Haven Chapter Two

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I sat at the diner with my food. It was the greatest burger I had ever had. Once I had finished my meal, I left the money I owed Rosy, and her tip underneath the salt shaker. I pulled my grey hood up and over my purple-streaked hair, for it had started pouring when I was eating. I ran to my car, and hurried in opening the door. I fumbled with the getting the key in the hole because the bead-fish my grandmother had given me was getting in the way.

I opened the door and climbed in quickly. I did not want to get soaping wet. I took my hood down and felt the top of my hair. "Damn," I muttered. It was all wet and damp. I put the key in the ignition and it took four times to get it started. I got it started and chugged out of the parking lot.

I went a ways down the street, into the downtown part of Willow Creek. I parked my car in front of a antiques store. I locked the car and went inside. A little chime chimed when I walked through the door. I was greeted by the smell of wood.

"Hello?" I called. I looked around the front of the store. They had a wooden dresser, a lttle sidetable, and wooden chairs that were carved by what I suspect was a very talented person.

I heard a bang in back. It sounded as if something had fallen. I followed my instinct and went back to the storeroom. I walk slowly behind the counter, and look through the strings of beads seperating me from the backroom. I swipe the beads away and look around the room. There was dressers and light stands and tables and chairs from wall to wall. I looked around the room for trhe source of the loud crash.

I found it to be a toppled over half finished chair. Underneath it was an unusual sight. There was a body underneath the chair. The was a tiny moan coming from the body.

I pulled the chair off of the body, which now I can tell is an elderly man. I got on the floor and looked into the mans face. His eyes were closed, I thought in pain.

"Sir, are you all right?" I asked him. He had given me a little moan. I felt something wet seep through my jeans. I looked down and saw red. I put my shaky fingers in the liquid and put it under my nose. It smelled like rust. Blood smells like rust. "Oh, dear god," I mutter. I put my shaky hand into my pocket, grab my phone, and shakly take it out. I flipped it open and dialed 9-1-1.

"What's your emergency?" the dispatcher said.

"I'm in the antiques store downtown. I-I don't know the name. But there's a man here and he's bleeding really bad. He needs medical attention now." I said into the reciever.

"Okay we are sending a patrol car and an ambulance right away." she said. I heard some typing in the background.

"Thank you." I close the phone and set it down. I look at the man and there is more blood coming out. I search the back side of the man and both sides and see no wounds. I decide to flip him over.

I take one side of him and slowly flip him over. I see the wound. The blood has stained his shirt near the stomach. I pull up the bottom of his gray t-shirt and look underneath it. There was a big gash across his stomach. I see the blood coming out and think that I needed to stop it. I look around the gash and see some dirt in it. That's not healthy, I think. I look around the room and spot a bottle of iodine. Just then I remember a class I took on First-Aide. The instructor said that iodine has a cleaning agent in it and can help clean wounds. I crawl over to the counter and take the bottle. I open it and lay it near the man. I look around for something clean to use on the wound. I take off my seatshirt, dirtied with blood, and take off my long-sleeved shirt. I have my tank underneath it and rip the shirt I just took off. I have tbe strip I tore along the bottom and wad it up. I grab the iodine and dump some into the torn strip. I then place it on the wound and start cleaning it. The body moans and groans underneath it. I just say to him, "I know it hurts, but you need it to be clean.

Once I have cleaned it, the smell of iodine and blood and sweat stench the air. I tie my shirt around the wound, and put pressure on it. I hold it there until the bleeding stops. Then afterward my hands and arms go limp. I wait for the ambulance to arrive.
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -Lucille Ball




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Hey!

First thing i really noticed about this piece of writing is that you change tense towards the end. It starts out in past tense and ends in present. Then again, it could just be me.

Second, please check the spelling in this, there are a LOT of mistakes here. In the seconf last paragrap-- 'first aide' i do believe that first-aid has no 'e' on the end. yeah, there is a lot in this. I'm sure you'd be able to find it without my help.

I guess i didn't really like it because it didn't grab me. I read it but it became a bit tedious, then again, i haven't read the first part so... Yes... I'm sure you can develop this into an amazing story.

-Quest.
a promise sealed with a teardrop...



Well, if I can't get this chapter to work....at least I will have exercised my fingers.
— Kaia