How Rain was Created

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For english, I had to create a myth about nature. The example was how to camel got it's hump. I chose to do mine on rain when allmixedup and jubber inspired me. Tell me what you think about it.

In the beginning of creation, when the Earth was just beginning to form, it was divided into three living areas. Heaven, Earth and Hell. Heaven was the place where God and the angels lived. Heaven was beautiful and holy. It was located in the sky and could only be reached if you died. When you died Heaven was the place you went. Earth was where souls began their journey. Humans lived here. This area was made up of land and water. This was the area where the good from the Heaven and the bad from Hell fought. Hell was the place where evil souls went. Souls that sinned and did horrible things were banished here. They were trapped in Hell for eternity, their souls damned for life. It was a dark and a cold place; everyone there was miserable.
One day an archangel named Gabriel was assigned a human. Being an archangel Gabriel had an important duty to fulfill. Gabriel was the messenger of God, the bringer of good news and hope. When he was given this job he was confused.
“But I must deliver good news. Is it not a guardian angel’s job to protect the humans?” He asked
“This one is important, I assigned this specifically to you. Please follow out my wishes.” God said to him. Gabriel agreed and away he went to met his human.
When he reached his human he could hear her first.
“Servant fetch me my tea now.” She screamed at a young girl. His human was a princess named Ariel. Ariel sat on top of a high chair in a room of riches. She was dressed in the best clothes and was surrounded by servants.
“Where is my tea?” She yelled. The young girl ran in, as she held it out to Ariel her hands shook. Gabriel looked at the girl and almost went back to the heavens, not wanting to deal with a spoiled teenager. He knew better though. He had been told many times to not judge a person before you got to know them. Gabriel walked into the room and up to her chair.
“Ariel, I have come to protect you.”
“Fine, just stayed out of my way and do as I say.” She spat the words at him as if he were a pile of dirt. He took his post at her side and watched her yell ungratefully at her servants.
“You,” She said angrily to Gabriel “You’re job right now is to protect me from those cockroaches. Go now and hit them before they get into my shoes.” Gabriel did so without saying a word. As he hit the cockroaches around her chair she caught a glimpse of his wings. She stood up and took the stick he was using away. She handed it over to another servant and yelled for another chair.
A chair was brought out and she sat Gabriel in it.
“A man of your status should not be squashing cockroaches. He should be sitting in luxury. I am sorry for what I did.” Taken back by her change in behavior, he gawked at her.
“That is ok for I was sent to help. I was sent to protect you.” She nodded and smiled
“So tell me, what is it like in the Heaven? I would like to know everything.” He began to tell her about his life and what is was like to be in Heaven.
They spent many weeks together, getting to know each other and learning each other’s way of life.. They became great friends and soon grew close. Gabriel was put through a day of work of what it was like to be the princess and vice versa
“Why are you ungrateful to your servants?” Gabriel asked one day
“I have a reputation to keep up. You should know what it feels like.” She responded calmly.
One day as they were standing outside, watching the peasants go by, an army from the village’s enemy came marching up to them . The leader stood in front of them holding a letter.
“We have heard of news. Bad news. We have received a letter explaining that you have cancelled the wedding.”
“That is true.” Ariel said
“This is unacceptable. The two villages have been planning this for years. If you say no again there will be consequences.” He said turning around.
“I cancel the wedding.” Ariel said, emphasizing every word. The leader said something in a language Gabriel did not recognize. Before he could move Ariel had been stabbed. The army left as Gabriel held Ariel in his arms, his shirt now soaked in her blood.
“Now I can see Heaven.” She said smiling weakly.
“No, you can not die on me.” Gabriel said. As he said this she struggled to breathe and died. Gabriel carried her body to Heaven and searched for her.
Since heaven was so large he had trouble finding her. When he gave up he sat down on the ground and cried. As the tears fell from his face and touched the ground, clouds formed in the sky and became dark. As Gabriel cried the clouds released his tears on the Earth, giving life to new things. The humans all stared up at the sky. When Gabriel could no longer cry, the clouds spread apart. God placed a rainbow in its place to remind Gabriel Ariel was happy now. Now every time Gabriel thinks about the princess he cries and lets the tears fall to Earth. When he is finished God replaced it’s empty space with a rainbow to cheer Gabriel up.
Last edited by IIWickedDestinyII on Wed Oct 06, 2010 7:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.
One word to say to you
One world to live onto
One person that makes you spin
One song you'll always sing
Show me the way <3




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I think this was a very good story. I like how you brought the bible into the whole thing too. I'm not that good with nitpicking, so I'll leave that for someone else. Good job and keep writing!

Sierra :mrgreen:
If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.
Thomas Carlyle

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Thank you. It's a school assignment for English and was just wondering what people thought about it. Thank you and that's ok. Ok :)
Wicked <3
One word to say to you
One world to live onto
One person that makes you spin
One song you'll always sing
Show me the way <3




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I love how you combined school and the bible in this story!!! I'm not really any good at nitpicking either, so I'll let other people dot that! Keep writing1!!!
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I'll come back later and do a proper review, but right now just one question: how can she be happy if she went to Hell. I assumed she did because he couldn't find her in heaven. I thought this would be a tragedy and I was worrying about how God was going to come out.




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So, I like this story first off- nicely done. :)
There were a couple of plot things that kind of irked me though:

1- why was Gabriel assigned to only ONE human? And where did it say that before?

2-- she wasn't a good person; it seems that as being an angel, and perfect and holy and whatnot, that Gabriel wouldn't have gotten along with her. I would consider building their relationship a bit more and increasing the emotional attachment.

3- the concept of the wedding was quite random. We hadn't heard of it anywhere before. Perhaps slip that in a bit earlier, and give a reason for the cancellation?

4- How could she be happy if she went to Hell?

Overall, this was nicely written, as I said. I would consider trying to "show" more than "tell" throughout your descriptions, but nice job overall.


-Coral-




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Very nice, different, something that I do have to say, you went a little fast with Ariel and Gabriel's relationship. When Ariel saw Gabriel's wings shouldn't she have asked questions or asked why he had to protect her? You rushed it, changed her personality completed in two or three lines, these things take time.
And, you didn't say if Ariel went to Heaven or Hell. Gabriel couldn't find her in heaven is she there or is she in Hell?
One very last thing, you said at the start that good and evil battle on Earth, but in hell you only mention evil spirits that were banished there and were damned to stay there forever, how good they go to earth if they are damned to Hell?
Other than that I really like it, I like how you described the rain as Gabriel's tears very imaginative. Keep writing!
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I like this alot! i hope your english teacher gave you a good grade as well.

Little fast with their relationship I think
I like the part about gabriel crying and that is how rain was made.
i also liked that you added the biblical approach to it.

ok thats all.
Goodjob!

~Sonny
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


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