Canopy

The lights are lucid today. Under the canopy, the lights are nice, today. I don’t believe they were the days I’ve lived before today. Mama rasps me up and down.

She tells me the canopy isn’t there.

And the lights strangle me down under. To wherever under us is.

Fingers of creases dug into fluttery flesh hold me by the arm. Canopy is between us though, her hands and my arm. I watch her fear, seeming through her skin. But I don’t feel it; it’s frigidness is outside my canopy.

She screams and kills me soon. Telling me there is no canopy. But I will not live without my canopy. It cannot be removed.

Lights will be nice again, tomorrow.

That was confusing.
I know that that is flash fiction, but maybe you could describe whats actually happening, and add some emotion.
Right now, it's just some words strung together, and I can't get a good feel of anything going on. Slow way down, describe. I want know know what it feels like for your MC, I want to have a clear understanding whats going on.

~WickedWonder

I agree with wickedwonder
This was too short for a good fiction piece w/substance
If you added on, I am sure that it will be amazing!

Hello there.

I have to agree with WickedWonder and Zekkie876... This is confusing. I didn't really get it.

The lights are lucid today. Under the canopy, the lights are nice, today. I don’t believe they were the days I’ve lived before today. Mama rasps me up and down.This sentence comes out of nowhere. What does it have to do with the Canopy? Explain it to us. This is the third time you wrote Today in three sentences... Maybe use some other word, because this is contributing to the confusion.

She tells me the canopy isn’t there.

And the lights strangle me down under. To wherever under us is.

Fingers of creases dug into fluttery flesh .This is not necessary, I think. hold me by the arm. The Canopy is between us though. Between her hands and my arm. I watch her fear, seeming through her skin. But I don’t feel it; it’s frigidness is outside my canopy.

She screams and kills me soon. Telling me there is no canopy. But I will not live without my canopy. It cannot be removed.

Lights will be nice again, tomorrow.

Okay. So, I think it kind of makes sense now that I've read it a second time. But I still think you should add more. More about what's happening. Who's the person that is talking? Who's his/her mom? Is he/she insane? Or does she/he think they are fine? You see what I mean... So many questions left unanswered... Anyways, I would recommend you read it over, and make sure they are answers that are answered.

Keep writing!

-Other One

Okay, it doesn’t make much sense. No problem, I can still correct your grammar.

Under the canopy, the lights are nice, today.

You don’t need the comma between ‘nice’ and ‘today’.

I don’t believe they were the days I’ve lived before today.

You change verb tenses here. In your first sentence, you said ‘are’. In this one, you use ‘were’. Also, I think it would flow better if you cut the ‘the’. It should be, “I don’t believe they are days I’ve lived before today.”

Fingers of creases dug into fluttery flesh hold me by the arm.

When reading, it sounds as though the ‘Fingers’ are made of ‘creases’. This is, however, not true. ‘Fingers’ are made of ‘creases dug into fluttery flesh’. The way you word it, though, makes it sound as though the crease-Fingers are dug into fluttery flesh. It’s all in the way you word it. Change!

I watch her fear, seeming through her skin.

‘Seeming’ is not a verb. I think you mean ‘seeping’.

But I don’t feel it; it’s frigidness is outside my canopy.

“It’s” with an apostrophe between the ‘it’ and ‘s’ means ‘it is’. You want the other kind, ‘its’. When you want ‘its’ to be possessive, don’t put an apostrophe after the s (its’) since that’s just redundant. Just leave it as a normal ‘its’.

She screams and kills me soon.

You switched to this right after describing the ‘Canopy’, and since the ‘Canopy’ is the nice thing, I think you’re referring to the MC’s mother (who is, I believe, currently rasping him up and down). This shift in pronouns is confusing, and you need to refer to the mother again to verify it.

Canopy is a word you use rather fluidly. In some places, you refer to it as a person, and capitalize it. But in the sentence, ‘Telling me there is no canopy,’ you refer to it as as a lowercase ‘canopy’. Be consistent.

Keep writing!
Jenth

Im sorry but i didn't get it.
I mean you have a way with your words, I just was... confussed. I didn't reallyget what was going on or what the point was.
Dont give up!