hope it's better. Yeah, I know it seems like I am stalking you as I just stand there at the rocks watching you sail. I wasn’t a stalker. I was just seeing how you were doing. Was I invisible? No by far not, at least I hoped not as for you had been looking at me enough. Did I look bad? I hoped not as I stood there in my bikini top and short shorts. I was confident in myself, in my body so I had no trouble believing you were looking at me. As I watched the sailboat fly past me I could not help but to flaunt my body as I saw you look over. I knew you were looking, I knew you wouldn’t stop looking unless you had to. In the end you had to tack, making you disappear from my view.
“Okay! Robert and Jack hurry inside and de-rig!” Your coach shouted. I watched you sail into the creek and almost hit a rock because you were distracted.
“Hey Robert, look who’s watching.” I heard Jack whisper to you. You swore at him and told him to shut up, hoping I didn’t hear you. I figured out your name was Robert then and neither of us knew that you would be the first boy to break my heart.
I went to summer camp for two weeks, that’s where I saw you. The dark haired, brown-eyed god that would soon notice me. I wasn't used to guys looking at me. So when you did I was very self-conscious. When you looked at me I became nervous and my palms would be sweaty. It was hard to concentrate on anything else but you. I tried to not make it obvious that I was looking at you but that backfired on me. Soon enough all my friends knew I liked you. We nicknamed you and the instructors became interested in finding out who this mystery person was.
We soon saw more of you. When the younger kids would notice you, you would pretend to be doing something else. My friends would tease me quietly making me blush. A quick glance at you, our eyes would meet and I would turn around quickly. I could feel myself asking a million questions. Do I look okay? Is he really looking at me? Is this a joke? I breathed slowly trying to slow my heartbeat.
As the wind picks up and we’re in the boats, my hair flies everywhere. You look across at me and I can tell your holding back a grin. We have to gibe and the sail blocks you.
We memorized your sail, my friend and I did. I liked you while my friend liked your crewmate. Yes, we were those girls leaning against our sailboat trying not to stare. Your crew member walks away at the same time mine does and I am left trying not to notice you. I can feel your eyes on me though, making me blush. The butterflies in my stomach increase.
You stand there in your swim shorts on the docks. Your hair went and your abs showing. The two of us are nearly drooling. Should I be imagining you kissing me right now, no. Should I stop looking at you? That would probably be the right choice, but I can’t.
You’re two years older than me. I’ve dated a guy you’re age but that was in public school. It was a short time crush but this one I fear won’t go away. You’re different but I know the consciences. I have memorized them now. You live half way across the country, you’re too old for me and after these two weeks I will never see you again. But as I stood there watching you sail, 5506 standing out, I couldn’t help but to feel my heart break. Last day, last chance. That chance never came.
For the two weeks it was playful glances and smiles. Whispers to friends and major blushing were all just a part of the game. This game strengthened me but also broke my heart every time. My emotions becoming fragile and my crush for you became large enough for two people. I never thought I could feel like this, like I was floating on heaven.
He moved back home, half way across the country and I was to never see him again. I added him on Facebook a month later, hoping that he would remember the small, fragile girl who took a liking to him. When he accepted the request it was just like the first time you were close, I was happier than describable. I screamed loudly, not caring who heard me.
As I looked at his picture, I realized that soon I had to move on. He was gone now and I couldn’t help it. Other girls were most likely chasing him now as I became a small memory. These girls would never love him the way I did. I had never talked to him, yet I felt like I had for years and we were best friends. I guessed this was my imagination kicking in again, turning my life into it’s own love story.
There was that resistance again, the one that kept me believing that one day we would meet again. The resistance pulled hard at my emotions, threatening to make me crack, telling me to make a decision. I knew the right answer, making it happen was the hard part. I couldn’t let him go no matter how hard I tried. I knew I wouldn't forget him for a long time. The memories still lingers, his face in my dreams, now I know what it feels like to have your heart shread in pieces. It's a lot worse than what the books say.
Wicked <3
, but this story doesn't!
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