Letters To Cody - 1

Letters To Cody

Dear Cody,

How's it going? Are you liking the new place? I bet it's great. Everyone talks about it like it is.

Snowy bit me today and it really hurt, even had some blood dripping. She's a tiny kitten, I know, but her teeth are so damn sharp! Anyways, I put a Buzz Lightyear Band-Aid on the bite before we left for the church-ceremony-thingy. Mom forced me to wear this respectable (and hideous, might I mention) black dress instead of that pink tank top you liked: I looked like a total nun! You would've laughed.

It was a royal pain to go 'cause you know very well I don't like public things – especially when religion's involved. Remember that old lady down the block that forced us into church when we were five? We were late so everyone turned to stare at us! I blame her. I'm traumatized.

Well, Preacher Adams was nice at least. Grandma says he's too young to have any real knowledge inside that blonde head of his. But he smiled at me, and not in the patronizing-too-understanding-annoying way adults usually do, just in this it-sucks-but-I'm-sure-you'll-be-fine totally nice way. So I give him the thumbs up.

Everyone stared at me in my nun outfit. I'm sure I'd gone tomato red. But hey, I look hot in anything, (your words, I'm quoting!) right? Except in woolen hats. They make my hair puffy.

We all lit candles and their light felt like it warmed the room, like it actually reached the tips of my fingers. A bunch of people I don't know put their arms on each other's shoulders and started swaying to the rhythm of the prayer and I went along. It truly felt nice.

It felt real long too, so I kind of slipped out near the end. Sorry. I made my way towards the bushes (best place to hide) when I heard someone whimper. I moved this branch and saw that odious Rebecca Green bawling her eyes out.
Okay, you've got to remember Rebecca. She had like half the school running after her and she's a gorgeous blonde with a – let's just call it a well built body, 'kay? And while having the entire boy population under her hateful grip, she aimed at the one guy that did not seem to notice her. Yes, Cody, it was you. Which is out right hateful since you and I were together since forever.

She's always had a thing for you, you know, and I am so not cool with someone trying to steal my boyfriend. But she was crying so I did the nice thing and leaned down. "Need a hand?" I asked as I offered her mine.

Rebecca's blue eyes (they are so wide and big and innocent looking, I've never noticed before) trailed from my hand to my face. It felt weird to watch. Then she took my hand and pulled herself up. Surprisingly, she was heavy. Or maybe I'm just weak. She dropped my hand immediately, muttered a 'thanks' and stalked off to join the crowd.

I told you she's terrible.

After that lovely encounter with the charming Rebecca I didn't feel like being alone anymore so I looked for Melanie, but when I spotted her she was wrapped up in Jason's arms and crying really hard so I didn't want to interrupt. So I waited patiently in the car 'till the ceremony was over and Mom came. I sat in the old rusty thing and thought about how much you wanted to get a driver's license. Too bad you couldn't wait just a bit longer, you idiot.

You haven't been gone a day and I already miss you so much!!! I think you would've liked the ceremony thingy. We were all there for each other. You would've loved that.

Too bad it was a closed casket ceremony, Codes; I really wanted to see your face again.

Hi!

I like this, I think it has loads of potential!

It seemed like you used the word "it" a lot. Instead of using "it", tell us what "it" is! Just a suggestion. Also, if it's a letter, then a signature?

Also, who is the main character? I know that would be really hard to do when writing a letter, but maybe mentioning little things in the letter to Cody that would give us hints about the characters and things like that.

I don't have much to say, but this is cool! Can't wait to read more!

- Teardrop

Hello Ofir!
It's been a while since I've reviewed, pardon my rustiness.

I'll start with some little things I noticed.

Except in woolen hats; they make my hair puffy

A semi-colen here would be better since it's the same idea, your just completing it.

So I gave him the thumbs up.

It seems the whole thing should be past because it's a letter and she's remembering her day but here, you're jumping to present...

A bunch of people I didn't know put their arms on each other's shoulders and started swaying to the rhythm of the prayer and I went along.

Same here.

I moved a branch and saw that odious Rebecca Green bawling her eyes out

You are talking about 'this' branch but we don't know which one you are talking about, 'a' would probably work better here.

She's always had a thing for you, you know, and I am so not cool with someone trying to steal my boyfriend. But she was crying so I did the nice thing and leaned down.
"Need a hand?" I asked as I offered her mine. Dialogue should be a new line because it's a new idea... though some writers choose to ignore this, it's just a suggestion

It's not 'she is' so there is no need for the 's'

That's it

Overall, I thought it was very interresting. At first I was thinking that she was saying weird things for a letter, things she didn't really need to mention or that seemed off-subject but then I realized he was dead... It's a great idea, almost like a journal but for somebody who's gone I cannot really say anything about the plot yet, since this is only a beginning but I'm looking forward for more.

The only thing I would say felt weird for me was the tone. You got the age right, the vocabulary and the way she talks is great, it gives us an age group without saying it but, if her boyfriend is dead, wouldn't she be more sad? She talks like he's still there, making jokes about his death and all. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable about his death circumstance. Was the death expected? Were Cody and the girl close?
Can't wait to get the answers to my questions!

Keep writing!
-Truth-

I liked this, you gave an overall view of the characters. Kinda. My questions are:
What does she look like?
What is her name?
What does Cody look like?
How old are they?
Where did Cody go?
Did he move?
Did he go on vacation?
Is Cody dead?
Were they best friends?
Did he die unexpectedly? Or was it expected?
Why does she write him letters if he's dead? (To me that's a little on the creepy side)
That's all, overall I liked it. Can't wait to read more!

~Cassie~

Thank you, guys for all your help! I really appreciate it. Letters To Codie is really, really important to me.

Teardrop - first off, thanks for the review I was trying to make it "letter-like" as possible so I used 'it' a lot. I'll work hard on fixing the problem, though! Oh, and the no signature thing is on purpose.

TheTruth - Thanks for helping me out There are a few things, like the present tense that I slip in to that I do on purpose. She's "telling" Cody, I give him the thumbs up, so I thought it was appropriate.

Cassie - (sorry I'm repetitive, but I really do appreciate this!) thank you!If you want to know what she looks like and everything, just stick around ^ ^. I thought I made it obvious that Codey died... I mentioned he did in the last line - is it not clear?

As for how come she's so unaware that he's dead, well, that will all be explained in the next chapters. I really hope you guys stick around to see it!
I am really, really happy about your reviews. Thank you so much!
Ofir

Ofir!
I had to say, usually i dont like the diary type styled writing. But i really liked this. I know everyone always says 'work on your grammer, work on your spelling' but i believe that when you first start writing, its crap! But yours was pretty good. It was kinda sad, I expected Cody to be like... mia or maybe he was away on vacation or something. But dead! so so so sad. I am looking forward to seeing more. Maybe learn a wee bit more about the main character. But you know what take it in strides. People who write the mains characters whole like in one chapter kinda tick me off. It's a journey right?
Good job! <3