The Five Worlds

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Gender Female
Points 4300
Reviews 111
Five worlds that form perfection,
Five worlds, pure as the dove,
Five worlds that give all happiness
Five worlds of what's above.

The first world, beauty to the eye:
Shade and shape make fair;
Yet if you were to search for hours,
His face would not be there.

The second, music to the ears:
Songs, gentle, and low,
And by all means, do strain to hear,
His voice, you will not know.

Third is velvet to the touch:
Somooth and soft and warm,
But judging by his brittle skin,
You could not find his form.

The fourth is flowers to the nose:
Scents that smell so sweet,
And roam around this world all week,
His smell, you will not meet.

The fifth world - sugar to the tongue:
I can't speak to compare,
But if you were to kiss his lips,
I doubt their taste is there.

But one more world, which I love best:
The world that is my own,
In all I love, and all loves me,
Here he finds his home.

Five worlds that formed perfection,
Five worlds, pure as the dove,
Five worlds that gave me happiness,
Until I
fell
in
love.

Spoiler
Based on the guy this is about, I must have written it about two years ago. He was hardly a looker, but he was one of my best friends, and for several months I was pretty much infatuated. I found the poem a few weeks ago and decided to fix it up a little, since my writing skills were... not impressive... in those days. It's still not really very good, but I spent hours redrafting and redrafting, so I thought I may as well see what you all think. I'd have called it more verse than poetry, but it's not the worst verse I've ever written.
"Ruth.
She's alive because she is not dead,
and junk."
~JoJo




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Gender Male
Points 914
Reviews 129
Hey,
This is going to be a pretty useless review, seeing as I can't find anything to criticize. The rhymes were all there and great. The flow was smooth. The overall idea and the words you used: great as well.

I think this is a beautiful poem, or verse, and all the things needed for a good work is here.
Keep writing! ^^

_Life_
Call me crazy; I prefer 'enjoys life while one can'.
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The pen's mightier than the sword - especially when it's wielded by a flipmothering dragon.
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◥▶◀◤




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Gender None specified
Points 1081
Reviews 11
This is very well writen; the writing style is very clean, and it is a smooth poem to recite. I loved the structure and the story behind it.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1184
Reviews 10
I. LOVED. THIS. I can't even write a review on it, because ... well, it wouldn't be a review it'd just be poetic praise. I loved the rhyme scheme, the message, the stanzas, every single line, down to the last work. Perfection.
"Bridget who is crazy said that sometimes she thought about suicide when commercials come on during TV."
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky



People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
— Leo J. Burke