Canaan

The man was remembering
what had been said, which was...?
I watched his fists tense up,
almost like a physical attempt to
conjure up some words.
I could tell he’d found them,
when his lips moved to their shapes.

“The sadder you drink,
the sweeter it gets.”
I had the urge to sing;
the words were so melodic.

The man was slumbering.
He was unclothed, un-blanketed,
I just had to look at his core.
How many chances did one
have the moment to look at another
without their mask in place?
Well when my peeking was through,
I thought I might leave,
having discovered all that I could.
I wouldn’t mind going back;
the truth was not ugly.

The man was fumbling,
from his drunk-ness he fell awake.
His eyes flickering open
in the dust of the land,
and he cursed my name
so all would know I’d done wrong.
Except my mind still felt
completely innocent and unspoiled,
and my own thoughts could not
comprehend what I’d done bad,
for I’d only seen His creation.

Imma go cry in a corner, 'cause nobody's commented on it. T-T No criticism...any...at all?

Patience, O Flowery One. Review Day comes once a month to rescue all from being review-less. :P

have a moment to look at another

"The" just sounds wrong and makes no sense. "A" sounds much better.

You have some interesting ideas in this. In particular, I liked how the man fell awake from his drunkenness. However, the ideas in this poem were extremely disjointed. You jump from one to the other without warning, and it is quite jarring. In some places, the jumping works, like at the start of the first stanza, but having so many jumps throughout the poem makes it difficult to follow and thus unpleasant to read. Showing the connections between the ideas, making them less separate, would smooth out the flow of reading and understanding this poem.

Taking the beginning of the first stanza, the idea jump makes logical sense; it isn't too much of a leap to go from the idea of a man trying to remember something to the narrator watching the man clench his hands. That is because the gap between the ideas was bridged by the watching; just as the readers are "watching" the event unfold, so is the narrator, and the first two lines can be seen as being told to us by the narrator as they describe the scene.

Build up those bridges, and this poem will read much more smoothly.

Another thing I noticed was the flood of superfluous-seeming words. In particular, a lot of them were due to the use of passive voice which, I'm sure you've been told, is the death of compelling writing. While passive voice can work well in a poem, I really don't think it does in this one, and in fact it bogs the entire poem down under a blanket of wishy-washy words. I suggest you go back through and pare down the words, substituting with more specific words where possible, and working out the passive voice. It will give this poem more of a presence and thus make it more attention-grabbing and compelling to read.