We Could Fly

Did you mean to
make me cry?
Had you wanted
to say goodbye?
How could we know
if we didn't try?
We could have made
each other fly.

I didn't mean to
make you cry.
I didn't want to
say goodbye.
I'll never know,
I didn't try.
A single kiss,
you made me fly.

Did you ever
really care?
Had you ever
truly been there?
I thought we had
affections shared.
But I know
You never
Really cared.

Hey Lukan!

This is a beautiful poem. I really liked it I loved the rhythm it had and I loved the repetition in the first two stanzas, transferring from a question to you, it's almost like it's answering. It was beautifully done. The last stanzas, though was a bit forced for me.

LukanRinta wrote:
Had you ever
truly been there?

This here was a bit clumsy when I was reading it. I don't know if it's because it's breaking the rhythm that was set in the first stanzas?
But, I don't think it takes away from the whole poem

Keep writing!

-Truth-

Hey Lukan!
I really loved this poem! The only thing i cutting it up like that made it sound choppy and stiff. Maybe instead of spacing it out like that you could use a comma to make if flow better or something. But other then that the wording was great It had a really nice rhythm to it! keep writing!

- KAH

The simplicity of this is ruined by it not having more flow. I felt that some combinations of words do not go together as well as they should, and if you had worked a little more verbally, you'd have noticed this.

Wow, you're quite the uniform writer. Refer to one of my other reviews, or both. (that's right! All both of 'em!)

Wow, this is an excellent poem. I loved the rhythm and repetition of the successful aphoras! Great job! The emotion flowing from this poem is touching! Great transitions and visual images! Keep on writing, you have a talent!

~Aspiring Author
"Keep your feet on the ground, and your thoughts at lofty heights."