Young Writers Society


Suicide

14 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 790
Reviews 59
“I finally know why I’m leaving.”
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.

We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Got Support~?
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Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1146
Reviews 5
... ... ... ... Wow! Nice. I don't really think I can help you with thins one. Sorry. I like it. *You don't have to answer this question* Are you depressed?




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 923
Reviews 51
Deep and heartfelt. We know your pain. Look at how beautiful it can be in this poem? You have talent!
Im the best :)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2378
Reviews 39
Whoa interesting. I like it. I don't really know what to say here. It seems like everything is perfect just the way it is. I really like the first sentence a lot. It captured me and held on to me the whole poem. Well the whole first stanza did anyway.

Job well done!
Any man can handle adversity, to test a man's character give him power - Abraham Lincoln

To be the greatest is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark. - ?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1069
Reviews 2
Really calming in a saddish way. Throught provoking for sure....in a good way:) A poem to remember for sure.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 709
Reviews 83
Hibiscus wrote:“I finally know why I’m leaving.”
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.

We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.



Wow. I am not sure, but am I the only one who has a sense that the author is in some way talking about angels?
"Hello, is this thing on?"




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2278
Reviews 38
*singerofthenight* wrote:
Hibiscus wrote:“I finally know why I’m leaving.”
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.

We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.



Wow. I am not sure, but am I the only one who has a sense that the author is in some way talking about angels?



I don't think the author is talking about angels, only about a true lost love I believe. This is amazing, and full of pain. Nice images and deep implicit meanings. Good job.
I fear no darkness, for my soul is entrapped behind its ruthless instants. The melody of sorrow has made the universe rotate without me.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 92255
Reviews 1748
I like your imagery. It's very good.

Wow, that was deep, right? :P But anyways, that's really all I have to say.

~Blue




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2238
Reviews 25
Deep, heartfelt, saddening and sort of hard to follow. I'm afraid I can't pinpoint how to make it easier to read, but yeah, it was good.

~ Rebz
Some Angels Are Destined To Fall.
Love Never Dies.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2001
Reviews 45
Deep. Suicide is not a topic generally talked about. It's usually pushed to the back of the list. Like it never happens. But it does. Amazing visuals in the writing. I thought it was amazing. I want to know exactly who you are talking about. Who is it?
Life can be amazing if your slightly strange




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 18




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 790
Reviews 7
It's full of a lot of intense emotion which makes it really interesting to read. It's really deep and makes you be able to create visuals. I think it's amazing. I like the format you wrote it in, it makes you pause a lot and have the words sink in. Good job!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3354
Reviews 111
I don't really have a comment, sorry. It's rather...complete, which is great! I'm at such a loss for words right now, and perhaps that's what you were going for. If so, well done! If not, well done anyway! Thanks for sharing, it really made me think about life in a different point of view. Wow...I, I just can't say anything more...I'm stunned.
"The only bad ideas are the ones never tried." - Puck, The Sisters Grimm




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 923
Reviews 51
Hibiscus wrote:“I finally know why I’m leaving.”I love this line. Jumps straight into the poem.
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.I love this simile, I can imagine this.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers I love "dance with death" allietation and metaphor has a big effect on the reader
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on Made me think of death. As if the character in the poem is ascending to an afterlife
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.Emotive and lovely, in a morbid way offcourse

We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”dramatic and pwerful, love it.
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.This has to be my favourite stanza in the entire poem because I loved this last line

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.


All in all, I think you have done a wonderful job here with this poem, the imagry was absolutley perfect and I read this poem before and it took me ages finding it again, I really enjoyed the poem and I really liked reviewing it for you. I think you ar a great poet and I will definatly be looking out for mor of your work in the future. I fund this dark and disturbing but in a way that resonates and connects with the rader I just thought it was beautiful thankyou!!!!!!!!
-matt
Im the best :)



what are we?? Writers!!! What are we allergic to?? Giving our characters happiness!!
— creeperfeverdreams