Everything but the truth

You are nothing but a fairytale
Is fiction not a crime?
A gripping tale of courage,
Your lies are like a chime.
If you where as noble,
As your caracter made you seem
would you still tell me i was lucky,
to be good enough for thee.

I actually like this.
It's smooth and the flow is very nice. I wish I knew what it was about though.

Just a few grammar and spelling mistakes.

Character not caracter and i should be capitalized.

But other then that harmless mistake, this is amazing, really.

Good luck.

You are nothing but a fairytale,
Is fiction not a crime?
A gripping tale of courage,
Your lies are like a chime.

If you where as noble,
As your caracter made you seem,
would you still tell me i was lucky,
to be good enough for thee.

I just edited it abit it was sort and sweet. Brillant and beautifuly written.

Keep writing

RIS!

thanks guys. I'm terrible at laying out poems, and grammar and spelling
I really Appreciate the feedback

Deception, broken heart, or a whim? Why? Never mind.

You are nothing but a fairytale
Is fiction not a crime?
A gripping tale of courage,
Your lies are like a chime.
If you where as noble,
As your caracter made you seem
would you still tell me i was lucky,
to be good enough for thee.

I'm just gonna do a little fix-up here first, then I'll go on to review it a bit more.
I'll point out that, "If you where as noble" should actually be, "If you were as noble".
And, "would you still tell me i was lucky" should be, "would you still tell me I was lucky".

Then others already pointed the other things, so that's all good there.

Now, I have to say you did really well I on these two points.

Flow - The flow of the poem and the rhyme flow overall was really good. People usually have problems getting rhyme to work, but yours comes naturally and easily. The words didn't seem forced to try and make them work with the rhyme, and they made sense.

Subject - The theme and subject of this poem was easy to understand and to grasp. You stuck to it very well, and it was really good. I liked the concept a lot, and was done very neatly. I especially love the line about, "Your lies are like a chime". That was really awesome, lol.

One thing I'd like to point out if your use of "thee" at the end. Usually the language in a poem should be constant to the time period, so if your using thee, words like, "you", "your", and "I", should have been changed to words also from that time period. And I understand you needed that for the rhyme scheme, of course, I should just let you know that it should be constant. And... it kind of works along with the fairytale thing, because "thee" goes along with those fairytale stories. I don't know, lol. For here it's fine, but any other time be careful about that sort of thing.

Anyway. Very good job! It was short, I liked it. ^^

I really love this poem.
It's so beautiful and it really flows
I think you should maybe extend it... because It's really good so far

Hibiscus wrote:

You are nothing but a fairytale
Is fiction not a crime?
A gripping tale of courage,
Your lies are like a chime.
If you where as noble,
As your caracter made you seem
would you still tell me i was lucky,
to be good enough for thee.

I'm just gonna do a little fix-up here first, then I'll go on to review it a bit more.
I'll point out that, "If you where as noble" should actually be, "If you were as noble".
And, "would you still tell me i was lucky" should be, "would you still tell me I was lucky".

Then others already pointed the other things, so that's all good there.

Now, I have to say you did really well I on these two points.

Flow - The flow of the poem and the rhyme flow overall was really good. People usually have problems getting rhyme to work, but yours comes naturally and easily. The words didn't seem forced to try and make them work with the rhyme, and they made sense.

Subject - The theme and subject of this poem was easy to understand and to grasp. You stuck to it very well, and it was really good. I liked the concept a lot, and was done very neatly. I especially love the line about, "Your lies are like a chime". That was really awesome, lol.

One thing I'd like to point out if your use of "thee" at the end. Usually the language in a poem should be constant to the time period, so if your using thee, words like, "you", "your", and "I", should have been changed to words also from that time period. And I understand you needed that for the rhyme scheme, of course, I should just let you know that it should be constant. And... it kind of works along with the fairytale thing, because "thee" goes along with those fairytale stories. I don't know, lol. For here it's fine, but any other time be careful about that sort of thing.

Anyway. Very good job! It was short, I liked it. ^^

I agree with everyone. There's not much for me to review since most are covered. Anyway, I enjoyed reading it.


Keep writing,

Alicia.

itsjustemilie wrote:You are nothing but a fairytale
Is fiction not a crime?
A gripping tale of courage,
Your lies are like a chime.
If you where as noble,(were)
As your caracter made you seem(character)
would you still tell me i was lucky,
to be good enough for thee.

1.i really liked the poem the flow was a quite good.
2. there were a few grammatical errors(no need to worry, its just a small thing)
3. i liked that you used some great words
Keep writing!

I love its rhythm. And like others have said, some cleaning up in punctuation/grammar would certainly give it a nice polish, for lack of a better word. Perhaps not a comma after 'noble' and things like that. Your vocabulary rocks! Well done!