The Month o' Witchin'

I thought of this poem when I was walking on the Wharncliffe Crags, a massive remant of a cliff face that was shattered thousends of years ago. It's written in the local dialect, so if you have problems reading it, PM me and I'll give you a translation. Anyway, up on the Crags, there have been many disappearances over the centuries, so I wrote this poem. Enjoy!
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Who knows what walks the Crags,
On this month of Witchin',
With It's long tendrils, snappin' and twitchin',
Through the nights of this Month?

Through the undergrowth It stalks,
With a mind o' Fire and Pitchforks,
A mighty roar, the sound of many cacklin' hag.

So, young 'un,
When you're out the'er,
All drunk on your beer,
Utter a prayer,
For the month o' witching has begun.

Hi Skutter!

skutter11 wrote:
Who knows what walks the Crags,
On this month of Witchin',
With its long tendrils a' snappin' an' twitchin',
Through the nights of this Month?

Through the undergrowth It stalks,
With a mind o' Fire an' Pitchforks,
A mighty roar, the sound of many a cacklin' hag.

So, young 'un,
When you're out the'er,
All drunk on the beer,
Utter a prayer,
For the month o' witching has begun.

I honestly don't understand what this is about but I still like it. I guess I can't say much because I don't know about the Crags stuff. But the stuff in red up there is what I found.
~Ladypurple.

Hiya Skutter. So I've got one little nitpick.

All drunk on thee beer,

Okay, 'thee' is my problem with this line. It sounds very over exagerated. In fact, thee seems very, King Aurther-like.

Which brings me to main point and that is the use of the dialect. As a whole I felt it was a bit forced. That's the thing about using dialect marks; you might think in an accent and speak with one too but generally it doesn't translate well on paper, espessially when the entire poem is compromised of it. Within dialogue, it can be a great characterization tool but for me, reading it, felt more like a bunch of apostrophes. Had some really uncommon terms that are region specific been used, it would have been a more effective technique.

However, I did like the theme of the poem. With Halloween on the way, it's nice to see something with a spooky overtone. And it wasn't a completely cliche type of spooky which I loved most.

It was a good poem but for me your sittin on the fence of a wonderful piece. No matter if you add more dialogue and added detail as far as dialect goes or if you pull back a bit you'll still have a wonderful poem.

Thanks guys! Lilymoore, I'll take your advise and dumb down the accent a bit. (I do actually speak like that. South Yorkshire accent, alot of thing left over from the time of King Arthur )