I gave you my heart

Hey everyone, this work is Art/Poetry, also the colors might be a little weird sorry about that the scanner is weird, I hope you enjoy.

um no offence, but that seriously sounds like something a ten year old wrote.
is it meant to be like that? is it meant to be funny? or are you just really bad at poetry?
also it doesn't look like you put much effort into the pictures but i guess that would be ok if it was meant to be like a cartoon and if the poem was any good.
sorry to be so harsh.
ps it's "slack" not "slake"

Honestly...your poem wasn't the best. The whole moral of the story is good, you just need to find a better set of words. Because it does sound like ten year old did the poem. Other than that, good poem.

O.K. I am really bad at drawing, but I am going to try to help you with it and the poem. I will go picture by picture then do an overall.

1. The guys hands are great, but the girls hand need some work and they only have four fingers each. The dudes shoes are different sizes and it kind of looks like he is standing with them straight out to the sides. The girls arm that is farthest away from us looks very wide compared to the other one. For some reason I also feel that instead of their eyes being focused 'on us' they should be looking at each other. Also, I think you should add some detail to the girls knees or else it looks like they aren't there.

2. In this photo you also need to work on the girls hands. The girls torso looks too long and her skirt came down closer to her knees in the first photo. Her leg would be going straight back not to the side. Her left arm looks much skinner than her right one. I think the boy should be doing something with his hands and I don't really see his facial expression. Yes his mouth is frowning, but his eyes just seem... blank. Maybe he should looking at her or at the ground. Also, in this photo his arms are very short compared to the last one. His legs are too small compared to the torso and his pants need to split father up. Right now it looks like he wouldn't be able to walk. You also need to fill his shirt in with more color, and the dude should be bigger than the girl so that we can have some depth perception.

3. The girls right arm is awkward and you need to work on it, thin it out, give more detail to her hand. Her other arm also needs some work. You can see her eye under her hair. Her hair also looks very un-neat and un-even compared to the first photo. The first thing, the clown doesn't have a neck and even if the shirt was a turtle neck it would be way to thick. His arms are un-even and they seem (instead of just being connected to them) to go into them. Take a closer look. His pants are also attached weirdly. Again, his feet look like he is sticking them straight out to the sides. I love his hair. But, he needs a bit more red on the one side of the mouth.

O.K. from this you should get what you need to pay attention to, the details. You need to make sure that they look human. I mean the feet I mentioned. A person wouldn't actually do that so you shouldn't. From picture to picture they have to look the same. No differences. This is hard, but very important. Shading would do millions for these photos as well. I want something in the background. Now it is just white, plain.

As for the poem, it is a bit lacking. Especially the ending. Snot? Your rhymes seem very forced and seem to be leading the whole entire story. Here is a good place to find rhymes. Your handwriting also got worse and worse as you went on. I also noticed that with the pictures like you just wanted to be done and brushed past everything without standing back to look. But, I have to go. I would make it longer, sorry.

A. S.

No Offence to all the people who have reviewed my work i see where your coming from but did you ever think its meant to be like that, a little childish, it took me at least a couple of weeks to write and draw this, and I don’t think your being fair ,maybe that’s just how i draw and im not trying to be mean but not everything has to b perfect, I think your taking this a little to seriously, I put alto of work and effort into this (sure I could have done better) BUT I WAS JUST SO EXITED ABOUT PUTTING IT UP ON YWS. Again that’s for the reviews and i’ll try and sound NOT like a ten year old and try and get things more precise to make you happy.

Hey, CaptainRandom. First, why was there another empty thread in the art forum? If you don't know, you could have just edited the post to put the pictures. Well, everything's done anyway, on with your work.

This is quite hilarious (hey, but in a good way). Was it meant it to be funny? 'Cause I was laughing. Poor girl. But I'll have to agree with the reviewers above, a good set of words could have added a kick in your story.

Now on with your artworks, I'll have to say that it is too obvious that you're not for this kind of "thing". You'll just have to go back with poetry. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, but--when people have talent for arts, they draw like this when they were nine. =| The drawing were too flat. =P Sorry for being harsh. I'll still try to help you with your artworks if you really want to learn, anyway. Here it goes.:

1. The heart is hilarious!!!! HAha! Good job with that. I was like, wow! It's a real heart LOL. You also did a good job with the hands regarding the fact that you were kind of doodling.

2. Hehe. No comment.

3. "Treated me like a clown."

4. Before the "it's over", try to put a punctuation there so not to confuse readers (just realized I was reviewing your poem not the works...sarreh, couldn't resist. HAHA)

5. I will yawn? Okay, you're funneh, man...Anyway, look at the holding hands. LOL they look like they're just spread wide and on top of each other. The best way to learn to draw is to look at the real things, like, if you wanna draw holding hands, you'll just have to hold your hands and use your head on how it should look like. That was confusing. Sarreh. XD

6. No comment again.

7. SNOT??? Weird. XD

This kept me laughing all the way. =)) I find this cute. XD

Hey jashbagabaldo this poem was what ever you wanted it to be

Hey CaptianRandom!

I understand if you want to slap me for what I'm about to say but it's the honest truth; at the risk of sounding harsh - it was a bit too childish for a person of you age. Now I have seen some of your other work and they're great but you really let down your audience when you posted this. This Art/Poem doesn't really work.

The issues I had with this were:
1) The guy actually took out his heart! That's a bit strange; shouldn't he be six feet under by now?

2) The characters' arms didn't have elbows but were one continuous length of bone that might have been made of rubber (they arched rather than bended)

3) Poems aren't exactly supposed to rhyme all the time so don't panic if it doesn't; that's why the snot was really weird and ruined it a bit.

Well look, that's all I can say.


MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.

No offence, but you're fifteen and this looks like it was drawn by someone younger. You have a good idea for a comic, but reshape the people, give them shorter arms and longer legs, make them look real. Make there faces less round. The poem was ok, but not very good, sometimes i couldn't understand who's perspective it was.

Hi CaptianRandom,


There is really not much to review here because Calligraphy, RepublicOfCoter and jashbagabaldo pretty much summed everything up. But I would like to let you know what I think of your piece.

What I would like to say is that while your pictures/ poem has its flaws it is quite imaginative. Having said that, I think the biggest flaw in this piece is its viewers understanding.

I really don't understand this- and I don't think anyone else did either. I do understand the poem and although that needs work it wasn’t too bad. However that’s not the biggest issue! The issue is 'who is this poem for'? By the look of your drawings it is obviously an anime genre. Some of the other reviewers mentioned that this is quite childish. I agree so is it aimed for children? If it is that's fine but it is awfully sinister. Taking out his heart.... Children should not be exposed to that, jealously, selfishness, ghosts. It’s very dark in a light sort of way and children need happy stories with conflict, adventure and resolutions. This means your story is NOT made for children so who is it made for?? You said to jashbagabaldo "this poem was what ever you wanted it to be" but the whole concepts have really made it quite limited.

I think next time you draw, really, think about WHAT your drawing, WHO would view at your pictures and WHY they would like it. If you want to have so much dark, deep and sinister meanings and morals to it, try and aim it for an older audience and make the pictures more realistic.

Lastly, I think you have a great imagination- please keep drawing... I think your style of drawings limits you to anime/ children’s genre so maybe stick to that because it seems to be your forte. (Some people are better and drawing realistically and others are better at drawing cartoons). And IF you do this, PLEASE make it appropriate for children.

So sorry if I was harsh. You can do what you want with our not just my advice but everyone who reviewed this piece of work...


Thanx
watchmeburn

I think this was funny. It made me laygh and I really needed that. I love how the dude actually took out his heart! Thats so awesome! (though sort of gorey as well. Then again, I like gorey!) Thanks for making me laugh, and cudos to you for at least trying to draw and write a poem.......

AND HAVING THE COURAGE TO POST IT HERE ON YWS.

I know this wasen't a painting,a pitcure of a garden or anything but....it was interesting in a way but i don't recomend you
put more of that sort of pictures...don't get me rong I enjoy looking at your art portfolio!! regards lightningbolt

Hey there!

Well, I was excited to review some art/poetry, but then I guess I was let down.

The first picture was very similar to something I'd seen on google images:
http://www.silentdark.net/Images/Emo_Gr ... -heart.jpg
so that took away the shock of it.

I'm now going to review the drawings, then the poetry.

The drawings were okay, I guess. But you could do an awful lot better. Tone? Shading? Texture? Try to think about these things. Even in comic strips, there are some cross hatching toning going on. Think about light-where's it coming from? Then think about forming shadows on the people. If cartoonism is your style, have a look on google for some good cartoonists, and see how they form their images (I'm more of a realist drawer). If you want them to look realistic, youtube has a lot of tutorials, plus just printing off a picture from the internet and trying to copy it accurately may help you learn how to draw realistically, then you can delve into your own ideas.
What colouring pencils are you using? Good old crayola work everytime for most people, myself included. What surface are you leaning on? I see some marks coming through on the people... try to work on a surface which wont ruin your work.
Also, a background would come a long way. It would add extra colour, and stop your images from looking a little rushed.
Also, if you were to repeat this again, how about doing it as a comic strip? I feel that it would flow better rather than a series of images with some writing.
Talking of writing, your writing isn't exactly neat. Typing onto these pages would have looked more professional and would have been much easier to read.

Now for how the poem - art integrates with each other.
It's all a little too obvious. He gave her his heart? Okay... howabout them holding each other in a romantic embrace? Or a kiss? Not a literal 'hey girlll, here's my heart'. Nothing flows here. "I let my guard down and you treat me like a clown". Okay maybe again, not as literal as an actual clown? You get the idea.

The poem

Firstly, I had to write the poem down in order to review it. Not... good.

Okay...
General errors:
- slack (slake)
- jealousy (Jealousy)
- we're (were)

This poem is very childish and forced. There is no sense of rhythm. It changes from 5 beats in a line to 11 at one point. There is no use of alliteration etc. If you want to delve into feelings, you could have written something much deeper.

This has not been a pleasant review for me. I've felt a couple times that I wanted to just forget about it. It was difficult to review, due to the fact you hadn't wrote the poem down as text, and the fact your images needed looked at too.

I realise this review is incredibly harsh, but I guess I felt the need to be honest. Sorry for any offense you may have got from it

Hiya, Captain Random!
Now, your previous reviewers were harsh, and unfortunately, I see where they were coming from (I do agree with a lot of the things they've said), but I believe that every piece of work deserves some praise. Praise makes you feel good. And while criticism is very good, a review made of ALL criticism is not good.
I clicked on this and the first thing I saw was a guy ripping out his heart. Okay, this style is cute and child-orientated, and I guess it sort of surprised me to see the macabre side of it. I dunno - a good idea for symbolism, but I didn't think it really suited the happy-go-lucky style.
I thought the poem was cute but not very original ... and sometimes, especially later on, it seemed as though you were trying to force more syllables into one line than would fit easily, and sometimes you added words for the sake of the rhyme scheme that didn't really fit. 'Snot' at the end sounded weird ... slightly weak and babyish. I am not trying to offend you, even though I know you won't believe me. I just don't approve of lying.
Do not let criticism - mine or others' - get you down. I personally think that it is wonderful that you posted this, it shows that you are keen to get feedback. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT TO WANT FEEDBACK. Feedback is for building up skills, not hacking at someone's ego, and encouragement is what every aspiring artist needs. So, I am going to give you - ENCOURAGEMENT!!!
Don't give up on your artwork. I know that this is cliche, but practice really DOES make perfect, even if you think it isn't working. It won't work if you let yourself take the negative view. Just don't give up - persist, learn from mistakes and from feedback and you will improve.
Thank you for sharing this with us, it's been a pleasure reviewing you.
God bless, and keep drawing,
Ignis