My Inner Child Ran Away :(

Spoiler

Not sure how I feel about this, it's pretty, um...weird? ) O.o Haha, well anyway I kind of just wrote this on the spot 'cause I was bored, just thought I'd post it for the heck of it.

Where did she go?
Oh, not again!
I think she's run off for good this time...
The wild thing's
Gone off to Timbuctu
To join the circus,
To walk the tightrope
And ride on Dumbo as he flies.

I call for her and plead her now,
Oh, won't she come?
I miss her so.
I think she's off to join the birds
In the sky,
Learning to soar the way they do.
And then she'll get bus fair
On a cloud to Cosmo Street
Where she can swing on
The tips of stars
And skate on the rings of Jupiter.

My inner child,
Have you seen her?
I'm afraid she won't come back again.
She looks like me but smaller and
Her hair is tangled wild.
She trips on her own feet but
She's really very quick and -
Oh, there she is now!
Catch her, please!
No, too late, she's gone
Off to wander the lands
of Far Beyond.
I'll miss her so,
But I guess it's time to face it -
I am grown and
I have to let her go.

THAT IS SO CUTE ... and so true. )= sad face.
I really love this poem, and I can't think of anything that could improve it.
Now I feel really guilty that I can't do anything to help, but that should be a compliment (:
Again, I really, really, really like this. The verses flow even though they do not rhyme and I was entranced. And by the way, I didn't think it was weird. Like I say, great for a piece that you posted as a tonic for boredom!!!
Thank you for sharing this, and God bless,
Ignis

StoryWeaver13 wrote:
To join the circus,
To uneeded walk the tightrope
And ride on Dumbo as he flies.

I call for her and plead for? her now,
Oh, why won't she come?
I miss her so.
I think she's off to join the birds
In the sky, This line is oddly short compared to the rest and throws the rhythm off. I would add it to the one before it or ad something else. Maybe even just get rid of it completely.
Learning to soar the way they do.
And This is unneeded and frankly I hate when poets start their lines with 'and' then she'll get bus fair
On a cloud to Cosmo Street
Where she can swing on
The tips of stars
And skate on the rings of Jupiter. I like these two lines.

~~~

She trips on her own feet, but

~~~

Beyond. Why does the word 'beyond' gets it whole own line? Is it really that important? Do you want to stress it that much?
I'll miss her so,
But I guess it's time to face it -
I am grown and
I have to let her go. I love the ending.

Your writing style reminds me of shel silverstein. Do you know of him. He is truly a great children's (and adults) poet. I love this poem oh so much. I love any poem that is perfect for any age and doesn't rhyme though. I am afraid that besides the things I have said above I don't have much to say. *likes*

Wish I could be as good as you,

A. S.

Oh my gosh, this is the second time on this site I've been compared to Shel Silverstein!!! Not a bad thing, though, I read his work constantly when I was little and I still love the stuff he wrote. Anyway, thanks for both the reviews, and I'll think about tweaking it a little bit.

Ah this is one of the strangest poems I have ever read. But I do admire the way you have described the very little things that amaze a child alot. Like the circus and so... I did like the poem alot actually, and I would advise you to write whatever comes to your mind.

I love this poem.

My inner child,
Have you seen her?
I'm afraid she won't come back again.
She looks like me but smaller and
Her hair is tangled wild.
She trips on her own feet but
She's really very quick

This is my favorite stanza. I think that you depicted the inner child in a curious, comical way.Keep writing, Fiction.

I would like to point out that it is perfectly acceptable to start lines with "and," that's just a matter of personal preference.

Also, and I'm surprised no one's caught this yet, but this line:

And then she'll get bus fair

It should be "fare" not "fair." When you mean "just" then it's "fair"; when you're talking money, it's "fare."

That's my only criticism. Good job!

~Blue

P.S. My inner child is thoroughly still present. ^_^

Hi,
This is a real amazing piece of work.It's strangely true by the way.I had so much fun reading it that I could really imagine a little kid in shorts and a messy shirt running away from me.The only problem is I can't find any thing wrong with it.I really love it a lot.I really hope to read more of your work.
Keep writing
........july4ruby........

How cute! It's a bit plain but I really do like it. It gives off a childish quality about the aspect of growing up. It could be a great picture book. I'm sure my inner child is still eating pancakes with whip cream. It's a really cute poem!

Lots of , Nepo!

Haha I am sure your inner child didn't leave you yet ... back to the poem I really enjoyed it, I think it flows very well. To be honest reading the first lines I didn't feel drawn to it but as I continued I didn't want to stop so I read it again and I liked the poem more then the first time. I really like the last stanza and espcially how you ended it.
Keep it up

StoryWeaver13 wrote:

Spoiler

Not sure how I feel about this, it's pretty, um...weird? ) O.o Haha, well anyway I kind of just wrote this on the spot 'cause I was bored, just thought I'd post it for the heck of it.

Where did she go?
Oh, not again!
I think she's run off for good this time...
The wild thing's
Gone off to Timbuctu
To join the circus,
To walk the tightrope
And ride on Dumbo as he flies.

I call for her and plead her now,
Oh, won't she come?
I miss her so.
I think she's off to join the birds
In the sky,
Learning to soar the way they do.
And then she'll get bus fair
On a cloud to Cosmo Street
Where she can swing on
The tips of stars
And skate on the rings of Jupiter.

My inner child,
Have you seen her?
I'm afraid she won't come back again.
She looks like me but smaller and
Her hair is tangled wild.
She trips on her own feet but
She's really very quick and -
Oh, there she is now!
Catch her, please!
No, too late, she's gone
Off to wander the lands
of Far Beyond.
I'll miss her so,
But I guess it's time to face it -
I am grown and
I have to let her go.

Wow. That is the only coherent thought I am capable of. You have managed to put intense emotion in such a simple poem. Do we really ever express how we feel? By some bizarre circumstances are we by far less intelligent than we once was. Have we lost such innocence that we had as a child. Maybe, maybe not. That it the question. ;P

This is really well written. It is so cute and sad. It has a sense of nostalgia within it. There is much emotion in such a short poem. It is astounding. I think that this poem relates to a lot of people. I know it does for me. The reminiscent, care free days that are included in this really hit home. There is really nothing bad about this poem. Maybe add some shorter stanzas, maybe. That is about all. Again, this was a sweet poem. Great job!
~Ballerina

StoryWeaver13 wrote:My inner child,
Have you seen her?
I'm afraid she won't come back again.
She looks like me but smaller and
Her hair is tangled wild.
She trips on her own feet but
She's really very quick and -
Oh, there she is now!
Catch her, please!
No, too late, she's gone
Off to wander the lands
of Far Beyond.
I'll miss her so,
But I guess it's time to face it -
I am grown and
I have to let her go.

This part is my favorite! I think this is a very cute poem, in a good way! Your inner child is a person, very neat and clever of you. My personal favorite part is the one I quoted ^_^ so awesome.

Keep writing!
-Soggy

This story is amazing and so true. When you desperately want to hang on to childhood, you are forced to let it go. I wish sometimes we could go back in time, but we can't. You are an amazing author. Keep on writing

StoryWeaver13 wrote:I'll miss her so,
But I guess it's time to face it -
I am grown and
I have to let her go.

Favorite part! this a very original and unique poem, and I love it!!!!