hope you like it pointe2drama wrote:This is a quick poem that just waltzed into my head
Purple
What is purple? Questions are always interesting
The color purple means:
Sunset,
Beauty,
Love How? How does it mean sunset, beauty, love? Two are physical things, and one is a feeling. How is purple like this?
Purple
Is the love you feel for the person next to you. Again, how?
Purple,
Means so much and so little...... What would we do without it? How does it mean so much and so little? What does purple mean? And, what would we do without it? Poems are for answers, not questions.
Purple
Means so much to you and I, I feel this is repitition. You don't need this line.
What would we do with out it?Or this one. The whole stanza is useless. Again, you need to answer these questions, not ask them!
pointe2drama wrote:Purple
What is purple?
The color purple means
Sunset,
Beauty,
Love. I think there should be a period here because without it the commas seem out of place, and there is really no feel of the stanza ending if you don't put end punctuation.
Purple
Is the love you feel for the person next to you. O.k., here is my question. Do you want me to read this Purple (long pause) Is.. Or do you want me to read it like a sentence. So if flows smoothly together? Right now it is the first example and I think it makes this part of the poem seem choppy.
Purple, In the stanza before this and after this you didn't put a comma after 'Purple'
Means so much and so little...... What would we do without it? This is the most overused form of punctuation on the planet, well besides the comma. If you want there to be a long pause simply make there be another line. No harm done.
Purple
Means so much to you and I,
What would we do with out it? 'with out' should be one word. Also, I don't know about the ending. It just kind of seems disconnected from the rest of the poem, because you never mentioned 'you and I' before.
pointe2drama wrote:This is a quick poem that just waltzed into my head
Purple
What is purple? I don't know, you tell me, if I wanted to answer these questions, I would read your poem to find out. Not if I wanted to be asked them.
The color purple means See, you're going to tell me anyways, so why should I ask myself that, if the conclusion I come to is wrong? Is that what you want? Because that can be confusing and not good. So drop that question. You cannot recreate conversation between us and the poem unless it's between characters in the poem, then it's okay but otherwise it's a lot harder and it could have that chance of not matching up. And when that happens, nothing happens because we cannot relate and understand, and then it's all useless lines.
Sunset,
Beauty,
Love What is beauty? That is blank description, it tells us nothing. What is love? That also tells us nothing. Be more complex and go onto all the levels. Like if you had an equation, like .1(5 + 5) = 1.You don't just solve what is within the paraenthesis. You solve the entire thing and even move the decmial places. Well, poetry can be like math in execution. Everything moves from left to right, you go through all the steps, along with all the things of the sort. And everything even adds up!
Purple
Is the love you feel for the person next to you. So, anything purple is love for the person next to me? Anything at all? A desk? A pen? This is kinda too vague, it's a concept that cannot be related to. You should try a metaphor that is concrete and not abstract.
Purple,
Means so much and so little...... What would we do without it? I don't know, what would we do without it? You haven't really shown us anything that is important about it. You said what it means to you, wonderful, but what does that have to do with us? Nothing, so I am not sure how to answer. You can't talk about something you know about and we don't and then ask our thoughts. It's like trying to solve a single equation with two varibles. We just don't have enough information / relation of our own.
Because this can be seen as an equation. It has two varibles. Even if you know algebra, I am going to review systems of equations and solving them with substitution, just in case you don't remember or don't know.What's inside the spoiler may or may not make sense, I have no idea but instead of deleting it, I am doing this. Sorry. =/Spoiler
A system of equations is when you have something like x + y = 7 and then y = x - 1. This would be the setting up of the equation, or the placement of what is known and unknown. Unknown would be your abstract concepts, like your imagery, similes and metaphors.
Since we know what Y is equal to, we can put this into the first equation and have one varible. X + (x - 1) = 7.
This becomes 2x - 1 = 7. Transpose which is to divide your varibles and your numbers. 2x = 7 + 1. (you also flip the sign of whatever you transpose.)
Then there is execution and proper steps to follow. This would be your placement and over all ideas that will allow us to follow your story and how they move between eachother, the next step also covers some of this. Also, under this topic; show all of your work, like your connections and relations to the real world.
This becomes 2x = 8. This states that X times 2 is equal to 8. And inorder to undo multipcation, you have to divide. X times what is 8? 2. So you divide by 2. x = 8 /2 (fraction and simplify.) x = 8/2 or 4. There's a little more, like solving for Y, but that's not needed at the moment.
Then you need to solve and get your final answer. This would be following the story and coming to conclusions and that big idea.
I hope this can better show the set up and ways a poem can relate to what you already do.
And under that metaphor / idea; we're missing that second equation, the one we can fit into there and figure out what you mean. We cannot relate to all of these varibles and abstract concepts.
Purple
Means so much to you and I,
What would we do with out it? Refer to above
pointe2drama wrote:
TheJennaRaiton
The point of this poem was for the user to answer the questions not tear apart my poem!!!! God that was rude! But whatever you think. But for future reviewers the point is to come to your own conclusions
. Just one detail, I'd have liked if you had been more explanatory about the emotions.
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