Knock you down

I been enjoyin' all the gossipin' and jabbin' but soon enough it starts agin' and I'm cravin' something more for my imagination to feast on. I'm a beast time with these free rhymes I keep spittin' I jus can't be quitin'. It's 3AM and already again I've begun to spin these words in my head, swish them around in my mouth and spit them out and find you sped up and took off with your white cloth wavin' around. You fall to the ground with your face down in the dirt lookin' straight crazy with your eyes all lazy, bloodshot from the one knock I gave ya'. I shut you out, pulled the trigger and heard one sound, "BLAOW".

So very random. I just watch the movie 8 Mile so I'm in a rap mood although I've never done a rap before, lol. This is really what I do at 3AM when I can't sleep.

Haha, cool rap, maybe you want to put it in "rap format". Ya know, raps are poems!

Oh rap! I wasn't expecting this
It's good, I'm doing my own little beat in my head to go with it. You've got the right swagger
Keep writing!

-Truth-

XChangeX wrote:I been enjoyin' all the gossipin' and jabbin' but soon enough it starts agin' and I'm cravin' something more for my imagination to feast on. I'm a beast time with these free rhymes I keep spittin' I jus can't be quitin'. It's 3AM and already again I've begun to spin these words in my head, swish them around in my mouth and spit them out and find you sped up and took off with your white cloth wavin' around. You fall to the ground with your face down in the dirt lookin' straight crazy with your eyes all lazy, bloodshot from the one knock I gave ya'. I shut you out, pulled the trigger and heard one sound, "BLAOW".

So very random. I just watch the movie 8 Mile so I'm in a rap mood although I've never done a rap before, lol. This is really what I do at 3AM when I can't sleep.

Like the other reviewer said, poem format!

It made me giggle, i don't know if that was what you were going for but it amused me. especially to 'blaow' part. XD
but soon enough it starts agin What starts again? The gossiping? Whaaa?
took off with your white cloth wavin' around Good line, doesn't really connect with the poem but the showing of surrender is awesome. You actually did a really good job of that in the entire poem. The show-don't-tell is important.
I keep spittin' I jus can't be quitin' The lack of punctuation, it burns.

You fall to the ground with your face down in the dirt lookin' straight crazy with your eyes all lazy, but he's face down, how can you see his eyes??

Agin' = Aging.
This was originally going to be a Facebook post so I'm talking about the gossiping and jabbing on there.
I wasn't really sure how to punctuate a rap, lol. Sorry.
And about the eyes, I don't know it just rhymed! Lol.

Yeah, I was going for a laugh and maybe someone to tell me I have a career in Rap, lol. But I don't see that happening. (Just kidding )

Thanks for the comments,
XOChange