green.

I had just graduated.

Another verb tense change here...

“Hello? Anybody here?” I turned around to look at the front of the store.

And here again... I'll leave the rest for you to correct :)

I used my legs to walk to the driver’s seat, and climbed in.

Can you walk without your legs?

“Can I help you?” Her voice was soft. Her face had babyish features like she hadn’t quite grown up yet.

Grown up here is the verb growing up so you can separate the two.

She wore a bright red lipstick with soft colored eyes. She wore a cotton dress I had seen in the local dress shop.

She wore this and that, so you can put it all in one sentence instead of two different one and repeating yourself.

“Not in here! Are you nuts? They could hear you. Go outside.”

I believe 'here' should be written like 'hear'.

Oof, alright, that's it for the mistakes :)
Overall, I think the story line is coming along great! You're developing your characters well --gee that girl is one special kind eh?-- and you're descriptions are pretty good. It was the first murder scene and it's pretty good :)

The only thing I recommend is that you review and/or have someone review your work before posting it (I volunteer if you want :)) just to fix these little things.

Keep writing this!

-Truth-
.- <3 -.




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Okay. Thanks for the great feedback. I will definitly consider it in my next chapter. The way I spell things is very old english. I was raised by a history professor at a university in the USA and a historical literature teacher currently working on restoring a colonial town in Virginia USA. My parents always thought to understand the future you must first understand the past. And that's exactly what I did.
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -Lucille Ball



“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu