The Man Who Waited

The seasoned man
grows close to the chair.

Like parking lot lovers,
they greet
with metal fronts.

With knees bent,
and fabric meetings,
they endure one another.

The antique man
and the chair
became exhausted

of tarrying
by the window pane.

All day long the dormer plays
the old man’s record-thoughts.

They make him respire
patchily,
the sorrow
caught in his throat.

At the boundary
of the day
he anticipates,
but too soon is let down.

Even then,
tomorrow
he’ll watch again,
expecting that someone to be there.

The stale man
will wait in the room
until he hears
their word of farewell.

((Edit: Okay... I'm having trouble with the end... and that's probably why this makes no sense. I liked the beginning and I knew where I was going with it, but when I got to the end I didn't know how to word it and such and things fell apart... So that's probably why it's so sucky, lol. I'll fix it up when I get the chance to actually think about how to complete it.))

Hello there,

As a poem goes it is quite good, however some constistancy in the stanza lenght would be good I feel, however, for it's context I am not to sure. I don't particually get it. I have read through it several times and I can not find a single meaning, thus making me feel no emotion towards either characters mentiones, making ti rather redundant in my eyes. If I am at all wrong or could shed light on what the actuall meaning is I would be very grateful.

That would be my advice, try and make the meaning more apparent unless I am completely wrong and have missed it.

~Retro Disco666

First of all I want to say I love this poem. The beginning completely drew me in, but it seemed to dwindle off at the end. I thought there was going to be some meaning to the poem, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I just escaped me. If I were you I wouldn't be direct in my methods, but a little more clear would be nice.

I also agree with Retro the stanzas length do seem to be just a bit awkward. The really short ones annoyed me most.

General comments, this is where I say anything that pops into my head without thinking about it.

Hibiscus wrote:The seasoned man
grows close to the chair.

Like parking lot lovers, I love this line, but you don't need to describe it more. Or are you not describing the lovers? I am not sure. But, if you are you are really just going off track. It sounds even worse because you go off onto a different subject in the second stanza.
they greet
with metal fronts.

With knees bent,
and fabric meetings,
they endure one another.

The antique man
and the chair
became exhausted Do you mean becomes exhausted, because in the beginning of the time you said 'grows'?

of tarrying
by the window pane. I think that something really needs to be done with this. It is really short and should be added to the stanza before it, because it is really all the same sentence.

After I read the poem again I want to stress the stanzas. They really make the poem choppy and abrupt. Read the poem out loud and make sure you give pause at the end of lines and at every comma. Also and even longer pause between stanzas. I just doesn't sound write. p.m. me if you have any questions.

Hope I helped,

Arahnia Siddel