It's all her

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1510
Reviews 37
She's a beautiful girl
And she lives in a fantasy
It's her little world
And it's realer than she can see
All of the boys
They fall at her feet
She treats them like toys
And they accept her deceit
There's one thing she knows
She's a gorgeous girl
But she puts herself down
Cause attention's her world

But she doesn't know
That when you hold her hand
He sinks so low
It makes him feel like the end
No she doesn't know
That when you hug her tight
It hurts him so
She thinks it's alright
She believes that if you two date
It'll make him die
But he's dying inside and that's why
I cry

He's an amazing guy
But nobody likes him
I don't understand why
But they all try to hide him
All of his friends
Treat him like dirt
They say it's the end
They don't know how it hurts
There's one thing he knows
He's a loser guy
And he puts himself down
Cause he's living a lie

But he doesn't know
That when you hold her hand
She loves it so
She don't want it to end
No he doesn't know
That when you hug her tight
She just lets go
She thinks it's alright
But he knows that if you two date
It's make him die
But he's dying inside and that's why
I cry

He leaves her alone
Cause he knows she don't want him
If you leave her alone
She'll realise she needs him
Stop teasing his heart
And he'll realise she wants him
She'll stop teasing his heart
When she realises she needs him

But you don't now
That when you hold her hand
It makes them know
This is how it'll end
No you don't know
That when you hug her tight
They don't show
That they know it's not right
But you know that if you two date
It'll make him die
But he's dying inside and that's why
I cry

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay I know it's not my best piece but please just tell me how to improve it.
Thanks
We all have moments of desperation, but if we face them head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. - Mary-Alice Young, Desperate Housewives




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 789
Reviews 44
smashles wrote:She's a beautiful girl
And she lives in a fantasy
It's her little world
And it's realer Is "realer" a word? if it is i think its spelt wrong. than she can see
All of the boys
They fall at her feet
She treats them like toys
And they accept her deceit
There's one thing she knows
She's a gorgeous girl
But she puts herself down
Cause attention's her world

But she doesn't know
That when you hold her hand
He sinks so low
It makes him feel like the end
No she doesn't know
That when you hug her tight
It hurts him so
She thinks it's alright
She believes that if you two date
It'll make him die
But he's dying inside and that's why
I cry
Okay, you need to sort it out, it's confusing, in ways i can't explain.

He's an amazing guy
But nobody likes him
I don't understand why
But they all try to hide him
All of his friends
Treat him like dirt
They say it's the end
They don't know how it hurts
There's one thing he knows
He's a loser guy
And he puts himself down
Cause he's living a lie

But he doesn't know
That when you hold her hand
She loves it so
She don't want it to end
No he doesn't know
That when you hug her tight
She just lets go
She thinks it's alright
But he knows that if you two date
It make's him die
But he's dying inside and that's why
I cry
When you wrote two in the eairier part, i got confused, you shoud change it becuase it sound like shes cheating.

He leaves her alone
Cause he knows she don't want him
If you leave her alone
She'll realise she needs him
Stop teasing his heart
And he'll realise she wants him
She'll stop teasing his heart
When she realises she needs him

But you don't now
That when you hold her hand
It makes them know
This is how it'll end
No you don't know
That when you hug her tight
They don't show
That they know it's not right
But you know that if you two date
It'll make him die
But he's dying inside and that's why
I cry

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay I know it's not my best piece but please just tell me how to improve it.
Thanks



Okay, you have a good idea for a song but you need to make it more clear like what parts the chourus and all that

Keep writing!!

RIS!
"Winner, winner, chicken dinner" Wise words said by the one and only, Dean Winchester.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 940
Reviews 44
Yo - this is my review.

First off, realer is sooo not a word.

Also I do not understand what it is about and therefore I cannot review it properly.
If I die young
bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river, at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
<3



Forget ragebaiting. What about happybaiting. Purposely mentioning things that my friends like to make them happy and joyous. What about that, huh
— GengarTheGhost