heart of glass

Heart of Glass

I have a heart of glass,
one hundred heart breaks weigh on my shoulders.
I have a heart of glass,
a punch from you is like a vase falling to the floor,
And breaking to a million pieces.
I have a heart of glass,
if dropped i wont be able to be put back together.

I have a heart of glass


once again in honor of my granny

Once again, I don't want to see the smiley face at the end of your poem (if it is part of the poem.). Nor, the font color. I liked this poem better than the other one I read by you

pointe2drama wrote:Heart of Glass

I have a heart of glass,
one hundred heart breaks weigh on my shoulders. O.K. I would take this out. It will add to the rhythm of this line. Also, because you you already are saying 'heart' so much.
I have a heart of glass,
a punch from you is like a vase falling to the floor and breaking to a million pieces This word was spelled incorrectly. I think you should make this line into two. It is much longer than the others.
I have a heart of glass,
if dropped I wont be able to be put back together. This line is just a bit awkward. Just read it out loud and you will see what I mean. I would rephrase it. Maybe: if dropped I can never be put back together. This is just the first thing that popped into my head and only an example.

I have a heart of glass

O.K. so, I like this poem. But, it could use a lot of improvement, and like I said before repetition adds more oomph to the poem when it is less obvious. I think this has way more affect:

pointe2drama wrote:I have a heart of glass,
one hundred heart breaks weigh on my shoulders.
a punch from you is like a vase falling to the floor and breaking to a million pieces
if dropped I wont be able to be put back together.
I have a heart of glass

I guess It could be just me though. I really did like the poem anyway.

Thanks for the good read and P.M. me if you have any questions,

A. S.

i love it!!!!!!!!

a punch from you is like a vase falling to the floor and breaking to a million pecies

It looks like you had a spelling mistake.

Also, i feel like this sentence is too long. Maybe...

A punch from you is like a vase
That when it falls,
breaks,
into a million pieces.

maybe something like that.

The imagery is great, but I think you should review and edit the poem and make sure it is really what you are trying to say before posting it. Also, the poem is about heart break, so why is there a smiley at the end? It doesn't really make sense.

megefford wrote:The imagery is great, but I think you should review and edit the poem and make sure it is really what you are trying to say before posting it. Also, the poem is about heart break, so why is there a smiley at the end? It doesn't really make sense.

the smiley was an accident i was trying the diffrent ones out and didnt backspace, sorry for the confusion