My Dreams

tkpejb wrote:When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a would of possibilities, (would should be world)
That can take flight.( beautiful)
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.(in this line it seems that you are comparing your dream to someone elses. it shoud be: that my dreams take flight)
(the following is ver good)
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.

tkpejb wrote:When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a world of possibilities,
That can take flight.
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.

I see a world of possibilities, I am sure you can make this less direct and boring. How do you see a world of possibilities, what am I supposed to think of? Or is it (mystery) Any old one will do. You pick. That kind imagery.
That can take flight. Worlds take flight? That doesn't make a lot of sense. Considering the way you have it punctuated, you may want to remove that comma after possbilities.
I know I am just hoping, I think you should put hope is like a risk that I am willing to take, here. Then play with your surrounding lines to make it fit. I believe that would make it better and a more relatable sense of what is happening.
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish, If you're taking a risk, I think it is safe to assume you're trying to accomplish something. And you should also try being less direct, like I said before. This is very up and in your face and that's just boring.
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars. The some, pretty much ruins it. You shoud replace some with all.
My dreams are not made of gas, Where is the flow and interconnecting ideas? Yeah, it's all about your dreams and the risks and hope involved in doing nothing. It goes from descriptions of what vague possibilities you see, then to the, also vague, risks you're going to take, then to your talk of dreams, which is also vague. In what ways are these things happening.
like stars,
And wont fade with time. You should try a more complex comparason, my dreams are stronger than the stars, that light broken dreams to paths of realisation. Something like that, that can be used in more than one way. Depending on how you go about using your other ideas. Like mentioning buildings and other parts of the city and using them in comparason, this line would give the impression of being on a darkish, scary, broken road. Or something like that, and it becomes a much more useful line.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time. I still don't know what your dream is, but I am getting the idea that it's to be a star or something of the sort? And the poem hasn't really talked about being forgotten or anything like that, so this ending seems a bit out of place.

tkpejb wrote:When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a world of possibilities,
That can take flight.
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk.I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.

When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a world of possibilities,
That can take flight.
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.