Anxiety Disorder

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I went to a poetry seminar for a couple of weeks and this is one of the things that spurred from a prompt we were given. Please feel free to tear it apart.

My mother sits alone
in a room filled with people,
speaking a language made with tears
within the arms of a girl who’s too big for her own body
and has no idea where their frequent tears come
to take this woman
who is beauty like a storm
created from the sound of blessing breaking
and nights found sleepless
made out in endless pacing.

With pills in her belly as we watch her fall to pieces,
eating ashes of her burned out self
that fervent prayers try to catch
but slipping through opened fingers that do not recognize
what she once was,
now begging for the strength of children
with bitter ashes of their own sweeping the sky
of all cleanliness
of the familiar.

as she stares without seeing their scars almost healed
as her own weep ice cream held under the sun
with her old happiness inside a locket never opened
choking her;
hanging her before she can find something
new
and cut it out to put in it something that will
relieve
the pain
of close throat leaking sobs that scream discontentment
and unleash a twisted demon chained
to that same locket
filled with those same ashes.

Except for those moments filled with unabashed laughter
born from words of hope and love
that span the ash choked light
and starts a candle shining like a feather soft
within the debris of past lives
of the same body.
the time before the thousand needles descending
from weak footprints
made by tortured feet
that look for more feathers so she can
once again have smile filled wings.
"A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning."
-James Dickey

"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent."
-Dave Barry




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This is very strong and bold. I think the part that really drew me into the poem was when you said "speaking a language made of tears" It's just very strong. I think the way you wrote it and how you described things made this poem great for me. In paragraph 3 was the high point for me from the poem. I liked it very much.




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Wow. I know I say that on allot of reviews but I really mean "Wow." on this one. This was breathtaking and I'm just about speechless. The only thing that could make this poem better is punctuation.
I agree with Angel, the same quote is what really stuck with me. This was very deep and emotional and raw and pure and good. I don't even know you but I am so proud of you. I'm proud of all writers that can just rip out their heart and nail it to a wall for everyone to scrutinize. This was amazing and may have hit me so hard because I suffer from anxiety disorder. But you are a very very good writer and I look forward to reading more from you.

Much love and luck,
XOChange
The only constant in our lives is Change.

Revelations 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eye. There will be no more mourning or death or pain. There will be no more crying for the old way of things has gone away.




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Reviews 6
Thank you both for the lovely compliments. I'm afraid of my ego now. :D

I'll be sure to work on that punctuation.

Again, thank you so much!

~
Lacey
"A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning."
-James Dickey

"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent."
-Dave Barry



By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill