A Bisexual High School Love Quadrilateral

It all started with Thomas and April.
They went out about a year ago, then broke up.
But she never really got over him.

Thomas is Brad's best friend.
Brad asked me out, and I was only too happy to accept.
I loved Brad, and he loved me.

But then, out of nowhere, he broke up with me.
Said it was for my sake.
My world was shattered.

As it turned out, so was his.
He turned to April, of all people,
And she realized she had feelings for him.

But he wanted me back,
And I took him back, against my better judgement.
And for a time, we were happy--all of us except April.

April grew close to both me and Brad.
But between me and her, there was a little something more.
Brad detected this.

He thought I didn't want him anymore.
He broke up with me.
Again.

April was there for me.
She held me close, and I couldn't help it.
I kissed her.

Thomas was also there for me.
He never left me alone, even if it meant staying on Facebook all night.
I didn't know it then, but he was falling in love with me too.

Before I knew it, April had asked me out,
And I had accepted.
I needed someone; why not her?

So April and I broke all the rules,
And for a time we were happy.
But I only liked her; she loved me.

It all happened so fast, too fast.
I turned to Thomas for help,
And he told me to follow my heart.

How could I follow my heart, if it outran me?
Why was I suddenly feeling something for him, my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend?
I refused to believe it at first, but the truth was inescapable.

I broke up with April.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
I had to watch her holding back the tears, and know I had caused them.

Thomas saw all this.
If it was painful for me, I know it was painful for him.
He gave me time, but eventually he had to ask.

And when he did, I said yes.
I loved him, as much and more than I had loved either Brad or April.
But we still had one problem.

What about April?
She loved both of us, and here we were together,
Leaving her alone.

We tried to keep it secret,
At least until we could figure out how to tell her.
But secrets have a way of getting out.

I've never seen anyone so hurt as her,
When she realized the truth.
We had both gone on, and left her behind.

We talked to her together.
It was awkward, and somehow bittersweet.
He hugged her, and I hugged her.

I guess she has forgiven us.
At least she seems a little happier now.
But sometimes I see her sitting alone, and a pang shoots through me.

I wish Brad was here now;
That somehow they could be together, and tie everything up nicely.
But he left a long time ago, and I doubt he's coming back.

Because this is the real world, I guess,
Not some romantic comedy on Disney Channel.
After all, it's not a square--it's a bisexual high school love quadrilateral.

What can you expect?

Wow. I guess the story just speaks for itself. But just what were you trying to say by emphasizing quadrilateral? Did you mean like a scalene quadrilateral, 'imperfect'?

I am really not sure how to review this. Because it involves things I really can't relate to, but I will try. Also, the lines are long and feel like really short sentences to me. I think to make this more poemish you could take out a some un-needed words. Because right now it really seems a lot like a short story. But anyway words I would take out are in blue

General comments, this is where I say anything that pops into my head without thinking.

Warrior Princess wrote:It all started with Thomas and April.
They went out about a year ago, then broke up.
But she never really got over him.

Thomas is Brad's best friend.
Brad asked me out, and I was only too happy to accept. This line makes it seem like she was too happy to accept...
I loved Brad, and he loved me.

But then, out of nowhere, he broke up with me.
Said it was for my sake.
My world was shattered.

As it turned out, so was his. O.K. if I removed this I wouldn't leave it like that I would add something else, but it would still be shorter.
He turned to April, of all people,
And she realized she had feelings for him.

But he wanted me back,
And I took him back, against my better judgment corrected spelling.
And for a time, we were happy--all of us except April. You seem to start your lines with 'and' and 'but' a lot. I struggle with this problem myself. It doesn't sound good. Sometimes the word can just be taken out. Other times it can be replaced. If you do that with all the words you can the rest won't look bad.

April grew close to both me and Brad.
But between me and her, there was a little something more. I would break this line up it is so much longer than the one after it.
Brad detected this.

He thought I didn't want him anymore.
He broke up with me.
Again.

April was there for me.
She held me close, and I couldn't help it.
I kissed her.

Thomas was also there for me.
He never left me alone, even if it meant staying on Facebook all night.
I didn't know it then, but he was falling in love with me too.

Before I knew it, April had asked me out,
And I had accepted.
I needed someone; why not her?

So April and I broke all the rules,
And for a time we were happy.
But, I only liked her; she loved me.

It all happened so fast, too fast.
I turned to Thomas for help,
And he told me to follow my heart.

I don't really anything else to say. This poem kind of sounds like a list of events. Where is the spice? You are just stating what happened. What are all your thoughts on it. I see some of them, but I want to know more.

Wish I could have helped,

A. S>

I agree with Calligraphy - this seems like it would be a better short story than a poem. You don't give a lot of description of events or of your reactions to them - you just state the facts, and you don't have any sort of rhythm or meter.

It was awkward, and somehow bittersweet.
He hugged her, and I hugged her.

This is really awkward. Maybe that's what you were trying to do, since the lines are about an awkward situation, but you could have described it in so many different ways that would have worked better with the tone.

I wish Brad was here now;
That somehow they could be together, and tie everything up nicely.
But he left a long time ago, and I doubt he's coming back.

This sounds exactly like prose to me. Your emotions aren't showing through, though they are obviously very powerful, or you wouldn't have written this poem. Don't tell me how you're feeling - show me.

I'm sorry if this was harsh, but I think there's a lot you could improve upon. Try revising this and post it again!

-Liz

I loved reading this, made me feel sad inside but not in a bad way, I like how its all in a good depth of emotion.


I find this very intreaging, like I just want to read more, see how it ends, or continues. Either way.



Still great job

Keep up the fantastic work
Sophiee-Rose

It's fascinating to watch the story unfold interestingly absorbing a brief glimpse into the private life of someone like going through their dirty laundry you feel so bad for that brief moment but then you become absorbed involved even you want to stop the pain but you feel like the bystander simply waiting for the hero to swoop in save the day and make it right again but life isn't a cheesy comic it isn't something we can dream of late at night and laugh off in the morning it's depressingly real all the crap that we have to deal with and this poem or short story I didn't read what it was described under reminds us of that

Beautiful. It has just the right amount of sadness in it so it's not too overwhelming. It's like a story and I like it like that.

to tell you the truth i thnk it's kind of bland. i mean yea, the story's there,but that's just it. i ddnt feel like it had any emotion in it. i wanna b able to feel wat ur feeling, and i ddnt. i'm not trying to be mean or anything i'm just giving you my honest opinion.