Mist (redone)

i took the review into consideration for the other mist poem and re-wrote it.
~pointe

Mist
The Mist clings to the tops of mountains like crowns

The Mist hovers over the sea like a mother duck watching her ducklings

The Mist is the aftermath of a rain pour and cleanses the earth with tiny water droplets.

What would we do with out the mist?
It means mystery and Adventure and is the meaning of all that we long for.
Mist.

Hi,

Congratulations! I think it's better than the old one.

Looking forward to reading more from you!

Smiles,
Alexxa

Wow, that's really beautiful. I like how you use a very free form feel to it, and not just blunt poetic sentences. The one thing is without is misspelled. But I love it!

pointe2drama wrote:The Mist is the aftermath of a rain pour (I don't know I just think you could use a more descriptive word for the rain like down pour. Rain pour just sounds odd. Give us a better picture.) and cleanses the earth with tiny water droplets.

What would we do with out (should be one word) the mist? I think that maybe you should just say 'it' because we already know you are talking about the mist. I know you are using repetition, but I think that if you say 'it' in one line it wont affect it to much and the line will sound smoother.
It means mystery and Adventure and is the meaning of all that we long for. This line is just kind of awkward because you say what mist means and then you go to say it is the meaning of all that we long for. It just doesn't sound write. Read it out loud. Maybe you just need to replace one of the words with a synonym. Here is a great place to find them.
Mist.

This is a really great poem, short and to the point, but it is still eloquent. I don't know if it is better than the last one because I didn't read it, but this one is beautiful.

Hope I helped,

A. S.

thank you a.s. for your review:)

Wow! That is wonderful. I love the different phrases that you use to describe the mist. I could see it all clearly. Great imagery. Keep it up!
~Ballerina

This is quiet beautiful. I think the shortness of the poem makes it so different and beautiful. I liked the part where you compared the mist to the mother duck watching after her babies. The only problem with this is that it is so short to the point that I just can't find a thing wrong with it. The ending is very short though. Why do we love the mist? What kind of mystery does it bring? Make the reader want more! (: So far it is very lovely the way it is, and I find it very short and sweet. Good luck and amazing job again!

-Soggy