In My Dreams

When I see you
it's like a dream.
A dream I don't want to wake up from.
A deep sleep dream,
One that is hard to wake up from.
A dream that takes you under,
and away from this world.
A dream that's all you are.
A dream that I will keep in my heart.
A part of my imagination.
Just a dream.

Then I saw you for the first time.
Not in my dreams.
It's you real and alive.
Now the time has changed.
I see you and I will keep you by my side
Even after i die.

I am open to all opinion's.State your mind but remember i am only in 7th grade but doing 8th grade work.

Hey there tkpejb! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today.

I think that this poem isn't bad, not at all. I think the repetition of "a dream" aids the poem, as well as detracting from it. Meaning...it's both good and bad. The only real nitpick I have is that you should definitely proofread! It will only help.

it's like dream.

I think you want "a" between like and dream?

Anyway, I'm not especially well versed in poetry to tell you how to change it, and even if I were, I wouldn't tell you to because poetry is as individual as the person writing it. Though I do suggest reconsidering the repetition, and you should proofread next time. Oh, and one last thing, as for a title, the obvious choice would be "A dream" but you could even title it something random. I...have a tendency to do that with poems I write. xD

Keep writing!

Spork!

dreams?? i have no idea but good poem

tkpejb wrote:

Spoiler

this is a first draft and I need a title.

When i see you
it's like a dream.
A dream I don't want to wake up from.
A deep sleep dream,
one that is hard to wake up from
A dream that takes you under and away from this world.
A dream that's all you are.
A dream that I will keep on my heart.
(A part of my imagination is all you are.)
Just a dream.

Then I saw for the first time.
Not in my dreams.
It's you real and alive.
Now the time has changed.
I see you and I will keep you by my side
even after i die.

i would call it All I Think About

tkpejb wrote:

Spoiler

this is a first draft and I need a title.

When i see you
it's like a dream.
A dream I don't want to wake up from.
A deep sleep dream,
one that is hard to wake up from
A dream that takes you under and away from this world.
A dream that's all you are.
A dream that I will keep on my heart.
A part of my imagination is all you are.
Just a dream.

Then I saw for the first time.
Not in my dreams.
It's you real and alive.
Now the time has changed.
I see you and I will keep you by my side
even after i die.

hey tasha, i thougth it was really good have u had eny thoughts about ur title? if not i think u shoud name it "some where out there" idk i just thought it wud put it into the dream more

i realy like the poem and i think that the tittle should be With Me Forever anyway that is now the best poem i have read all day! i like your poems

i love your poem!!!!!! i dont know anyway to improve it....
keep writing!!!!!!
~klemieux51