Loves Mysterious Ways Pt. II

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The next morning, I awoke to Aimee jumping on my bed. I checked my alarm clock.
“Come on, Aimee, it’s only ten a.m.”
“You don’t think I know that?” She asked while raising an eyebrow.
“Does all this energy have something to do with your one night stand last night? You’re absolutely glowing.”
“Yes. It was ah-mazing," she said in a somewhat bragging tone.
“Well, I’m glad for you," I responded, trying to sound genuinely happy for her. I was Catholic, so I was restrained from being so... out there with guys, not caring about having meaningless one night stands like Aimee did.
“Well, what happened after I left?” She asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“I broke up with D.J.”
“Finally!” She exclaimed.
“I know. And one other thing happened after I broke up with D.J.”
“What?”
“Joe asked me to dance.”
“Joe Hawley?”
The Joe Hawley.”
“Did he ask you out?” I nodded. “Oh my gosh. What time?”
“Seven.”
“You have got to let me do your makeup.”
“No. I can do it myself. You did my makeup yesterday.”
“Fine, but if I don’t like it, I’m changing it.”
“Fine.”
“Oh my gosh, I’m so happy for you,” she said while hugging me, then hopping out of the room.
***********************************************************************************************
At seven, I was ready. I wore an emerald green, knee length strapless dress. I also wore three-inch tall beige high heels. My hair was curled and my makeup consisted of fishtail eyeliner and nude lipstick.
“Annabelle, are you ready?” Aimee called from outside the bathroom door.
“Yep.” Aimee whipped open the door.
“Oh my gosh. You look fabulous.”
“Thanks. I thought you would hate it."
"Why would I?"
"You are so... picky and opinionated when it comes to makeup and food."
"Not today, you did really good."
"Thanks," I said while hugging her, then wiping my hands on my dress.
"Are you nervous?" She asked concerned.
"Very. It's been forever since I've been on a date with Joe."
"Don't be. I'm sure it'll be fine."
“It’s time,” she said while grabbing my wrist and dragging me downstairs. Aimee opened the door for me. Joe looked more handsome than ever in an emerald green silk button down, black blazer, and dark jeans. He held a single tiger lily. I got lost in his beautiful hazel eyes.
“You look beautiful,” he said as I stepped onto the porch.
“Thank you. You don’t look to bad yourself,” I said while blushing and taking the flower.
“Have fun you two,” Aimee said as we walked towards Joe’s black BMW.
“We will,” I answered.
******************************************************************************************************
4 months later…
Joe and I were getting along great. The first date went great. We went to Zingerman's Deli, followed by a walk downtown. Many of the following dates were completely fun and crazy ideas, like going rock climbing and go-karting. The only problem I had living with Joe was that he was in a band; he wasn't home half the time. It left me worried and twice as possessive. During tours, I would think he was flirting with the merch girls. He would come home, I would be pacing, and we would start arguing, but it eventually got smoothed out after some convincing.
I was starting to get worried about Aimee, though. She told me she would wake up with nausea and would spend forever in the bathroom, hugging herself to the toilet. Aside from that, she was also wearing baggier clothing, which scared me a bit. I was able to convince her to go see a doctor.
The day after Christmas, I got a text from Aimee.
Hey, so I got the news from my doctor.
What’d he say?
As it turns out, I’m pregnant. My heart stopped.
Are you joking me?
I’m being very serious right now. It all started to make sense. The nausea was morning sickness and she was wearing baggier clothing because of weight gain.
But how?
I've been thinking about it, and I was thinking it was slutty wedding sex guy. I did the math and realized it was plausible.
Are you sure it's not someone else?
Positive. I didn't sleep with anyone else.
Well, do you want me to come over? A lot of my stuff is still over at your house.
Sure.
I’ll text Joe and be on my way.
Okay. I texted Joe the news and he responded almost immediately saying congrats and that he loved me.
I made it in record time to her house, getting there within ten minutes.
Without even thinking, I pulled out my spare key and unlocked the door, barging into the house without an introduction.
“Aimee?” I called. I continued calling her name, wandering around the house. She was nowhere to be found. Then I remembered where she used to go to think. There was a dock in her backyard that she hung out at when her father died.
And that’s where I found her. She was hunched over, papers in one hand, the other on her stomach, and her wavy bronze hair was up in a ponytail. I walked to the end of the dock, sat down next to her, and pulled her into a hug. She was crying. The bump on her stomach was more noticeable.
“I don’t know what to do, Annabelle. I never really thought about having kids.”
“I know what I would do. I would keep it, husband or not. I would love the child with all my heart. And besides, I think you would be a great mom.”
“You really think so?”
“You know how bad I am at lying.”
“True.”
“So when’s your appointment to find out what gender it is?”
“Tomorrow. Come with me?”
“Absolutely.” She hugged me, more tears escaping. We eventually made our way back to the house. I texted Joe saying I was spending the night at Aimee’s house and I would tell him the news the next day along with the rest of the family.
Last edited by AlphaGirl01 on Sun Oct 31, 2010 2:36 am, edited 7 times in total.
Sometimes two people fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.




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Okay., well, that was a very choppy time skip.
What happened during those months! Annabelle and Joe just can't be that perfect couple They must have fought or something. And as to Amiee being pregnant, at least it's not your MC, but it still seems kind of Random. How does she know it's the guy from the wedding? Has she slept with more people? Keep asking yourself little questions like that, it'll make your writing seem more real, and make more sense.

~WickedWonder
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




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Hey!

I haven't read part one, but I'll just give a crit on this, 'kay?

Now, the first chunk is dialogue with no dialogue tags, no description, no emotions. Come on, show us something more. Like how does Joe look, or who is he. (If you did introduce in first chap, forget I said this.)
Second chunk : There's bland description. You should 'show' instead of 'tell.' (Check here for info : topic41426.html) And dialogue should assist the character development. I have no feel of char development and that you aren't connected enough to the MC.
Third chunk : Woah, time gap. As wicked said, they can't be happy and lovey always. They have tiffs, and differences. It's all this that makes someone unique. Work on description and making it more realistic.

~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.





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Hello there, it's me again. :)

Apart from that, Aimee was starting to make me worried.
I was starting to get worried about her, though.
She told me she would wake up with nausea and she would spend forever in the bathroom, hugging herself to the toilet. Aside from that, she was also wearing baggier clothing, which scared me a bit. I was able to convince her to go see a doctor.

These two sentences are the same, and one after the other... You might want to get rid of one.

Are you sure you it's not someone else?

There's a "you" that shouldn't be here.

She was hunched over, papers in one hand, the other on her stomach, and her wavy bronze hair was up in a ponytail.


The baby bump was more noticeable.

Somehow this sounds a little bit weird... I think it would be better if you just said the bump on her stomach, rather than the "baby bump".

Overall: This is great, but is there another part? You seem to be skipping parts and details a lot, and I would love to here what happened between those four mouths... Or at least her first date with Joe. I hope there's a third part, because if there isn't, I'm not sure what is the end...
The rest was good, and I'm looking foreward to read more, assuming there is more, that is.

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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